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Old 07-02-2006, 05:25 AM   #1
DucksNuts
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Cheating

I have been pondering this for awhile and was a little surprised when it was bought up amongst a group of people and there were mixed opinions.


So, I thought, who better to tell it to me like it is than you guys.


What do you class as cheating? Is it just the physical aspect or the emotional as well? What about internet interference??? is it only cheating if you actually meet someone you have been chatting to online (whilst involved with someone else) or it is once you form an emotional bond with that online person ?? If you have feelings for someone online and never act on them...is that cheating?

My ex had cant-keep-his-dick-in-his-pant-itis and he would cheat just the hell of cheating and an easy lay, but he would also do the long term affair type.....that sounds like I was stupid and stuck around...I didnt, as soon as I found out I left....but I was stupid in the fact that it happened for quite awhile before I found out.
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Old 07-02-2006, 07:51 AM   #2
anonymousfornow
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Intent. I am trying not to be jaded, but it is difficult when every man I have ever loved has cheated. Personally the emotional aspect is more damaging to me than the physical aspect but I consider them both as bad.
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Old 07-02-2006, 11:16 AM   #3
xoxoxoBruce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymousfornow
Intent. I am trying not to be jaded, but it is difficult when every man I have ever loved has cheated. Personally the emotional aspect is more damaging to me than the physical aspect but I consider them both as bad.
Hmm, when they came into your life, were they cheating on someone else? I mean were they in a relationship you won them away from? If that's the case, it might be a sign they were prone to moving on.

Also, if "every man I have ever loved has cheated" you might be carrying a whole lot of emotional baggage that jeopardizes your relationships.
Just saying, ya know?
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Old 07-07-2006, 05:54 PM   #4
Elspode
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce
Hmm, when they came into your life, were they cheating on someone else?
One of my oldest friends (a musician, as are most of my oldest friends, and now playing in my band with me) wrote a great line in a song after his first wife screwed around on him, resulting in their divorce. She had been cheating on *her* boyfriend when my friend and she hooked up:

"If you mess with another man's woman, you might listen what I say
If she'll fool around on him, she'll do the same to you one day."

Truer words and all...
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Old 07-02-2006, 08:10 AM   #5
Ibby
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My girlfriend, who I may have mentioned is 7838.56 miles away from me right now, apparently has (and has admitted to having) a crush on a mutual friend. I'm not happy but I wont fault her for it until I know she has done something. She still says she loves me more than anything else, and that its just a little thing, etc, and I believe her. As long as she's happy...

I guess intent matters a lot, but weigh the action against how you really feel about the person.
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Old 07-02-2006, 09:31 AM   #6
MaggieL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DucksNuts
What do you class as cheating? Is it just the physical aspect or the emotional as well? What about internet interference??? is it only cheating if you actually meet someone you have been chatting to online (whilst involved with someone else) or it is once you form an emotional bond with that online person ?? If you have feelings for someone online and never act on them...is that cheating?
Perhaps this rhetorical question (to yourself) will help you clarify how you feel:

"Is what matters to you about a relationship only the physicality, or do the emotions matter too?"

I've been in polyamorus relationships before, and may perhaps sometimes again. I'll assert that it's not impossible at all to love more than one person at a time, nor impossible to deal with the situation of loving somebody who also loves others. But not everybody's ready to handle the additional energy and complexity such relationships consume, nor are even people who *can* do it necessarily prepared to do it at all times. Sometimes you just don't have the slack.

That said, no matter what number of intimate relationships--online *or* in person-- you're prepared to undertake, absolute honesty with all your partners is paramount.

Absent that, it's cheating.
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Old 07-03-2006, 12:42 PM   #7
Rock Steady
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieL
... That said, no matter what number of intimate relationships--online *or* in person-- you're prepared to undertake, absolute honesty with all your partners is paramount.

Absent that, it's cheating.
That's a good point. A lot of it has to do with your agreement or understanding. Mrs RS and I stay intimate only with each other, but we have opposite gender friends. She has guys she goes to concerts and lunch with and I have my gfs I do the same. We trust each other and know we love each other the most.
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Old 07-02-2006, 10:36 AM   #8
AlternateGray
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Emotional is worse. To me, anyways. Then again, I used to be a romantic.

Cyberflirting, or even cybersex, doesn't trip my wire, I don't know why. It's all fantasy. As soon as it stops being that (e.g., making arrangements to meet, professing love, serious interest, etc.) there's a problem. Of course, with most people, the former is going to evolve into the latter, so...
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Old 07-03-2006, 03:15 AM   #9
disenchanted
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I once talked a person out of a relationship to be with me. I later got dumped when said girl found interest in some other guy.

The lesson I learned was that if you ever ruin a relationship for your own interest, don't be surprised when it happens to you.

That said, I figure that the basic concept expressed before (intent) is probably the truest. I like to keep it pretty cut and dried. If someone's flirting with someone, near or afar, it doesn't really matter. Their intentions show enough.

-disenchanted.
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Old 07-03-2006, 01:29 PM   #10
rkzenrage
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disenchanted
I once talked a person out of a relationship to be with me. I later got dumped when said girl found interest in some other guy.

The lesson I learned was that if you ever ruin a relationship for your own interest, don't be surprised when it happens to you.

That said, I figure that the basic concept expressed before (intent) is probably the truest. I like to keep it pretty cut and dried. If someone's flirting with someone, near or afar, it doesn't really matter. Their intentions show enough.

-disenchanted.
Exactly, it always freaks-me-out me when people are surprised when this happens to them.
I call it the Cathy Lee syndrome. That idiot had the nads to go out in public and act like a victim when the man she stole from another woman cheated on her.
Their entire relationship was based on the fact that the were both cheaters and she acts surprised when he cheats?! & we are supposed to feel sorry for her and be surprised as well?!... give me a break. I feel for the kids though, having to live in the acid dream that is their mom's world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flint
Me and my wife check out chicks together. She even does the sneaky alert-nudge that guys do for each other when a hottie is spotted.
Same here. Gotta' look, she knows I ain't dead. If he acts like he ain't lookin' he's hiding something.
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Old 07-03-2006, 10:25 AM   #11
yesman065
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I think its the emotional bond that, once broken, causes the deepest pain. The trust that we have with another person is what sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. That said, its cheating when that trust is broken. Whether it be online, in person or any other form. It doesn't matter to me whether the "act" took place, the sin is in the mind. We all have fantasies, but once they turn into the hope or want of a real situation - its cheating.

As for wooing someone away from another person to start a relationship with you, I agree with "disenchanted". Its just a matter of time before the same happens to you.
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Old 07-03-2006, 10:57 AM   #12
Ibby
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Okay, if its all the emotional bit that counts...

Is it cheating if the dude pulls his pork to porn?
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Old 07-03-2006, 12:13 PM   #13
xoxoxoBruce
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No.
Masturbation is taking pleasure.
Cheating is when you're giving pleasure.
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Old 07-03-2006, 12:17 PM   #14
Ibby
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Ah, but hes looking at other women, and taking pleasure in the act of it!
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Old 07-03-2006, 01:00 PM   #15
xoxoxoBruce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ibram
Ah, but hes looking at other women, and taking pleasure in the act of it!
So what? What's wrong with taking pleasure at looking at Women?....or cars?.....or sunsets?......or guitars?
It's giving that's cheating.
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