Move out to move in with...?

morethanpretty · 10-01-2006, 10:03 AM

Reasons to move out:
1) My brother lives here currently and my sister will be moving in next semester. We will be sharing a room, we don't share a room nicely.
2) My mother has a constant problem with control. "As long as you live in this house!..." I try to clean up and ect. but I'm exhausted from full time work and school along with the injuries to my back from my car wrecks.
3) My mother won't allow me to have my boyfriend over when no one else is home (although I do anyway), and she won't allow us to be in a room alone w/ the door closed when she is home. Apparently we have no control or discreteness when it comes to sex.
4) My boyfriend recently moved an hour away and back in with his parents, so we have almost nowhere to spend private time together, and yes to have sex.
5) We wanted to move in together for a long time but I haven't had the money or he hasn't, but one of my co-workers has a house that she is trying to rent rooms out of for $600 (thats including utilities!), very good price around here. And if I share w/ my boyfriend it'll only be $300 each.
6) I need some independance and to learn to care for myself, this sounds like a pretty good opprotunity, and with my boyfriend who has lived on his own to teach me what I need to do when...

Reasons Not to Move out:
1) I have no car because my last one was totalled and I will be having to buy a new one. Which means higher car payments probably because my last car was from a family member who sold it to me at blue book and only $150 a month. My mom was paying half of that up to $1000 as a Christmas present. So for me it was actually on $75, although I was about to have to take on the full payment.
2) If this last accident is ruled as my fault my insurance payment which was already $150 a month will be drastically increasing.
3) I work alot of hours but if I have to cut down on them because of school then I might not have rent money.
4) If I move in with a coworker and then we have issues, it might affect work, we don't work together much (different shifts) but she might say something to one of my bosses.
5) My parents and sister won't approve for religious reasons, and my brother thinks we shouldn't such a serious relationship.
6) If something breaks me and my boyfriend apart and we are in a lease...well you don't need an explanation for that one.

Skunks · 10-01-2006, 10:57 AM

It sounds as though you have thought it through a lot, which makes me immediately inclined to say "yes, do it", particularly on account of (6). So, yes, do it.

Suggestions:

- Discuss it with your mother, or at least present it in such a way that if it goes poorly you have somewhere to go back to.

- Avoid leases (go for month to month) whenever possible. In my limited experience, they are negotiable, and extremely strict inflexibility indicates that it's a rental agency which really does not care about you, such as would own near-campus shit apartments.

joelnwil · 10-01-2006, 11:46 AM

As a father of a couple of 20-somethings, I really do not understand parents who are trying to keep their kids from having sex. Unwanted pregnancy is another thing, of course, so be prepared properly.

Side note, when I was 36 my girl friend moved in with me. We had a town house with 2 bedrooms upstairs. My mother came to visit at some point, and we offered her the second bedroom, right next to ours. She preferred to sleep on the sofa bed in the living room. She just could not stand to be so close to our den of fornication.

Anyway, it sounds like you two need to try to make a life together, and the main problem is money, along with your poor driving record. Those 2 things are the real key.

Clodfobble · 10-01-2006, 11:56 AM

I don't think anyone should be allowed to live at home once they've graduated, so yes, I think you need to move out. Moving straight in with a boyfriend might not be the wisest thing, it really depends on how mature you and the boyfriend are. But one other thing to think about is food expenses on top of the $300 a month. You will easily spend $100 a week on food alone.

John Adams · 10-02-2006, 04:12 AM

I am of the firm belief that everyone should live alone for a couple of years. That means no boyfriend staying at your place all the time. When you have lived alone you learn to depend on yourself. My wife is able to go away with or without kids and know that everything will run fine while she is gone. I am able to enjoy being left alone for a couple of weeks each year while she goes to visit her family with the kids. Actually I like being home alone occasionally, it's amazing how much I can get done around the house.

So yes, move out on your own but make sure you have someplace to go back to if it doesn't work out. Of course I still think it would have been nice to stay home longer and save some money.

Sundae · 10-02-2006, 10:55 AM

I also believe people should live on their own before living with a partner. I got enormous pride when I first managed my own budgets. Right up until I got into debt of course! But at least it taught me something about myself.

Honestly, I wouldn't risk it. Where money is tight it always ends up causing problems. Moving in together creates enough of its own.

But I agree with Skunks that you seem to be approaching this in the right way. Keep thinking & good luck with your decision.

mrnoodle · 10-02-2006, 11:12 AM

You live in your mom's house rent-free, so she wants you to live by house rules. You can't do housework because of back injuries from a car wreck (but sex is apparently strain-free

). You have already totalled at least one car ("If this last accident...." indicates plural accidents) and don't know how you're going to pay for the new insurance expense, etc.

So you should ask yourself some more questions before you decide.

1) who's going to clean the new house?
2) when you have a house of your own, are you going to have expectations of the people who live there with you?
3) if you can't make it financially now, how will you make it if your expenses are trebled?
4) do you really want to take "how to live on your own" lessons from your boyfriend? Didn't he just move back with his parents?

There will be good rent deals later, too. Think long and hard about whether this is the right time for you. There are a lot more factors in this decision than just cutting the apron strings from your mom.

morethanpretty · 10-02-2006, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

You live in your mom's house rent-free, so she wants you to live by house rules. You can't do housework because of back injuries from a car wreck (but sex is apparently strain-free

). You have already totalled at least one car ("If this last accident...." indicates plural accidents) and don't know how you're going to pay for the new insurance expense, etc.

So you should ask yourself some more questions before you decide.

1) who's going to clean the new house?
2) when you have a house of your own, are you going to have expectations of the people who live there with you?
3) if you can't make it financially now, how will you make it if your expenses are trebled?
4) do you really want to take "how to live on your own" lessons from your boyfriend? Didn't he just move back with his parents?

There will be good rent deals later, too. Think long and hard about whether this is the right time for you. There are a lot more factors in this decision than just cutting the apron strings from your mom.

1) i currently live with my mom, brother, dad, 3 dogs and a cat...cleaning up after that many is a lot harder than cleaning up myself...which I normally do.
2) i will have expectations and i would have us set up a list of the specific expectations and responsibilities of each...a written contract (my boyfriend would be included of course)
3) I can "make it" finacially now...i've saved up quite a bit of money...which will be used to pay for my new car :-(, was used for the computer I bought for the house, and i use my paycheck to buy food, gas, and household goods all the time w/out asking for compensation. I would prefer this method because there will be less strain on my finances...and by that time i should have either a promotion or atleast another payraise from work, the rest of my pell grant and atleast some of the money from my student loan.
4) My boyfriend rented a house from his sister who decided after she broke up w/ her boyfriend of ten years and got another a month later...that she wanted the house for herself...although she never spends time there....
the plan had been for my boyfriend and I to rent the house for 500 each plus half of the other expenses and we were actually working on a contract for that when she made this decision...he only had a month to month lease w/ her. Sooo it being so close to the school semester he decided it would be best to return to his parents since he didn't have time to find a new place ect ect...

The first accident I had happened late at night on my way home from work, two way road, one lane going each way...I saw something in the middle of the road, it was a curve I couldn't see around so instead of getting into a the potential head-on I stopped...the truck behind me had been tailing me (with his brights on!) and hit me going about 30-40 mph
The second accident happened a couple of weeks ago on my way to school, my road empties onto a 2 lane hwy with a turn lane inbetween...I was turning left...there was no one from that direction...the other side was almost clear so I made the decision to enter the turn lane and so that I could move over after the vehicles passed (its a legal move) a semi rock truck decided about the same time that he was going to use that lane to pass ppl in (blatantly illegal) and I ended up smashing into his rear tire. They should rule it as a his-fault accident. I mentioned the insurance because there is a possibility (thanks to the crappy police reports) that the insurance won't rule that way.
I don't pay an actual rent true...but as I mentioned I do provide for myself and if others use my stuff...well i let them. I clean often just not as much as my mother wishes me too. And I only have sex on my good days, which isn't after a day of school and then immediatly to work where I am constantly on my feet, walking around, reaching, lifting ect...so in other words...not very often.
"Cutting the apron strings" an interesting expression...Since I was 12 I have been mostly looking after myself...for two years my mother was in and out of the hospital w/ medical problems and even she admits she wasn't very useful then, (she can hardly remember those yrs!). Afterward, and now she is involved with full time work and church. She is hardly home (and does little cleaning herself!) and is normally doing her own thing...sometimes the only time I see her is at night (10:30 to 11:30) after I get home from work and the only exchange w/ her is "goodnight."

I'm not attacking your argument at all, in fact they all help me alot because it allows me to re-think things I might have forgotten about. Or since they are all issues I have addressed and mostly come up with a solution too...it helps validates my feelings. Thankyou all...keep helping plz!

Pie · 10-02-2006, 03:16 PM

I think you've analyzed this one thoroughly. Go for it -- the biggest potential for failure is in the relationship with the boyfriend.

10-01-2006, 10:03 AM	#1
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Move out to move in with...? Reasons to move out: 1) My brother lives here currently and my sister will be moving in next semester. We will be sharing a room, we don't share a room nicely. 2) My mother has a constant problem with control. "As long as you live in this house!..." I try to clean up and ect. but I'm exhausted from full time work and school along with the injuries to my back from my car wrecks. 3) My mother won't allow me to have my boyfriend over when no one else is home (although I do anyway), and she won't allow us to be in a room alone w/ the door closed when she is home. Apparently we have no control or discreteness when it comes to sex. 4) My boyfriend recently moved an hour away and back in with his parents, so we have almost nowhere to spend private time together, and yes to have sex. 5) We wanted to move in together for a long time but I haven't had the money or he hasn't, but one of my co-workers has a house that she is trying to rent rooms out of for $600 (thats including utilities!), very good price around here. And if I share w/ my boyfriend it'll only be $300 each. 6) I need some independance and to learn to care for myself, this sounds like a pretty good opprotunity, and with my boyfriend who has lived on his own to teach me what I need to do when... Reasons Not to Move out: 1) I have no car because my last one was totalled and I will be having to buy a new one. Which means higher car payments probably because my last car was from a family member who sold it to me at blue book and only $150 a month. My mom was paying half of that up to $1000 as a Christmas present. So for me it was actually on $75, although I was about to have to take on the full payment. 2) If this last accident is ruled as my fault my insurance payment which was already $150 a month will be drastically increasing. 3) I work alot of hours but if I have to cut down on them because of school then I might not have rent money. 4) If I move in with a coworker and then we have issues, it might affect work, we don't work together much (different shifts) but she might say something to one of my bosses. 5) My parents and sister won't approve for religious reasons, and my brother thinks we shouldn't such a serious relationship. 6) If something breaks me and my boyfriend apart and we are in a lease...well you don't need an explanation for that one. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

10-02-2006, 10:55 AM	#6
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I also believe people should live on their own before living with a partner. I got enormous pride when I first managed my own budgets. Right up until I got into debt of course! But at least it taught me something about myself. Honestly, I wouldn't risk it. Where money is tight it always ends up causing problems. Moving in together creates enough of its own. But I agree with Skunks that you seem to be approaching this in the right way. Keep thinking & good luck with your decision. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

10-02-2006, 11:12 AM	#7
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	You live in your mom's house rent-free, so she wants you to live by house rules. You can't do housework because of back injuries from a car wreck (but sex is apparently strain-free ). You have already totalled at least one car ("If this last accident...." indicates plural accidents) and don't know how you're going to pay for the new insurance expense, etc. So you should ask yourself some more questions before you decide. 1) who's going to clean the new house? 2) when you have a house of your own, are you going to have expectations of the people who live there with you? 3) if you can't make it financially now, how will you make it if your expenses are trebled? 4) do you really want to take "how to live on your own" lessons from your boyfriend? Didn't he just move back with his parents? There will be good rent deals later, too. Think long and hard about whether this is the right time for you. There are a lot more factors in this decision than just cutting the apron strings from your mom. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

10-02-2006, 03:16 PM	#9
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I think you've analyzed this one thoroughly. Go for it -- the biggest potential for failure is in the relationship with the boyfriend. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

10-01-2006, 10:57 AM	#2
Skunks I thought I changed this. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: western nowhere, ny Posts: 412	It sounds as though you have thought it through a lot, which makes me immediately inclined to say "yes, do it", particularly on account of (6). So, yes, do it. Suggestions: - Discuss it with your mother, or at least present it in such a way that if it goes poorly you have somewhere to go back to. - Avoid leases (go for month to month) whenever possible. In my limited experience, they are negotiable, and extremely strict inflexibility indicates that it's a rental agency which really does not care about you, such as would own near-campus shit apartments.

10-01-2006, 11:46 AM	#3
joelnwil Major Inhabitant Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silver Spring MD Posts: 128	As a father of a couple of 20-somethings, I really do not understand parents who are trying to keep their kids from having sex. Unwanted pregnancy is another thing, of course, so be prepared properly. Side note, when I was 36 my girl friend moved in with me. We had a town house with 2 bedrooms upstairs. My mother came to visit at some point, and we offered her the second bedroom, right next to ours. She preferred to sleep on the sofa bed in the living room. She just could not stand to be so close to our den of fornication. Anyway, it sounds like you two need to try to make a life together, and the main problem is money, along with your poor driving record. Those 2 things are the real key.

10-01-2006, 11:56 AM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I don't think anyone should be allowed to live at home once they've graduated, so yes, I think you need to move out. Moving straight in with a boyfriend might not be the wisest thing, it really depends on how mature you and the boyfriend are. But one other thing to think about is food expenses on top of the $300 a month. You will easily spend $100 a week on food alone.

10-02-2006, 04:12 AM	#5
John Adams Founder of Freedom Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 58	I am of the firm belief that everyone should live alone for a couple of years. That means no boyfriend staying at your place all the time. When you have lived alone you learn to depend on yourself. My wife is able to go away with or without kids and know that everything will run fine while she is gone. I am able to enjoy being left alone for a couple of weeks each year while she goes to visit her family with the kids. Actually I like being home alone occasionally, it's amazing how much I can get done around the house. So yes, move out on your own but make sure you have someplace to go back to if it doesn't work out. Of course I still think it would have been nice to stay home longer and save some money.

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