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Old 05-19-2005, 09:25 PM   #1
Trilby
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I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!!

I've had it. I am done, done, done with this crazy ass "relationship" with this married man. I know, I know. What did I expect? What did I think was going to happen? But you know what? I loved him. I really, truly, honestly loved him but I can't take this nuttiness any longer. Since I'm putting my enitre life in a blender and pushing "frappe", I might as well throw him out with the rest. He's been a good friend, and a more than willing sex partner but the fact of the matter is this: HE'S MARRIED AND HAS BEEN FOR THIRTY YEARS! I don't think he's leaving her. He even said as much. A professor, a man very concerned with apperances, he's not leaving his blue-blooded wife for a mess like me and I can finally be OK with that. It doesn't mean I am unloveable. It doesn't mean I'll never have another relationship. It doesn't mean I lose (again.) But, oh, I'm afraid that it really does mean those things. It's just that he was the kindest man I had ever met and I had never experienced that sort of unconditional love and regard from anyone, let alone a man. I thought he was brilliant. He IS brilliant. He is accepting and good and has always thought of me...but I can't anymore. It's like so much in my life. It's not real.

He let me fall in love with him--he encouraged it--and THEN told me he was married! I think his ego likes me. He can't really love me, can he? What IS this? If I survive any of this shit it'll be a miracle.

I hate this.
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Old 05-19-2005, 09:30 PM   #2
Trilby
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I am NOT ok with it.
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic.

"Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her.
óJames Barrie


Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum
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Old 05-19-2005, 09:54 PM   #3
lookout123
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if he has an ongoing relationship with you and has willingly helped it grow, then he probably does love you...but he doesn't respect you in the least.

i thought you ditched him some time ago. oh well, better late than never. he is not providing you with unconditional love - unless of course he'd be willing to have you for dinner with the wife. what he is giving is a piece of his body, a lot of attention that his frigid wife probably doesn't miss, the hope that there might be more in the future, and the fear that if you walk away you will actually be missing something better. what tangible benefit is he providing? sex. an occassional shoulder to cry on.

move on. you can do better. after you get yourself straightened out and start developing your self respect...
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Old 05-19-2005, 10:33 PM   #4
LCanal
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In some societies it would be perfectly acceptable for you to be the "other" woman. You would officially be the mistress or second wife would have status, security and still be able to be in love (both of you). Maybe it's not him. It's where you are.

Crass but better to have love and lost......

If it helps I always fall in love with the wrong woman. Done it too many times, hurt myself.. But I'm not as good learner so I contiue to fall....

It's going to be a bumpy road ahead and don't do the rebound thing.
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Old 05-19-2005, 10:57 PM   #5
staceyv
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I'm sorry. Now's a good time to take extra special care of yourself. It's all about YOU. Don't do anything unless it makes you happy. Make happiness a priority in your life. And you WILL survive!
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Old 05-19-2005, 11:03 PM   #6
wolf
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Relax. Pamper yourself. Have a bubble bath. Get one of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books and tear it to shreds. If you have a barbecue grill, throw the shreds in and burn it. (Safety first!!)
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Old 05-19-2005, 11:16 PM   #7
LCanal
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Fasinating the difference in the sexes. Bubble bath?
Most of my close friends (male) would go to the bar or seek out some close friends get completely sh1t faced and have a good cry.
I've seen a few grown men reduced to wimpering wet rags.
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Old 05-19-2005, 11:53 PM   #8
lookout123
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given the person and their current situation... something less chemical based is a good start. mellowness. a time for reflection. a few dozen hours in the cellar. all will be well.
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Old 05-20-2005, 01:57 AM   #9
LCanal
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Ooops. Sorry. OK big hug and an afternoon at an exotic spa
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Old 05-20-2005, 02:44 AM   #10
Gwennie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LCanal
Ooops. Sorry. OK big hug and an afternoon at an exotic spa
Now you're talkin. Pampering. She can enjoy a whirlpool. She can get a pedicure with colorful toenail polish, and perhaps get her eyelashes tinted. What fun!
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Old 05-20-2005, 12:03 AM   #11
zippyt
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I thought you were DETOXING , dude seemes pretty toxic to me ,,, ditch him and MOVE ON , MOVE UP , Get past this tough time in your life ,,,



If he is as smart as you say , and cared for you as much as you seem to think he dose , don't you think he wouls have steered you in a different path ????


Just my thoughts .
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Old 05-20-2005, 12:04 AM   #12
wolf
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:highfive: to zippyt for that thoroughly insightful post.
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Old 05-20-2005, 12:35 AM   #13
Brett's Honey
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At first I thought "What a shitty time for this to be happening too!", but then I realized that the timing is probably why this is happening now. You are thinking more clearly and now you are doing what will be best for you in the long run. You know it's the best thing, but I know it's also the toughest thing, at the toughest time. Good luck, hang in there, and keep us posted on how you're doing....
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Old 05-20-2005, 01:18 AM   #14
Gwennie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna
He let me fall in love with him--he encouraged it--and THEN told me he was married! I think his ego likes me. He can't really love me, can he? What IS this? If I survive any of this shit it'll be a miracle.
You've really hit upon something important here. (1) Mid-life Crisis men often want to prove they "still have it", (2) he may have unintentionally fallen in love with you in the process.

Don't beat yourself up over it. But, DO move on. He may posture indifference or he may beg you to come back. Whatever happens, move on.

When you are ready, I'm sure there are other men out there that will appreciate your qualities.
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Old 05-20-2005, 04:06 AM   #15
Catwoman
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I don't exactly feel qualified to reply to this thread - relationship conniseur that I clearly am not - but when has that ever stopped me?

Brianna I have noticed an increasing clarity in your posts recently, and it seems quite clear that you are undergoing a slight recourse, or change of direction. Before I thought you were just a bit silly, but you have revealed several hidden layers that are actually quite brilliant - self-awareness, honesty and realism.

From one who has got herself into an equally unproductive circular mess, I cannot say 'you should have thought of that'. It's amazing the things we let ourselves believe, particularly with regard to love.

So it appears the much dreaded CHANGE has arrived. It's actually quite fun - you realise you are still the self you once liked so many years ago, when you promised yourself 'I will never let a man get in my way!'

It doesn't matter that you've made a mistake, because you can learn from it. Use the experience for something productive. Some people write plays. Others put all their energy into not doing the same thing next time.

You mention he is unconcerned with appearance, and accepts you for who you are. I think you are the one who has difficulty accepting you for who you are. So when a man comes along who loves you 'unconditionally', you are amazed, and link this unconditional acceptance to that particular person, thinking 'no one else will ever love me like that'.

That's not true.

So, if you enjoy his company for what it is, carry on as you are. If you will always, truthfully want more, you know what you need to do.
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