I need to whine

anonymous · 01-28-2020, 08:30 PM

I'm sure my ID is obvious, but please allow me to stay anon to protect my offspring. And me, maybe...

In addition to losing my job (and health insurance for me and my 3 college kids) this month, I learned today my 18yo son is being dumped by his (very expensive out-of-network so completely out of pocket 1/4 of my income) DBT therapy center for being distracted, disruptive and uninvested in his therapy (which hasn't made a blind bit of difference). There is nowhere else to go. His last place/psych couldn't help and recommended DBT. the two other possibilities for this are also out-of-network and have major waiting lists (we waited about 4 months for this one) His diagnosis is ADHD, spectrum and depression. He's aggressive, frequently fails to take his medication, lies blatantly, is hooked online..... I am not perfect but I don't need or deserve this and I really can't take any more. he's barely scraping through college (no surprise, wouldn't be doing that well if not for my reluctant occasional intervention), He was fired from his p/t lifeguard job within weeks....

MAKE IT STOP. I surrender. I failed, I give up. Whatever it is I need to do/say, I just want it to stop. I swear I'm not a bad person, I don't deserve it. Even if I were a bad person, I'm sure I must have already endured enough punishment the last couple of years.

Ok done whining, thank you. Ignore me, carry on....

Clodfobble · 01-28-2020, 09:36 PM

I'm sorry, anon. It sucks and you have every right to be sick of it.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-29-2020, 12:43 AM

Your right enough is enough, you're to be commended for not being in a straight jacket. What's on the menu for next week, maybe something smaller like a bunion or something.

I think you mentioned some time ago he was a problem, taking a much larger share of your attention than the others when it came to schoolwork. Has he gotten worse or just reaching the age and point in life where it's most important to be on the ball?

You're an achiever, I get the impression the other kids are too. It may come to a point where he just hears a different drummer and you can't do anything about it. The one thing that's most important for you to do is understand this is not your fault, you did not fail. He's an almost adult human and you know what they're like. He's your son and you will always love him, but you may not like him.

Griff · 01-29-2020, 06:31 AM

I'm sorry anom.

You can't live his life for him and it sucks that he won't put in the time on himself.

limey · 01-29-2020, 10:22 AM

Oh fuckitty fuck fuckington mc fuckdoodledoo!
But what Bruce says is right, mebbe this boy runs differently to y'alls.
If the therapy was making no difference then perhaps that's why he was uninvested in it. Keep safe from the aggression and the lies and try to let him do his own thing for a bit, while you get on with yours?
Oh, and you ARE perfect

anonymous · 01-29-2020, 05:46 PM

It was easier when I had a partner in crime. It was all easier. I could've leaned on them, Healthinsurance would not have been an issue and assholeboy did not dare behave the way he does now :/ As the store went to 50% off today, I was consolidating stuff and found myself thinking "ooh, I could get one of the super expensive craft beers for partner-in-crime as a treat... oh wait....

Undertoad · 01-29-2020, 06:48 PM

dammit

glatt · 01-29-2020, 08:37 PM

I hear what you’re saying. I would whine too.

monster · 01-29-2020, 08:39 PM

you guys rock. This is such a nice community. hang in there anon, you got this

fargon · 01-29-2020, 08:49 PM

You deserve a good LOUD Primal Scream!!! Several Times.

anonymous · 02-02-2020, 10:03 PM

I just had to kick him out. He's staying at his brother's tonight

sexobon · 02-02-2020, 10:44 PM

Read this; then, go down to the third entry here and note that it mentions landlord/tenant issues.

anonymous · 02-02-2020, 11:59 PM

Thank you, a good heads up. However, I have a right to be safe from violence.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-03-2020, 12:14 AM

I was reading a story about a woman who spent years taking care of AIDs victims during the last few months because their parents wouldn't.

But one Father said this...

Quote:

“Are you going to desert your son? I don’t care what he did. He could have gone out and murdered people. He’s still your son. You may not like what he does, but you love him.”

You're doing it right, Anon, it may not feel like it sometimes but you are. You love him and owe it to him and to Beast, to let him know he's fucking up. It may sink in or may not but you know you've tried your best.

Griff · 02-03-2020, 06:24 AM

It could be that it's just time. You do have the right to be free from violence. Peace Anom you did your best.

01-28-2020, 08:30 PM	#1
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	I need to whine I'm sure my ID is obvious, but please allow me to stay anon to protect my offspring. And me, maybe... In addition to losing my job (and health insurance for me and my 3 college kids) this month, I learned today my 18yo son is being dumped by his (very expensive out-of-network so completely out of pocket 1/4 of my income) DBT therapy center for being distracted, disruptive and uninvested in his therapy (which hasn't made a blind bit of difference). There is nowhere else to go. His last place/psych couldn't help and recommended DBT. the two other possibilities for this are also out-of-network and have major waiting lists (we waited about 4 months for this one) His diagnosis is ADHD, spectrum and depression. He's aggressive, frequently fails to take his medication, lies blatantly, is hooked online..... I am not perfect but I don't need or deserve this and I really can't take any more. he's barely scraping through college (no surprise, wouldn't be doing that well if not for my reluctant occasional intervention), He was fired from his p/t lifeguard job within weeks.... MAKE IT STOP. I surrender. I failed, I give up. Whatever it is I need to do/say, I just want it to stop. I swear I'm not a bad person, I don't deserve it. Even if I were a bad person, I'm sure I must have already endured enough punishment the last couple of years. Ok done whining, thank you. Ignore me, carry on....

01-28-2020, 09:36 PM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I'm sorry, anon. It sucks and you have every right to be sick of it. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

01-29-2020, 12:43 AM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Your right enough is enough, you're to be commended for not being in a straight jacket. What's on the menu for next week, maybe something smaller like a bunion or something. I think you mentioned some time ago he was a problem, taking a much larger share of your attention than the others when it came to schoolwork. Has he gotten worse or just reaching the age and point in life where it's most important to be on the ball? You're an achiever, I get the impression the other kids are too. It may come to a point where he just hears a different drummer and you can't do anything about it. The one thing that's most important for you to do is understand this is not your fault, you did not fail. He's an almost adult human and you know what they're like. He's your son and you will always love him, but you may not like him. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-29-2020, 06:31 AM	#4
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	I'm sorry anom. You can't live his life for him and it sucks that he won't put in the time on himself. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

01-29-2020, 10:22 AM	#5
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Oh fuckitty fuck fuckington mc fuckdoodledoo! But what Bruce says is right, mebbe this boy runs differently to y'alls. If the therapy was making no difference then perhaps that's why he was uninvested in it. Keep safe from the aggression and the lies and try to let him do his own thing for a bit, while you get on with yours? Oh, and you ARE perfect __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

01-29-2020, 05:46 PM	#6
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	It was easier when I had a partner in crime. It was all easier. I could've leaned on them, Healthinsurance would not have been an issue and assholeboy did not dare behave the way he does now :/ As the store went to 50% off today, I was consolidating stuff and found myself thinking "ooh, I could get one of the super expensive craft beers for partner-in-crime as a treat... oh wait....

01-29-2020, 06:48 PM	#7
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	dammit

01-29-2020, 08:37 PM	#8
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I hear what you’re saying. I would whine too.

01-29-2020, 08:39 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	you guys rock. This is such a nice community. hang in there anon, you got this __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-29-2020, 08:49 PM	#10
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	You deserve a good LOUD Primal Scream!!! Several Times. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

02-02-2020, 10:03 PM	#11
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	I just had to kick him out. He's staying at his brother's tonight

02-02-2020, 10:44 PM	#12
sexobon I love it when a plan comes together. Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 9,793	Read this; then, go down to the third entry here and note that it mentions landlord/tenant issues.

02-02-2020, 11:59 PM	#13
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	Thank you, a good heads up. However, I have a right to be safe from violence.

02-03-2020, 06:24 AM	#15
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	It could be that it's just time. You do have the right to be free from violence. Peace Anom you did your best. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

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