The right way to stop a bully

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by monster

but Dana, did you go on to be a person who used uncontrolled violence to resolve every problem? Did you learn that lesson from your experience? No.

Note so far the demographics of the naysayers. Young, childless, women. No disrespect intended, but maybe it's the parenting switch that turns this one on, not just our experiences with bullies aand psychology classes? I'm generally a "violence is not the answer" type person. I'm anti death penalty. But sometimes violence is the answer. If he'd've hit the kid with the camera, then I would agree with you. But he didn't, he just stopped the kid that was hitting him. Then he left. He didn't kick him into a gelatinous pulp. He defended himself and then walked away. And I bet that kid will never punch him or another kid in the face again. And I don't believe the big kid will go around smashing kids to the ground to get everything he wants. I could be wrong on that. But I'll bet not.

Oh please. Because I am not a parent? It was my parent who taught me this attitude. On a personal level I can see being delighted that your child has hit back and stopped the bullying. But I know for a certainty that my Mum would find that video unpleasant if she heard that the lad had been hurt. And she is a parent.

It really pisses me off when people play that card. In a discussion on how to deal with the terrible twos, or teenaged tantrums? Sure, I know nothing. But whether or not violence is the riight response in any given situation is a different matter altogether. And the idea that being a parent is in itself a reason to view that clip differently just doesn't gel with what i know of friends and family who are parents.

Not every parent seeing that clip would share your view. And not every non-parent would share mine. Just because that's how it happens to break down in a conversation between a dozen people, doesn't mean any such thing. If it's the parenting that switches this on, then surely everyone not a 'nay sayer' must be a parent right?

Jesus H Fucking Christ. How dare you just lump us all together as the childless ones and therefore not privy to the great fucking transformation and therefore what? Wrong? Ignorant? Just don't get it because we haven't been 'switched on' yet?

Fuck. Now I really am insulted.

[Flint]

Dana, I don't want you to leave the thread. I appreciate what you are saying.

But I agree with monster. It may be one of the most trite-sounding clichés, but t here is no equivlent experience that can impart this knowledge. It's not a great conspiracy, but simply a logical condition.

There were times, as a child that I caused situations in which I got hurt/injured. Had my mum responded with I told you so, or serves you right, I'd have been devastated.

And this "devastation" would really, really cause you to PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION for once. This is called a "teachable moment" and as a parent you may only get ONE SHOT at having your child PAY ATTENTION to what you are saying. You don't squander it. Why is this necessary?

Unless you're a complete moron, some part of you will know that you did that to yourself and take the lesson anyway.

Because this is not true. As you have said in this very thread, the part of a child's brain that links actions to consequences is not fully physically developed until much later in life.

Maybe when the dust had settled it might have come up.

Nope, you'd be too late.

The child doesn't remember to attach ANY importance to what you are saying after you've soothed away the reality of the situation.

But the idea that I could come to physical harm and my parent respond with any kind of a lack of sympathy just does not compute for me.

Here is the reality of being a parent: if you care more about fuzzy wuzzy emotions than you do the child learning how to survive and act intelligently, then you are doing them a disservice. As a parent, you know that children do not have the experience to put "two and two together" in some situations, so it is YOUR JOB to make these connections for them.

NOT to be their "best friend" and NOT to make them "feel good" about everything. If you act stupidly, you SHOULD feel bad. As adults, we don't get a Santa Clause to "fix" things for us, so as a child, we shouldn't be taught that.

[monster]

Then maybe you missed learning a lesson along the way, Dana.

It was just a thought/comment/observation, not a diagnosis. Look back, see if it's right before you go off on one. Maybe you protest a little too much here. I would not be ecstatic if that was my kid. But I wouldn't punish him. I'm not "lumping you all together". I'm noting that I disagree with people I generally agree with, and agreeing with those I often don't, and wondering why. It's a logic thing. It may have nothing to do with parenting at all. get a grip and stop smoking that stuff, it's imparing your faculties.

[footfootfoot]

Yeah. A lot of theoretical ideas fly out the window when you actually have a child and see first hand how helpless and dependent on you they are for everything.

At least until they are old enough to go to fridge and get you another beer. <-- not even funny, but I had to put that in anyway.

[monster]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

At least until they are old enough to go to fridge and get you another beer. <-- not even funny, but I had to put that in anyway.

Is very funny to me

[Flint]

A lot of theoretical ideas fly out the window when you actually have a child ...

This is what I was trying to say, put more concisely.

"Knowing people who have kids" or whatever means a big, fat nothing. Live with the reality of having another human being's life in your hands, LITERALLY, day in day out, 24/7 for years and years on end. It's a little different than having a nephew or raising a fucking chihuahua.

If you don't like to hear this then you are shutting your ears to a logical, demonstrable reality.



BTW, wasn't it YOU that asked:

How the fuck would you feel if we were sitting here pronouncing awesome justice as your child rolls in pain?

I guess you didn't like the answer? Well next time don't try to "play that card" as you put it.

[lookout123]

dumbass bully's mom wants an apology. The only apology she should get is as follows, "I am sorry you didn't teach your little ratfuck not to abuse other people. Barring that I am sorry you didn't teach him to at least wonder if the person he chooses to pick on can pummel him into oblivion."

Also, the rat didn't receive a broken leg, the site I saw this on had that incorrect. I now return you to your previous moral dilemma.

For me it starts and ends with a little douchebag biting off more than he can chew. He chose to step up and abuse another human being. It just so happens that other human was bigger, stronger, and tired of being fucked with. Happy ending in my opinion.

[monster]

Originally Posted by lookout123

For me it starts and ends with a little douchebag biting off more than he can chew. He chose to step up and abuse another human being. It just so happens that other human was bigger, stronger, and tired of being fucked with. Happy ending in my opinion.

This.

[classicman]

The legend of Casey the Punisher (aka Casey Heynes) took a dramatic — and some would say disturbing — turn on Wednesday, as a notorious hackers group hijacked the 16-year-old’s school web site in protest of his suspension. The hacktivist group “Anonymous” has ~turned their guns on ~ the Australian school which suspended Casey Heynes for his role in the infamous bullying incident.

The moral of the story here is that you shouldn’t suspend a bullied kid unless you’re prepared to feel the wrath of the hacker community. Because most computer nerds were probably bullied when they were in school, they take this very personally.

Link


The little shit got what he deserved. How far would he have gone, had Casey not finally defended himself? What if it escalated till Casey got "really hurt"?
Keep poking a dog with a stick and eventually you'll get bit. Good for Casey. Hopefully good for the bully as well. Maybe he learned his lesson - FINALLY.

His mother apparently has not ...

But Gale's mother, Tina, says she and her family are the victims, now that the video has gone viral, and she says Heynes owes her family an apology.

"We don't need this posted everywhere," she told Australia's Seven Network on Wednesday. "I would like him to apologize."

Tina said she while was "shocked" at Ritchard's behavior, she didn't think he deserved to be slammed to the ground.

OH and by the way ...

Neither boy suffered serious injuries in the fight.

Read more:

[infinite monkey]

The bully doesn't have a chance in life. He does whatever he wants and his mommy defends him. We've all seen it. "Not MY boy, he's a perfect little angel." Exactly how he came to be what was depicted in the video. Wild children running around, you see them. I look at my nieces and remember my nephews when they were kids. Gee, I don't see them acting like assholes.

Casey needs to kick the shit out of mom, too.

It's sad, all around.

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Oh please. Because I am not a parent?

No, they're wrong. I'm an old, married father, and I agree that conflicts should be resolved without violence. I am not a barbarian.

[glatt]

I feel sorry for both these kids, with their full names and videos of them splashed up on the internet for the whole world to see forever. They are not celebrities. They deserve to be left alone. They are just kids.

These two will both be in their fifties, and a vanity Google search will still bring up this incident as a top hit. This incident will follow them both for the rest of their lives. Not fair.

[infinite monkey]

Yeah, things sure are different. When Eddie Haskell picked on someone, it might get back to his parents, or even Ward...but it didn't become national news.

I don't consider myself violent either, Spexx. But I do know that kid wouldn't have been punching on me even that long. I can't fathom just taking it, though that's all godlike and stuff. There have been very few times I was pushed into the proverbial corner enough to defend myself, and I always felt bad after, but I'll be damned if someone gets to just pummel the fuck out of me for fun.

[Pete Zicato]

a penny arcade comic.

[Spexxvet]

On an emotional level, it's satisfying to see the victim turn the tables. It's not so hard to see the metaphor - the big kid represents the huge American middle class, and the little one is the upper class just jab, jab, jabbing the middle class in the face, demanding that the middle class take on more tax burden, while laying them off and cutting their salaries and benefits. Then the middle class rises up and body slams the upper class. Yeah, that feels good.

But mature adults don't condone that behavior.