I bailed out my guitarist today

Undertoad · 08-02-2011, 01:42 AM

I bailed out my guitarist today.

As I write that sentence, I realize that the phrase "I bailed out my guitarist" may be one of the most common phrases in the English language.

Not really bailed out, so much as moved the money he needed to pay his fine from its source, to the family court offices.

So I go to the family court offices and give them the money for the fine, and they give me a receipt for the money and a ticket for him. An officer of the court comes down to explain what I'm to do next.

"Do you know how to get to the jail?"

"Uh.... mail fraud?"

So I have to drive a few miles away to where the actual prisoners are kept, to find that my guitarist will not be immediately released into my recognizance or whatever. I was hoping I could just pick him up, like a coat check, here's the ticket, OK here's your guitarist. Wait a minute. This is not my guitarist. Oh, you're right, you have ticket 84 and I've given you number 85. Here you are sir, number 84. Yes, this is my guitarist, thank you.

And then I could drive him back to his place, and we could joke about it along the way, and I could explain that killing his ex-wife would just be counter-productive and they would know it was you immediately.

But instead, the coat check lady explained that they were still booking him, and that it could take another 3 hours. I asked whether she could relay my phone number to him, in case he has no other way home. She explained that messaging is not a service they provide at the jail.

Aliantha · 08-02-2011, 02:04 AM

Quote:

She explained that messaging is not a service they provide at the jail.

hahaha...that was a good one.

grynch · 08-02-2011, 02:08 AM

co'mon... .you're Jake and Elwood aren't ya?

Griff · 08-02-2011, 05:44 AM

Funny stuff UT, sorta.

Sundae · 08-02-2011, 05:52 AM

Have you had him delivered yet?
Take him to Griff's for breakfast.

Trilby · 08-02-2011, 06:07 AM

I was in jail for about 4 hours (but I was really wasted so I just napped) but it DID suck as I recall. First of all, they took all my jewelry! And, the booking people were kinda snarky. And the "girls" in the holding tank were commenting on how High I was (and I was...it was all very dreamy, like being underwater...but I remember the admiring looks. No doubt they were wishing they were as high).

I was bailed out as soon as possible - and it still took four hours.

what, if I may be so crude, did your guitarist do, exactly, to land him in the arms of the state?

Clodfobble · 08-02-2011, 09:59 AM

You're a good band mate, UT. And your story was quite funny, despite whatever may have happened to your guitarist to put him in such a state.

Trilby · 08-02-2011, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

...despite whatever may have happened to your guitarist to put him in such a state.

Diplomacy.

Clodfobble haz it.

Spexxvet · 08-02-2011, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

what, if I may be so crude, did your guitarist do, exactly, to land him in the arms of the state?

My guess is that he was late on a payment to his ex-wife.

Do I win the grand prize?

Undertoad · 08-02-2011, 11:24 AM

Winner winner sheen dinner

Mistake #1, marry a crazy chick. They all seem hot and sexy when they are in their 20s. Men in their 20s make the mistake of hooking up with crazy chicks; women in the 20s make the mistake of hooking up with assholes.

Mistake #2, he missed a support payment while unemployed.

Mistake #3, he went to a hearing on this missed payment without documentation that he had been making payments all along. The insane ex told the judge he had *never* made a payment and turned on the waterworks. The judge said now it's $1000 or 60 days. He did not have $1000 immediately on hand.

When I say crazy and/or insane, I mean she is permanently one inch off of losing it, and has been hospitalized in the past for being a danger to herself and others. Since the divorce, she has been fired and was arrested for shoplifting. Arrested means she's a serial offender as they do not arrest people who have done it once or twice.

Since the divorce, her personal project is making my guitarist's life a living hell, and using every resource at hand to do it. She appears to have no concern that her children are innocent bystanders getting hit with debris. For example 60 days in jail would result in no income or payments at all for her children, but this was not in her line of thought. It is a fuck.

infinite monkey · 08-02-2011, 11:28 AM

Women like that make me want to barf.

But for levity:

Who goes to jail
And asks UT for bail
Baby it's the guitar man.
Who pays the ex
Cause he once wanted sex
Baby it's the guitar man

Undertoad · 08-02-2011, 11:34 AM

that will be sung at our next rehearsal.

infinite monkey · 08-02-2011, 11:37 AM

Yay!

Trilby · 08-02-2011, 11:54 AM

Oh, that just sucks, UT.

I was crazy in my 20's and I hooked up with (sort of) assholes in their 20's BUT - the kids always, always, always, came before any of our craziness. always.

This woman is using her energy all wrong - but I don't have to tell you that.

And it does rather ask the question - HOW is a jailed person supposed to support anyone at all? Don't throw them in jail, ffs, get them to a job!

PS - really nice song, IM. Very nice.

Nirvana · 08-02-2011, 12:58 PM

Some women are born cunts.
I think IM has a job writing songs for your band UT

08-02-2011, 05:44 AM	#4
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Funny stuff UT, sorta. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

08-02-2011, 06:07 AM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I was in jail for about 4 hours (but I was really wasted so I just napped) but it DID suck as I recall. First of all, they took all my jewelry! And, the booking people were kinda snarky. And the "girls" in the holding tank were commenting on how High I was (and I was...it was all very dreamy, like being underwater...but I remember the admiring looks. No doubt they were wishing they were as high). I was bailed out as soon as possible - and it still took four hours. what, if I may be so crude, did your guitarist do, exactly, to land him in the arms of the state? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum Last edited by Trilby; 08-02-2011 at 06:14 AM.

08-02-2011, 09:59 AM	#7
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	You're a good band mate, UT. And your story was quite funny, despite whatever may have happened to your guitarist to put him in such a state. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-02-2011, 11:54 AM	#14
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Oh, that just sucks, UT. I was crazy in my 20's and I hooked up with (sort of) assholes in their 20's BUT - the kids always, always, always, came before any of our craziness. always. This woman is using her energy all wrong - but I don't have to tell you that. And it does rather ask the question - HOW is a jailed person supposed to support anyone at all? Don't throw them in jail, ffs, get them to a job! PS - really nice song, IM. Very nice. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

08-02-2011, 12:58 PM	#15
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Some women are born cunts. I think IM has a job writing songs for your band UT __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

08-02-2011, 01:42 AM	#1
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I bailed out my guitarist today I bailed out my guitarist today. As I write that sentence, I realize that the phrase "I bailed out my guitarist" may be one of the most common phrases in the English language. Not really bailed out, so much as moved the money he needed to pay his fine from its source, to the family court offices. So I go to the family court offices and give them the money for the fine, and they give me a receipt for the money and a ticket for him. An officer of the court comes down to explain what I'm to do next. "Do you know how to get to the jail?" "Uh.... mail fraud?" So I have to drive a few miles away to where the actual prisoners are kept, to find that my guitarist will not be immediately released into my recognizance or whatever. I was hoping I could just pick him up, like a coat check, here's the ticket, OK here's your guitarist. Wait a minute. This is not my guitarist. Oh, you're right, you have ticket 84 and I've given you number 85. Here you are sir, number 84. Yes, this is my guitarist, thank you. And then I could drive him back to his place, and we could joke about it along the way, and I could explain that killing his ex-wife would just be counter-productive and they would know it was you immediately. But instead, the coat check lady explained that they were still booking him, and that it could take another 3 hours. I asked whether she could relay my phone number to him, in case he has no other way home. She explained that messaging is not a service they provide at the jail.

08-02-2011, 02:08 AM	#3
grynch the big Cheese Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Switzerland Posts: 390	co'mon... .you're Jake and Elwood aren't ya?

08-02-2011, 05:52 AM	#5
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Have you had him delivered yet? Take him to Griff's for breakfast.

08-02-2011, 11:24 AM	#10
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Winner winner sheen dinner Mistake #1, marry a crazy chick. They all seem hot and sexy when they are in their 20s. Men in their 20s make the mistake of hooking up with crazy chicks; women in the 20s make the mistake of hooking up with assholes. Mistake #2, he missed a support payment while unemployed. Mistake #3, he went to a hearing on this missed payment without documentation that he had been making payments all along. The insane ex told the judge he had never made a payment and turned on the waterworks. The judge said now it's $1000 or 60 days. He did not have $1000 immediately on hand. When I say crazy and/or insane, I mean she is permanently one inch off of losing it, and has been hospitalized in the past for being a danger to herself and others. Since the divorce, she has been fired and was arrested for shoplifting. Arrested means she's a serial offender as they do not arrest people who have done it once or twice. Since the divorce, her personal project is making my guitarist's life a living hell, and using every resource at hand to do it. She appears to have no concern that her children are innocent bystanders getting hit with debris. For example 60 days in jail would result in no income or payments at all for her children, but this was not in her line of thought. It is a fuck.

08-02-2011, 11:28 AM	#11
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Women like that make me want to barf. But for levity: Who goes to jail And asks UT for bail Baby it's the guitar man. Who pays the ex Cause he once wanted sex Baby it's the guitar man

08-02-2011, 11:34 AM	#12
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	that will be sung at our next rehearsal.

08-02-2011, 11:37 AM	#13
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Yay!

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