Carp with an attitude

The following, from the Colorado Springs Independent , is my gift for you all to contemplate this Memorial Day Weekend (especially if you plan to get a little fishing in):

"Reports are increasing in the southeastern and midwestern United States of silver carp jumping out of rivers and smacking boaters on the head or hitting boat throttles, causing bursts of speed. Several state workers in Missouri have filed compensation claims after being slugged by these carp, which can weigh as much as a hundred pounds. "They jump crazy in the air when they see a boat coming," said Duane Chapman, a U.S. Geological Survey fisheries biologist from Columbia, Mo., who added that a carp hit him in the mouth while he was standing in his boat."

Questions:

1) Should the state of Missouri put more funding into schools of fish in order to instill them with a proper respect for mankind?

2) What the heck is the U.S. GEOLOGICAL survey doing hiring fisheries biologists? What do these biologists normally do besides insult carp? Study fossil fishes and instill our youth with evolutionary science propaganda?

3) Just what could this man have said to the carp that the fish felt he had to hit him in the mouth over the insult? Shouldn't our civil service employees be more civil and why should they sue the government if they're not?

I humbly await your enlightenment on these things...