What is a relationship?

lumberjim · 03-09-2005, 10:29 AM

early twenties. waxing philosophical about relationships, expectations, rules, and the lot. I'm sittin here on the group 'W" bench at the ripe old age of 34. old enough to see through these words to the real message, and young enough to remember when these thoughts went through my own internal process of evolution. Your relationship ( and it IS a relationship) is just like anyone else's. just as you are exactly as unique as everyone else. every relationship has its own set of rules (and you DO have rules). What you are describing is a committed relationship with a partner with the cavat that you willl tolerate casual sex or flirting on the side as long as the core of your relationship remains intact.

see also elf's gig.

The conscious effort to NOT have expectations of your mate is a defense against being dissapointed when they are inevitably unmet or resisted. It works in the beginning, but I think you'll find that as time goes by, and you have more and more time invested with your bloke, his flirting will bother you more and more. If the relationship survives this, you'll move into a place where you actually ARE secure enough, and trust him enough to where the flirting will spice up your own sex life instead of undermining your trust in each other. What if you had not been in that bar where the cow was twirling his hair? do you think he'd have shagged her or come home and knocked the bottom out of YOU?

It's good to define your relationship, not bad. BUT> be honest with each other at all times about the rules and how they make you feel. if you're truly OK with him boinking someone else just because there's nothing you can do to prevent it......well, then fine. Personally I think that just the way you worded that lends to the fact that you DO have a problem with it and have simply resigned yourself to it. Had you said that it doesn;t bother you because sex is just sex, and you know he'll be careful not to catch anything, and it kind of turns you on to see him flirt ...or whatever.....i might buy it. but you didn't.

03-09-2005, 10:29 AM	#35
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	early twenties. waxing philosophical about relationships, expectations, rules, and the lot. I'm sittin here on the group 'W" bench at the ripe old age of 34. old enough to see through these words to the real message, and young enough to remember when these thoughts went through my own internal process of evolution. Your relationship ( and it IS a relationship) is just like anyone else's. just as you are exactly as unique as everyone else. every relationship has its own set of rules (and you DO have rules). What you are describing is a committed relationship with a partner with the cavat that you willl tolerate casual sex or flirting on the side as long as the core of your relationship remains intact. see also elf's gig. The conscious effort to NOT have expectations of your mate is a defense against being dissapointed when they are inevitably unmet or resisted. It works in the beginning, but I think you'll find that as time goes by, and you have more and more time invested with your bloke, his flirting will bother you more and more. If the relationship survives this, you'll move into a place where you actually ARE secure enough, and trust him enough to where the flirting will spice up your own sex life instead of undermining your trust in each other. What if you had not been in that bar where the cow was twirling his hair? do you think he'd have shagged her or come home and knocked the bottom out of YOU? It's good to define your relationship, not bad. BUT> be honest with each other at all times about the rules and how they make you feel. if you're truly OK with him boinking someone else just because there's nothing you can do to prevent it......well, then fine. Personally I think that just the way you worded that lends to the fact that you DO have a problem with it and have simply resigned yourself to it. Had you said that it doesn;t bother you because sex is just sex, and you know he'll be careful not to catch anything, and it kind of turns you on to see him flirt ...or whatever.....i might buy it. but you didn't. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

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