01/12/03: Computer Guy

[juju]

When I was a teenager, I met this guy who was as obsessed with computers as I was. Quite a find, since back then, in my area, computers were still mysterious, complicated, and exotic. I was exhilerated to actually find someone in person that I could actually talk about computers with.

I sort of stopped talking to him after a while because I found that he was one of those types who're obsessed with having things. You know the type: Bigger, better, must have more! Did you hear about the new X gigahertz CPU? I have 2 gig of RAM, yeah baby! My video card is so fast. Look how great it renders things!

He sort of reminded me of this guy I used to play D&D with. He always wanted the biggest, strongest character. He was literally obsessed with power. He would use all sorts of obscure rule tweaks to get really beefy characters, and then would be just itching to get in a big fight. That was like his climax, and he would talk about the battles his characters had been in for weeks afterwards. I can almost see the orgasm expression on his face as he killed 100 Orcs with one fell swoop of his sword-of-ultimate-power.

Computer guy reminded me of RPG guy, though not as intense or insane about it. I think it's because I've always been a lover of utility. Why obess over all the new hardware that's on the market when your computer is more than up to any task you're likely to put to it? What's it all good for? What about enjoying things for what they're meant for, and not just because they're bigger, faster, better?

A few years later, I visted his new house to obtain some software. He had gotten married and moved out of his parent's house (I hadn't). This was interesting to me, because it was like my prophecy. After all, he was like me, only farther down the road.

His house was a complete wreck. Now, I'm not the sort to really care about such things, because I really don't get it. I don't think it reflects on people's character at all. When people apologize to me about their house being messy, I usually just roll my eyes. But I had never seen a disaster like this before. It was difficult to find room to walk in some places.

That's not even it, though. He had two kids; little kids, just old enough to speak. They were filthy, and they were starving. While we were oogling over his computer and talking about the latest software, they would come in occassionally and beg him for food. "Please, daddy, I'm starving. I need to eat." "Go away, I'm working on the computer". He barely even looked at them whenever this would happen, because he was so obsessed with what he was doing. When he was into what he was doing, nothing could break his attention. Just like me.

That image of starving children and a man hunkered over a computer sears into my head to this very day. I'll never forget it. To me, that was my future. I'm just like that guy. I knew that I would be like that someday.

I'm so obsessed with computers that nothing can break my attention. I used to forget to eat. I'd just forget! I'd go all day before the hunger pangs would sieze me and my stomach would clench, and I'd feel like falling over. Only then could I be hassled enough to go downstairs and get some food in my system, and that was only because it would let me get back to being on the computer.

Am I just like that guy? The image haunts me, that I might have kids someday and treat them like that.

Today, my wife has an irrevokable license to get my attention. No matter what I'm doing, even if it's saving the world, I'll stop what I'm doing and go into the bedroom to be with her. It takes real disipline, but I have rock-solid devotion to hold up our deal. Today, she's never had to do without my attention whenever she's needed it.

But only because of computer guy.