I did it again

Tell her you have a problem, not with her, with yourself and you want help and you want her to help you get help and tell her you are truly sorry (if you are) for both incidents.
Tell her (if it is the truth) that they were not about her, but something you have not dealt with yet.
I think you have intimacy problem(s) and you are sabotaging... it seems that way to me, but I don't know much.
One thing is certain, the longer you wait the easier the rage will come, the faster, the less time you will have to react, the fewer clues you will get it is happening as it happens (you will never get warning), and the more severe the actions will be against her and later others you love... always those you love. This I promise you, with no hesitation and absolute certainty.
This is not part of your conscious mind's activity and cannot be fought without help, and it is not going to happen quickly.
You are in pain and you are going to have to admit to yourself why, then deal with it.