6/7/2004: Ham art

[PillowLover]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Well hello PillowLover....you seem to have given this an awful lot of thought :P

Welcome to the Cellar....it is what it is.

I guess I love to take some of the ideas of the artist who has already set up the "Ham Bed" and combine the media and treatments in ways the artist has not conceived of. That is why, I suggest the combination of the ham slices, with cheese ("Cheese House" & "Cheese Room"). And since I love to see bedding and pillows messed up ("Pillows") I have suggested combining the three methods.

The natural outcome of those combinations would be the bed with several layers of feather-down pillows that have been arranged in rows where the pillows are stood on edge. I would recommend at least three rows of Feather-down pillows with two feather-down pillows in each row. The bed would be more complete if one or two down comforters were spread on the bed and folded back just short of touching the pillows.

At this point, I would pour a layer of melted cheese (or possibly start with chocolate syrup) all over the bed where it would coat the feather-down pillows and down comforters. Probably only an eighth of an inch of cheese (or chocolate syrup) covering the bed, feather-down pillows and down comforters.

Next I would love to see a layer of some other food, like thin sliced pepperoni or other sausage. The final layer of food could be melted cheddar cheese (or chocolate syrup) spread thinly all over the bed.

At this point, the bed could be left outdoors for a couple of months to make sure all the cheese and chocolate syrup have saturated the feather-down pillows and down comforters on the bed.

Finally, as per Burning Piano, the bed that has been coated with several layers of foods could now be set on fire and many pictures from many different distances, angles and elevations would be taken, (Maybe even have a video made) that would show the consumption of the bed and all those foods by the fire.

Since there is a possibility that the bed and bedding may have become wet with rain during the period the bed is left outside, a flammable substance such as gasoline or alcohol may need to be liberally poured on the bed to promote the burning of the mattress, feather-down pillows, down comforters and all the food substances that have been put on the bed.

I would recommend a gallon of flammable liquid be poured in the space between each of the rows of feather-down pillows and two or three more gallons of flammable liquid poured between the mattress and the down comforters on the bed.

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Another method would be to not use the various food substances mentioned above, but instead, set up the bed in an open arena. The bed would consist of a mattress on the bed frame. Be sure to photograph the process of setting up the bed so everybody will know what materials were used to make the bed. Again, I would arrange three or four rows of feather-down pillows stood on end (two feather-down pillows in each row. Next, two or maybe even four down comforters could be arranged on the bed with the down comforters folded where they just touch the feather-down pillows.

Now that the bed has been set up with all the feather-down pillows and whatever number of down comforters we decide to use, I would recommend the use of a shotgun or a semi-automatic rifle to shoot a lot of holes in the feather-down pillows and the down comforters. Keep shooting at those feather-down pillows and the down comforters until clumps of feathers come out of the feather-down pillows and the down comforters.

IF necessary, a flammable substance could be poured between the rows of feather-down pillows and underneath the down comforters on the bed. A whole series of web cameras could be set up around the bed, and then the bed set afire. I would love to see the progress of the fire as the fire consumes the down comforters, the feather-down pillows and the mattress and bed frame.