06/03/03: Is being gay a choice?

[99 44/100% pure]

Originally posted by juju
. . . marriage is work. You've got to reach compromises, learn to live with each other and work as a team, and not piss each other off. It requires constant maintenance and understanding, both of which have nothing to do with love. The love just makes it all worth it. . . .

Well, I would argue that the love is what makes all that work possible, but that's just nit-picking. As for nature vs. nurture, I think we'll eventually find that the two are more inextricably connected than we can now imagine. Personally, I think that orientation is primarily nature, but behavior (acting on one's orientation) is more a matter of choice. The question we seem to be struggling with in our current society is, should we expect a small minority to make difficult behavioral choices in order to conform with the basic nature of the vast majority?

In the case of Juju's couple, I think divorce would be best for all, including the kids. I had to make a similarly difficult decision with my marriage (not over sexual orientation, but a serious mental-health problem) after 15 years and three kids. Complicating matters was that we didn't hate each other, we were both good parents, and we enjoyed each other's company. Nevertheless, we are all better off now, separated, than we were three years ago.