Declarations for the good of mankind

[Treasenuak]

Cicero, I luv you lady. You hit the nail on the head much more eloquently than I could have; thank you.

Brian, I don't know what your issue is with psychiatrists or drugs, but I didn't exactly have your option of "manning up". When I got out of that relationship, there was so little untraumatized psychological material left in my head, I quite literally could not function on a daily basis. If left alone, I would stand in the center of the room with a blank look on my face until someone came and told me what to do. I did not know how to function. Ergo, I got some pretty heady drugs and intensive therapy. Over the past several years, the drugs have been weaned away bit by bit, except for a couple. One of these is a highly neurologically addictive drug that helps control the panics. Because this is a neuro-chemical addiction, I can't be taken off it, except very very slowly, over the course of a decade (?) because of the dose I take and how long I've been on it. So yes. I'm on drugs. No, I am not ashamed of it. And I am now capable of living by myself and caring for myself and my little girl without assistance, something I once believed would never be possible for me. As to why I didn't leave him? Because I loved him. Because it took nearly a year for me to realize what he was doing was abuse (I was raised in a very sheltered home and didn't know people DID these kinds of things to each other...). Because it took me that long to set up an escape that he couldn't track. Because I feared for my life. And because no matter how much "self-defense" it might have been, back then I would not have killed for ANY reason. Could I? Yes. Would I? No. That was my moral line in the sand. And while I appreciate your offer to talk, I do not think that would be edifying for either of us.