What would you do?

anonymous · 07-04-2009, 06:33 AM

My husband had a work emergency yesterday afternoon, which does happen on a fairly regular basis. He was gone for about an hour and a half, but then some awkward behavior afterward, plus timing with other events left me with a funny feeling about the whole thing. I checked his phone while he was sleeping, and found a placed call just after he left to a person who has nothing to do with work. While in general he might have reason to call this woman, I can't think of any reason why he would have needed to right then. What I was really looking for was a text message history, but I couldn't find it anywhere (it's a blackberry, if anyone knows of a hidden menu somewhere, but I suspect he just doesn't keep the logs.)

Here's the thing, he did cheat on me before, about 8 years ago before we were married. That situation was a whole lot more complicated than simple lust, we went to counseling, we hammered everything out, and obviously I thought it was truly all in the past or I never would have married him. But the alarms can never truly go all the way back down to green, can they?

Do I pursue this path? There's no way to ask him about it without admitting I was digging through his phone, so even if he comes up with a good answer the conversation is going to be unpleasant. But the real problem is, I don't know if I want to know. I am in no position for the marriage to end, not emotionally, not financially, not in any way. I don't care what the truth is, if this path leads to divorce I am not interested. On the other hand, ignoring this may allow things to become more involved, which could lead to the destruction of the relationship in itself.

WTF do I do? Wait for more suspicious behavior so I have a better reason to bring it up? Forget I saw anything? Ask him flat out, and tell him I have a right to snoop through his phone anytime I want because I'm his wife? I'm really pretty sure he's not looking to leave, but if I force it out in the open will there be no other choice in the long run? This is killing me.

07-04-2009, 06:33 AM	#1
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	What would you do? My husband had a work emergency yesterday afternoon, which does happen on a fairly regular basis. He was gone for about an hour and a half, but then some awkward behavior afterward, plus timing with other events left me with a funny feeling about the whole thing. I checked his phone while he was sleeping, and found a placed call just after he left to a person who has nothing to do with work. While in general he might have reason to call this woman, I can't think of any reason why he would have needed to right then. What I was really looking for was a text message history, but I couldn't find it anywhere (it's a blackberry, if anyone knows of a hidden menu somewhere, but I suspect he just doesn't keep the logs.) Here's the thing, he did cheat on me before, about 8 years ago before we were married. That situation was a whole lot more complicated than simple lust, we went to counseling, we hammered everything out, and obviously I thought it was truly all in the past or I never would have married him. But the alarms can never truly go all the way back down to green, can they? Do I pursue this path? There's no way to ask him about it without admitting I was digging through his phone, so even if he comes up with a good answer the conversation is going to be unpleasant. But the real problem is, I don't know if I want to know. I am in no position for the marriage to end, not emotionally, not financially, not in any way. I don't care what the truth is, if this path leads to divorce I am not interested. On the other hand, ignoring this may allow things to become more involved, which could lead to the destruction of the relationship in itself. WTF do I do? Wait for more suspicious behavior so I have a better reason to bring it up? Forget I saw anything? Ask him flat out, and tell him I have a right to snoop through his phone anytime I want because I'm his wife? I'm really pretty sure he's not looking to leave, but if I force it out in the open will there be no other choice in the long run? This is killing me.

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