I'm Jim, and I'm a Compulsive Overeater

[jinx]

Originally Posted by glatt

It's not all on you, jinx.

There's got to be a middle way. People generally lie when they are trying to avoid "punishment" for something. They don't want to get in trouble, so they lie to avoid it. Take away the punishment, and you take away the motivation for lying. At the same time, structuring your lives differently so that the bad behavior is less of an option should reduce incidents of it. If it's money, taking control of the finances. If it's something else, there may be other things you guys can do.

Of course, saying to him he won't get in trouble when he's doing whatever he's doing assumes that the behavior is something you can live with when it does happen. If the bad behavior is a deal breaker, then it's not going to work.

I'm on the outside, so I have no idea what you guys are dealing with. But you can probably find a middle way if you look for it.

Thanks glatt. A middle way would be good.
Right now, from my perspective, Jim does want to be in trouble. He wants me to act like a mom to him. We've discussed this, and that I'm not into it several times.

Any action can, and has been, taken to the deal breaker level if one tries hard enough - that's the reason I stepped in to steer the help towards the problem and not the specific actions. I'd like to figure out the motivation for the deal breaking shit. The obvious one is that one wants out of the relationship. If that's not it, then what?