Mar 25th, 2016: VegeCode

[xoxoxoBruce]

If we continue to snoop around galaxy, there's a chance we might encounter living things, although a much smaller chance of
recognizing them as such. But for the sake of argument discussion, lets say we encounter the fabled, “Little Green Men”. Chances are
“We come in peace” or “Take me to your leader,” in any Earth language, isn’t going to cut it. For that reason scientist have been studying how things we classify as alive, communicate.

The fact plants communicate by releasing chemicals in the air, and have been playing touchy feely with root tendrils, has been
established for some time. After considerable consumption of Absinthe, Eddie Snowden told me there has been a huge breakthrough
at a secret lab in Cuba (rendition is just a cover story), where they have been recording and translating ultrasonic VegeCode.
Here’s a short transcription;

I don’t get it, dude, I remember all the adults around me being tall and broad, producing big full grown fruit. Standing proud, bragging, and chiding each other over their prowess. They were my heroes, what I aspired to be, and still do.

Whoa, chill out baby, gaze your navel, this is a brave new world. It’s a great life, so relax and enjoy the itchless bug free life of luxury.

I appreciate how they take care of me, feed me, water me, constantly clipping my dry split ends, but I don’t get any taller. How can I become the tall broad tree to produce the fruit of my wet dreams?

Uh, I guess I’m left to break it to you... I hate when this happens, sigh.
Look kid, your tribe was attacked by the vicious Urban Realtors. They, your friends, your family, are all lumber, and the orchard is now condos. You are lucky to have been rescued, but you have to accept your new family, the Bonsai tribe.

What? No! That’s not possible, that’s crazy talk, I must produce a full size fruit, I have to, I just have to.
Goddamnit, I swear on a cider jug, I'll find a way, I will bear full sized fruit!

......

And he did.