I get to post this cuz I'm a girl!

03-12-2006, 02:16 PM

:p Hormones

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Some Things PMS Stands For:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift

People Make me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing

Pitiful Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
Pack My Stuff......

. ..And my favorite one...
Potential Murder Suspect

And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings.

My friend's husband, not happy with her
mood swings, bought her a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to monitor her moods. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When
she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe
next time he'll buy her diamonds.

Here have some chocolate.

slang · 03-12-2006, 02:22 PM

Never really thought about it but some type of chocolate should by in my disaster survival backsack.

Seriously though....chocolate? It's been said before that this is the magic but how effective is it?

Thought it was more of a joke than anything.

03-12-2006, 02:30 PM

Chocolate will get even you out of the most disasterous situation with a member of the female persuasion, Slang. We girls adore chocolate! If a man offers us a box of chocolates (I personally like Godiva or REAL Swiss), we are instantly touched by his thoughtfulness and sincerity. How can you be mad at someone with a delicious piece of chocolate melting in your mouth? Chocolate is said to release endorphins similiar to the ones that morphine induces. Chocolate! Its the secret to success with the fairer sex!

Rock Steady · 03-12-2006, 03:11 PM

female persuasion ... I love that phrase. It's so......inclusive.

And thanks for the Hormones piece.

Trilby · 03-13-2006, 01:45 PM

I do love a good chocolate buzz, but, in these times of economic insecurity and, more important, personal FATNESS, i prefer the elegant flower. gardenia or cala lilly...and always, roses.

Am blatant Flower Child today. Deal.

kerosene · 03-13-2006, 07:24 PM

I don't really get the chocolate thing. funny post, though.

slang · 03-13-2006, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

Chocolate will get even you out of the most disasterous situation ..........How can you be mad at someone with a delicious piece of chocolate melting in your mouth?

Good advice. I never thought that pouring some Hershey chocolate syrup on my COCK(!!) might help yield a little additional action but since you've just confirmed it here I'll buy a bottle right away.

Dear diary, I think I've found the secret that I've been looking for in the most unusual place....it seems that I've not had the chocolate syrup.......

Kagen4o4 · 03-13-2006, 08:27 PM

damn you slang! all throughout reading everyones posts, i was thinking of writing about making a "chocolate log" but YOU had to go and write it first!

DANGEROUS: Hey, im not the one making you bleed

DANGEROUS: I dont see what the big deal is

DANGEROUS: It cant be that bad

DANGEROUS: Great! no sex for a week

DANGEROUS: You sound like your mother

DANGEROUS: sorry theres no chocolate left, i ate it all

DANGEROUS: the last thing you need is more chocolate

DANGEROUS: Come on, theres at least 2 other holes i can use

DANGEROUS: why are you being such a bitch all of a sudden?

ULTRASAFE: Youre so strong to be able to go through this all the time, i wish i knew what it was like so i could understand the pain. but since i cant im going to do everything in my power to make it easier. Please, sit down and put your feet up, im going to make you some soup then cook dinner. Here, you can keep the remote control tonight. heres a block of cadbury chocolate until the soups ready. i love you. youre so beautiful

SteveDallas · 03-15-2006, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

How can you be mad at someone with a delicious piece of chocolate melting in your mouth?

Oh, I expect I know a couple folks who could pull that off.

yesman065 · 03-15-2006, 10:49 AM

Kagen that's a classic!

seakdivers · 03-15-2006, 11:10 AM

Once again, this proves that I am not a typical girl. I really don't like chocolate. I will eat some every once in a while, but I definitely don't get cravings for it, or think about it if it's not right in front of me.

Now something smoked/ pickled/ salty or sour.... that's what I like.

03-15-2006, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seakdivers

Once again, this proves that I am not a typical girl. I really don't like chocolate. I will eat some every once in a while, but I definitely don't get cravings for it, or think about it if it's not right in front of me.

Now something smoked/ pickled/ salty or sour.... that's what I like.

Ultrasafe: Here, seakdivers, have some pickled herring!

Trilby · 03-15-2006, 11:58 AM

Ultra-Ultra safe: here, seakdivers, have some smoked, pickled herring!

Iggy · 03-15-2006, 12:28 PM

I'm not a big fan of chocolate either. Give me some nice flowers or another sweet gesture (like a card for no reason) and I am good to go.

SteveDallas · 03-15-2006, 12:32 PM

Ultra-Ultra-Double-Super-Ultra Safe: Just hide in your apartment and don't give the women an opportunity to cause you any damage.

03-12-2006, 02:16 PM	#1
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	I get to post this cuz I'm a girl! :p Hormones The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!! DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: What did I do wrong? SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars. ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate. Some Things PMS Stands For: Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift People Make me Sick Provide Me with Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pitiful Mood Syndrome Plainly Men Suck Pack My Stuff...... . ..And my favorite one... Potential Murder Suspect And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings. My friend's husband, not happy with her mood swings, bought her a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor her moods. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy her diamonds. Here have some chocolate.

03-12-2006, 03:11 PM	#4
Rock Steady Day Tripper Join Date: May 2005 Location: Silicon Valley Posts: 784	female persuasion ... I love that phrase. It's so......inclusive. And thanks for the Hormones piece. __________________

03-13-2006, 01:45 PM	#5
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I do love a good chocolate buzz, but, in these times of economic insecurity and, more important, personal FATNESS, i prefer the elegant flower. gardenia or cala lilly...and always, roses. Am blatant Flower Child today. Deal. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

03-15-2006, 11:58 AM	#13
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Ultra-Ultra safe: here, seakdivers, have some smoked, pickled herring! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

03-15-2006, 12:28 PM	#14
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	I'm not a big fan of chocolate either. Give me some nice flowers or another sweet gesture (like a card for no reason) and I am good to go. __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

03-12-2006, 02:22 PM	#2
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Never really thought about it but some type of chocolate should by in my disaster survival backsack. Seriously though....chocolate? It's been said before that this is the magic but how effective is it? Thought it was more of a joke than anything.

03-12-2006, 02:30 PM	#3
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Chocolate will get even you out of the most disasterous situation with a member of the female persuasion, Slang. We girls adore chocolate! If a man offers us a box of chocolates (I personally like Godiva or REAL Swiss), we are instantly touched by his thoughtfulness and sincerity. How can you be mad at someone with a delicious piece of chocolate melting in your mouth? Chocolate is said to release endorphins similiar to the ones that morphine induces. Chocolate! Its the secret to success with the fairer sex!

03-13-2006, 07:24 PM	#6
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	I don't really get the chocolate thing. funny post, though.

03-13-2006, 08:27 PM	#8
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	damn you slang! all throughout reading everyones posts, i was thinking of writing about making a "chocolate log" but YOU had to go and write it first! DANGEROUS: Hey, im not the one making you bleed DANGEROUS: I dont see what the big deal is DANGEROUS: It cant be that bad DANGEROUS: Great! no sex for a week DANGEROUS: You sound like your mother DANGEROUS: sorry theres no chocolate left, i ate it all DANGEROUS: the last thing you need is more chocolate DANGEROUS: Come on, theres at least 2 other holes i can use DANGEROUS: why are you being such a bitch all of a sudden? ULTRASAFE: Youre so strong to be able to go through this all the time, i wish i knew what it was like so i could understand the pain. but since i cant im going to do everything in my power to make it easier. Please, sit down and put your feet up, im going to make you some soup then cook dinner. Here, you can keep the remote control tonight. heres a block of cadbury chocolate until the soups ready. i love you. youre so beautiful

03-15-2006, 10:49 AM	#10
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Kagen that's a classic!

03-15-2006, 11:10 AM	#11
seakdivers Icy Queen Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Southeast Alaska Posts: 700	Once again, this proves that I am not a typical girl. I really don't like chocolate. I will eat some every once in a while, but I definitely don't get cravings for it, or think about it if it's not right in front of me. Now something smoked/ pickled/ salty or sour.... that's what I like.

03-15-2006, 12:32 PM	#15
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	Ultra-Ultra-Double-Super-Ultra Safe: Just hide in your apartment and don't give the women an opportunity to cause you any damage.

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