Bad choices of lovers

[Iggy]

I agree with KinkyVixen. People just don't know what they want. There is some self-sabotage as well though. Especially with people who have been abused. In my experience, they feel like they are damaged goods and don't deserve someone who will treat them well.

[Stormieweather]

Actually, victims of abuse gravitate towards what they know. I call it their 'discomfort zone'. There are behaviors and attitudes they are familiar with and within which they have learned to function. Their lack of self-esteem attracts abusers who see a likely target. People who have been abused haven't learned what healthy boundaries are and abusive types easily charm them (commonly using techniques that other people would reject as absurd).

Usually, abuse victims come from chaotic backgrounds and in many cases, have become addicted to the adreneline high of drama. They don't feel 'alive' unless they are involved in some sort of crisis and bad boys/girls provide that. Nice guys/girls bore them. They bore themselves. External thrills, risks, are what they're after in order to continue to experience life on the edge.

It takes a lot of work on self to learn to love oneself when life has taught you that you are unworthy and without value. It takes effort to discover that a peaceful existence is highly preferable to the roller coaster of drama.

<gets down off her soapbox>

Stormie