How does one become okay with being single?

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Dana & Limey can confirm my poor social skills

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Did she retreat within herself and not say a single word the entire night?

Actually I zoned out in quite a few conversations. NOT out of boredom, just in order to consult with myself a while.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Oh Sundae, honey. You have a few hangups and oddities (I have a collection of my own as you know) but 'poor social skills'? that's utter bollocks.

I don't know, maybe you were dying inside with every word you uttered to the Hotel owner, or every time you placed an order at the bar, but if you were then it was well-hidden.

I can always talk to people in a defined role. Because then I am playing a part myself. On the field with the children I am happy and patient. In the staffroom at break I usually just smile and nod and wonder how 15 minutes feels so long.

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I can verify that Sundae has excellent social skills when it comes to phone conversations. This is a thesis that has been peer-reviewed by a second member of this household, remember.

Again, short phone convos I can manage. When I say sometimes I feel like Tiger I am not suggesting for a moment I have real communication difficulties. Just that many times I think either conversations have been too short and I've been too abrupt. Or that they've gone on for far too long and I've run out of things to say. Or (frankly) I'm just tired of them and want to go.

This hasn't happened with a Cellar member. But yes, a little part of me fears meeting Dwellars in real life knowing I can't just log out. I felt I was really lucky with the two UK Dwellars I met in Jan. Hence our repeat meet up this December.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Sundae

... just in order to consult with myself a while.

Would have liked to had been a fly on the wall for that conversation...

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Actually I zoned out in quite a few conversations. NOT out of boredom, just in order to consult with myself a while.

I can always talk to people in a defined role. Because then I am playing a part myself. On the field with the children I am happy and patient. In the staffroom at break I usually just smile and nod and wonder how 15 minutes feels so long.

Again, short phone convos I can manage. When I say sometimes I feel like Tiger I am not suggesting for a moment I have real communication difficulties. Just that many times I think either conversations have been too short and I've been too abrupt. Or that they've gone on for far too long and I've run out of things to say. Or (frankly) I'm just tired of them and want to go.

This hasn't happened with a Cellar member. But yes, a little part of me fears meeting Dwellars in real life knowing I can't just log out. I felt I was really lucky with the two UK Dwellars I met in Jan. Hence our repeat meet up this December.

I'm exactly the same. Like Bri (was it Bri?) was saying, I find people exhausting. And like you, I can manage fine if I have a defined role. But to spend long stretches of time with? There's a very small number of people I can do that with comfortably.

I find people a little overwhelming face to face sometimes. In a group I will often find myself smiling along without actually knowing what's just been said. Or the things I do say feel/seem clumsy, or nerdy (:p), which is ok with my closests because they (incl. you) are on a similar wavelength. But with others I feel like an alien who's just arrived on someone else's planet.

On a bad day. On a good day I can command a room. On a bad day I'm likely to trip over a chair and slam my knee on the way into the room and attempts at off the cuff comments flounder as my voice comes out a croak, or I mangle a word. On a really bad day.

On a normal day, neither here nor there. I'll do absolutely fine at the time, but often by the timei'm halfway home from the meeting, or the class, or the party, I've managed to conduct a post mortem on my interaction that leaves me dying of embarrassment and I have to forcibly stop myself going back over it ad infinitum.

It's not because I live alone though. I don't think. I'm pretty sure I've always been this way. I've maybe got a little worse about it in some ways. But at the same time, it's since I've lived alone that I've chosen a life that puts me in regular contact with new people (through uni and council). So, I've got better at dealing with my own internal responses to socialising. I've got used to that sinking feeling that accompanies remembering. I'll come back from somewhere buzzed up, but it generally starts to twist as specific things come to mind. Stupid stuff. Was I laughing too raucously? Did I come across as humourless? Why did I say that? Why didn't I say that?

Blah, blah.