Serious Question......What do women really want in a serious relationship?

[Silly]

I am in the same boat as Silver. I've been searching for 'Mr. Right' for years. I'd like to hear what he has to say about men and what they really want! ;p

My question is, what if he knows what he wants in a relationship? What if he knows who he is or doesn't see the need for change? Does he still have a problem or hasn't he met his match?

Personally, I think he just hasn't found his match. Sure everyone has their problems, insecurities and/or oddities about themselves. There is someone out there that would like them or atleast most of those things in a person.

I know what I want in a relationship. It's just a matter of finding that one person who wants the samethings.

And as for OC's 'women want to be treated like crap between certain ages'. I don't think thats true either. Since I was in my early 20's I wanted the samethings I do now, and I am in my early 30s. Alot of other women I know feel the same way I do. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think the majority do not want to be treated badly, they just don't know what they want to begin with.

[smoothmoniker]

I'm happily married, so I sort of get to watch this conversation unfold with no skin in the game, but if I were a single guy looking, here's my $.02

Guys who are looking to find out "what a woman wants" are already missing the point. Same for women. The worst kind of relationships are those that are built on finding someone to fulfill your needs, or finding someone whose needs you can fulfill. That kind of codependant relationship can only end in disaster.

Start by knowing yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and the steps to get to them. Then let that knowledge undergird your confidence in yourself, and in life. Not arrogance, just confidence that you know and are comfortable with who you are. Let that confidence develop into joy and expectation for the life ahead. Let that sort of joy prompt you to invest selflessly in relationships with other people, and enrich their lives.

Confidence, self-knowledge, selflessness, and joyful expectation are contagious and attractive. The describe the sort of people we all like to be around, and that includes both friends and lovers.

Stop trying to find the right person, and start being the right kind of person, and the right partner will come when the time is right.

But if she comes and her name is Gretchen and she's damn hot and from Los Angeles, back off, chump! That one's mine ...

-ml

[Lady Sidhe]

Hm, just speaking from my own experience, the following are a good start:


1. Respect: don't treat her like she's inferior

2. If you make promises, keep them. If you don't plan on keeping them, don't make them. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Trite, I know, but it shows that you're trustworthy. In the end, your word is all you really have.

3. Don't cheat, physically or emotionally.

4. Be fair. Don't have one set of rules for her and one set of rules for yourself

5. Time: if your friends and acquaintances are more important than she is, or if you spend waay more time with them WITHOUT her than you do with her, it can cause hurt feelings. We want to be included, too. If we didn't want to spend time with you, we wouldn't be with you. If you want someone who'll give you affection, that you can leave at home, get a cat.

6. If there are problems, work them out. Talk about them before they become worse than they are. Running away or ignoring them just makes them worse.

7. A sense of humor. as long as you can joke and laugh, there's hope.

8. Treat her well. Appreciate the things she does for you, be considerate, and don't take her for granted. If she can't deal with that, and if she doesn't return the consideration, she doesn't deserve you in the first place.

9. Remember significant days: anniversaries, birthdays, mother's day if she's got kids. It shows that you care enough to remember. It always amazes me that men who can't remember those days can remember every stat from their favorite sports team for the last ten years...

10. Help Around The House: You don't know how many men I've known whose wives work too, and are then expected to keep house and kids without any help from the sperm donor.


Of course, I'm the bitter one, , so....


Sidhe

[perth]

I thought I knew what I wanted after the divorce, and I waited patiently for a long friggin' time to find it. Suddenly this girl comes along and she's almost the complete opposite. My brains and my guts turn to mush when I see her and all I think about when she's not around is when I'm going to see her next. All that proves is that I have no fucking clue what I want. But I'm having a great time finding out. I think this may be a better way of going about things; getting out of my comfort zone and experiencing something my puny little mind and limited life view would otherwise exclude.

I'm probably wrong, but what the hell.

[mrnoodle]

I think people get in trouble trying too hard to narrowly define what they want in a mate. perth's way of discovering what he's ready for is natural -- just get to know people and see what happens.

I know one big mistake people in my age group and younger (25-35) make is to plan out their lives down to every minute detail, and try to find a partner that fits their plan. I've seen two divorces because of it, and one broken engagement (mine). I've also seen a couple of good friends and a close relative get married because it was "time to be married" and they thought they would get old and lonely if they didn't hitch up. Well, they're still getting older, and they're still lonely, they just have a joint checking account.

So go with the flow, but keep an eye out for roadblocks, I guess. And don't be afraid to not find someone. The desperation rays that emanate from some older single people are spooky.

[Catwoman]

Hmm, this is all very well and good (sm's post, particularly) but what women really want - in no particular order - is the following:

1. Touch. We gotta want to touch you. Smooth skin, natural warmth and a teasing detachedness all help. Make us want you, but only if we want you already. We want to find a guy we really want, who wants us equally, and who keeps us on our toes. Don't treat em mean, but do keep em keen. (We won't go off you anyway - it's just a game, and it stops us looking wishfully at other less interested guys.)

2. Looks. You don't have to be superficially good looking, you might even be ugly. But a brightness in the eyes, a sexy grin and a gentle physical manner will do the trick. A gentle man with a cheeky glint drives us mad fantasising about the point he turns 'bad' and pins us forcefully to the floor with his shlong.

3. Smell/taste. Don't stink. Wash your willy. And let your natural smell come through by not wearing too much aftershave or spray (god I hate that stuff). This way, you'll attract (and keep) a woman who really wants you for you, not for your bottle of Davidoff.

4. Sound. Sorry but high pitched voices don't do it. Gentle, warm, deep - you'll have our knickers off in no time and we'll consider you safe and reassuring - perfect for a LTR.

5. Emotion/spiritual. Someone who understands us. Who wants to talk to us, not just grunt and watch the telly. We need to feel that connection, that rightness. To achieve this, don't talk shit, be who you are, and we'll decide if you're right for us or not.

To summarise, what we want is a fully sensually satisfying life-long experience, that reassures us in times of insecurity and maddens us with lust/desire/love for the rest of our life. It's an overall feeling we're seeking, and I'm afraid the only way this will happen is if two people are truly, honestly right for each other. This is something you'll never be able to fake.

[jaguar]

The age women work out the treated like crap/nice thing varies. A lot.
For someone who isn't sure of a lot of things you sure seem to have that down pat cat, nicely put.

[lookout123]

as near as i can tell, all women want jaguar. 'nuff said.

[OnyxCougar]

Wow. One of those rare occasions I agree with Catwoman.

Dear Diary....

[wolf]

Lusting after the young, rich, and cute is but a phase.

True love is lasting, has staying power. True love, thy name is xoxoxoBruce.

[melidasaur]

Originally Posted by wolf

Lusting after the young, rich, and cute is but a phase.

As is lusting after the guy 20 years older than you who is rich and cute.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by wolf

True love is lasting, has staying power. True love, thy name is xoxoxoBruce.

I am well and truly sick of you trying to lure bruce over there. Now, stop it.

[warch]

Then there's the ability to make you laugh consistently and deeply (involves being smart and spontaneous). That, and good kisses. Good traits, hard to pin down.

[wolf]

No, just rich. Old and rich beats cute and rich any day.

One foot in the grave, one on a banana peel, no prenup, solid will naming me as major beneficiary, with enough doled out to his kids to keep them off my ass and away from my money ... my perfect man.

Oh, and he should be kind and have a good sense of humor.

And like guns.

[jaguar]

as near as i can tell, all women want jaguar. 'nuff said.

I'd find that line more encouraging coming from a woman. How the hell'd you come to that conclusion anyway?