Humor...I Need Humor...

[skysidhe]

[jimhelm]

What did the Jewish Pedophile say?











Buy some candy, little girl?

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

What did the Jewish Pedophile say?

Buy some candy, little girl?

Two pedophiles are sitting on a park bench, when an eight year old girl walks by. The first pedophile says "God! Would you look at the body on her?" The other says "Yeah, she must've really been something in her day."

[TheMercenary]

Lol as Sky... that was good.

[TheMercenary]

Ladies/Gents,


Sex and Good English

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The

certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby

reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile

dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket
to
the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him,
and
with a grip on his shoulder, warned, 'This is a powerful medicine, and
it
must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'

When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in

your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How
do I
stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does,
the
medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered,
shaved,
took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him
in
the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said,
"1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she

asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"



And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with
a
preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

[TheMercenary]

FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE......
Out of all the blonde jokes, this has to be one of the best!

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand
why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....

Helloooooo?

It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!

[BigV]

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE......
Out of all the blonde jokes, this has to be one of the best!

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand
why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....

Helloooooo?

It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Andy Griffith (and your big orange draynk)

[skysidhe]

Funny one Merc ^

[GunMaster357]

Saying that Java is good because it works on all platforms is like saying anal sex is good because it works on all genders.

[BrianR]

and your point is...?

[GunMaster357]

As a programmer I found it funny. It made me laugh.

That's all.

[Gravdigr]

,

[toranokaze]

Originally Posted by GunMaster357

As a programmer I found it funny. It made me laugh.

That's all.

Ditto

[Shawnee123]

Making the rounds, team interchangeable. You can try to stop me if you've heard it but your best bet is to stop reading it:

The Afghan Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Cleveland Browns. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan .. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Browns go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Cleveland!!

[skysidhe]

About those pants.