Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 255

GunMaster357 · 03-09-2011, 04:35 AM

Thank you all

Sheldonrs · 03-11-2011, 09:39 AM

This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly atScrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!

monster · 03-11-2011, 10:50 AM

awesome

noviceathome · 03-11-2011, 11:12 AM

Puxatawney Phil. Jazz Flautist, pianist, poet laureate, etc at your disposal maam.

Tulip · 03-11-2011, 05:52 PM

Better than a messy divorce...

footfootfoot · 03-11-2011, 05:55 PM

that is funny, Tulip

Flint · 03-11-2011, 10:22 PM

But serisouly, who among us HASN'T put our wife on a terrorist watch list. Right? Am I right?

:::tap, tap, tap::: . . . Is this thing on?

footfootfoot · 03-12-2011, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

But serisouly, who among us HASN'T put our wife on a terrorist watch list. Right? Am I right?

:::tap, tap, tap::: . . . Is this thing on?

That's just ONE of the lists I've put her on.

monster · 03-12-2011, 09:49 AM

Great Find, Tulip

here's the online story: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-sto...5875-22884828/

ZenGum · 03-12-2011, 08:10 PM

How about the "things to do" list?

lookout123 · 04-17-2011, 03:25 PM

The Indian Chief was asked by a government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that!"

classicman · 03-14-2011, 01:42 PM

I was 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy.
In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item.

Delores was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see
that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb.
She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked around the store to see if it were empty.
'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it.
She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.

I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then
said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
'Come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful.
Unfortunately, I couldn't hold back and KAPOW, I was done within moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?'
I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She then beat the shit out of me....

jimhelm · 03-14-2011, 02:55 PM

ohdear.

true and embarrassing story from my 'first time'

I was 17 or 18.... went into Eagle Pharmacy and asked the cute young girl behind the counter for '2 condoms' ...figuring I would need to try a dry run before hand...

yeah. she pointed to the rack of boxes in the back of the store where they came in 3 packs. we both blushed. I hope i had the sense to buy 2 - 3 packs, but disremember and i doubt I did.

classicman · 03-14-2011, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimhelm

...figuring I would need to try a dry run before hand...

I woulda thought the hand was the "dry run"

TheMercenary · 03-15-2011, 08:44 AM

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of
Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, 'Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

03-09-2011, 04:35 AM	#1
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Thank you all __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

03-11-2011, 09:39 AM	#2
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly atScrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES:! When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-11-2011, 10:50 AM	#3
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	awesome __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-11-2011, 11:12 AM	#4
noviceathome Coronation Incarnate Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: perth, australia Posts: 87	Puxatawney Phil. Jazz Flautist, pianist, poet laureate, etc at your disposal maam. __________________ " I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods you will understand why I dismiss yours "

03-11-2011, 05:52 PM	#5
Tulip Professor Join Date: May 2008 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 1,293	Better than a messy divorce... Attached Images

03-11-2011, 05:55 PM	#6
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	that is funny, Tulip __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

03-11-2011, 10:22 PM	#7
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	But serisouly, who among us HASN'T put our wife on a terrorist watch list. Right? Am I right? :::tap, tap, tap::: . . . Is this thing on? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

03-12-2011, 09:49 AM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Great Find, Tulip here's the online story: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-sto...5875-22884828/ __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart Last edited by monster; 03-12-2011 at 09:58 AM.

03-12-2011, 08:10 PM	#10
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	How about the "things to do" list? __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

04-17-2011, 03:25 PM	#11
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	The Indian Chief was asked by a government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that!" __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

03-14-2011, 01:42 PM	#12
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	My first time with a condom. I was 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item. Delores was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked around the store to see if it were empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful. Unfortunately, I couldn't hold back and KAPOW, I was done within moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her. She then beat the shit out of me.... __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

03-14-2011, 02:55 PM	#13
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	ohdear. true and embarrassing story from my 'first time' I was 17 or 18.... went into Eagle Pharmacy and asked the cute young girl behind the counter for '2 condoms' ...figuring I would need to try a dry run before hand... yeah. she pointed to the rack of boxes in the back of the store where they came in 3 packs. we both blushed. I hope i had the sense to buy 2 - 3 packs, but disremember and i doubt I did. __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

03-15-2011, 08:44 AM	#15
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, 'Well, I can clearly see your nuts." __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

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