Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 264

classicman · 07-15-2011, 01:39 PM

l saw that on FB yesterday and lol'd

footfootfoot · 07-18-2011, 07:46 PM

It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon while Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf. On the first tee-box, Moses pulls out his driver and blisters a shot up the right side of the fairway, rolling fast towards a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, parting the water while his ball rolls through to the other side safely.

Golf Ball Hole In OneNext up on the tee, Jesus hits a really long drive right towards the very same water hazard. His ball came to rest dead center of the pond, hovering just over the surface of the water. Jesus casually walks out onto the pond, and chips it up onto the green within a couple feet of the flagstick.

Not impressed, the third guy steps up to the tee without taking any time and just randomly whacks at the ball. Rightfully so, the ball is hit with a nasty hook that clears the left OB markers and goes over a fence into oncoming traffic. It bounces off a truck’s windshield hitting a nearby tree, bounces onto the roof of the greenkeeper’s shed, back out onto the fairway and towards the same pond that Moses and Jesus hit. Before it gets wet, the ball ricochets off a small rock and bounces onto a lily pad on over the water when a bullfrog jumped up and ate the ball. Right at that moment, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the frog, flying away. As it flew over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball right next to the flagstick, taking one bounce and landing in the cup for an astounding hole in one.

In disgust, Moses then turns to Jesus and says, “I hate playing with your Dad.”

classicman · 07-18-2011, 10:44 PM

I lol'd.

ZenGum · 07-18-2011, 11:23 PM

I showed it to a Spanish friend and he laughed too.

I was a LOLin' Juan.

classicman · 07-19-2011, 10:47 PM

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?"

Then she went back to reading her book.

regular.joe · 07-23-2011, 01:44 PM

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey, and your donkey eats the feet off of my rooster what do you have?

Wait for it.....

Two feet of my cock in your ass.

Gravdigr · 07-24-2011, 04:07 AM

Hah!

skysidhe · 07-24-2011, 04:00 PM

classicman · 07-26-2011, 08:42 AM

~~~

GunMaster357 · 07-26-2011, 09:02 AM

What's the difference between a watchman and a police officer?

As a watchman, you may feel like a cop
but as a police officer, you can cop a feel

Spexxvet · 07-26-2011, 10:17 AM

What's the difference between a pigmy tribe and a girls hockey team?

A pigmy tribe is a bunch of cunning runts

A girls hockey team is a bunch of running c*nts

Spexxvet · 07-26-2011, 10:41 AM

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?

A pick pocket snatches watches

A peeping Tom watches snatches

infinite monkey · 07-26-2011, 11:02 AM

What's the difference between Spexxvett and (insert name of any asshat here)?

One's a smart feller and the nother is a fart smeller.

Spexxvet · 07-26-2011, 11:19 AM

BigV · 07-26-2011, 11:32 AM

What's the difference between a poor golfer and a poor skydiver?

One of them goes "Thwack!... shit."

07-15-2011, 01:39 PM	#1
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	l saw that on FB yesterday and lol'd __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

07-18-2011, 07:46 PM	#2
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon while Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf. On the first tee-box, Moses pulls out his driver and blisters a shot up the right side of the fairway, rolling fast towards a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, parting the water while his ball rolls through to the other side safely. Golf Ball Hole In OneNext up on the tee, Jesus hits a really long drive right towards the very same water hazard. His ball came to rest dead center of the pond, hovering just over the surface of the water. Jesus casually walks out onto the pond, and chips it up onto the green within a couple feet of the flagstick. Not impressed, the third guy steps up to the tee without taking any time and just randomly whacks at the ball. Rightfully so, the ball is hit with a nasty hook that clears the left OB markers and goes over a fence into oncoming traffic. It bounces off a truck’s windshield hitting a nearby tree, bounces onto the roof of the greenkeeper’s shed, back out onto the fairway and towards the same pond that Moses and Jesus hit. Before it gets wet, the ball ricochets off a small rock and bounces onto a lily pad on over the water when a bullfrog jumped up and ate the ball. Right at that moment, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the frog, flying away. As it flew over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball right next to the flagstick, taking one bounce and landing in the cup for an astounding hole in one. In disgust, Moses then turns to Jesus and says, “I hate playing with your Dad.” __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

07-18-2011, 10:44 PM	#3
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I lol'd. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

07-18-2011, 11:23 PM	#4
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	I showed it to a Spanish friend and he laughed too. I was a LOLin' Juan. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

07-19-2011, 10:47 PM	#5
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?" Then she went back to reading her book. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

07-23-2011, 01:44 PM	#6
regular.joe Старый сержант Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: NC, dreaming of large Russian women. Posts: 1,464	If I have a rooster and you have a donkey, and your donkey eats the feet off of my rooster what do you have? Wait for it..... Two feet of my cock in your ass. __________________ Birth, wealth, and position are valueless during wartime. Man is only judged by his character --Soldier's Testament. Death, like birth, is a secret of Nature. - Marcus Aurelius.

07-24-2011, 04:07 AM	#7
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Hah! __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

07-24-2011, 04:00 PM	#8
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828

07-26-2011, 08:42 AM	#9
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	~~~ Attached Images __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

07-26-2011, 09:02 AM	#10
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	What's the difference between a watchman and a police officer? As a watchman, you may feel like a cop but as a police officer, you can cop a feel __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

07-26-2011, 10:17 AM	#11
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	What's the difference between a pigmy tribe and a girls hockey team? A pigmy tribe is a bunch of cunning runts A girls hockey team is a bunch of running c*nts __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

07-26-2011, 10:41 AM	#12
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A pick pocket snatches watches A peeping Tom watches snatches __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

07-26-2011, 11:02 AM	#13
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	What's the difference between Spexxvett and (insert name of any asshat here)? One's a smart feller and the nother is a fart smeller.

07-26-2011, 11:19 AM	#14
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	__________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

07-26-2011, 11:32 AM	#15
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	What's the difference between a poor golfer and a poor skydiver? One of them goes "Thwack!... shit." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 10 (0 members and 10 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode