Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 29

BrianR · 03-01-2005, 04:23 PM

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding fine.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your
cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

and finally...

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-01-2005, 08:15 PM

Please don't tell me #6 isn't true.

wolf · 03-09-2005, 02:35 PM

I understand there were particular procedures and documentation necessary to change lightbulbs in The Third Reich. My grandfather still has his Glübirnenändernschein, and it's signed by Hitler.

404Error · 03-09-2005, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

I understand there were particular procedures and documentation necessary to change lightbulbs in The Third Reich. My grandfather still has his Glübirnenändernschein, and it's signed by Hitler.

Are you sure Glübirnenändernschein is spelled correctly? I can't seem to find that word in Dictionary.com.

The Google translation tool result is Gluebirnenaendernschein, which leads me to believe the word is spelled incorrectly.

cjjulie · 03-09-2005, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 404Error

Are you sure Glübirnenändernschein is spelled correctly? I can't seem to find that word in Dictionary.com.

The Google translation tool result is Gluebirnenaendernschein, which leads me to believe the word is spelled incorrectly.

Well, I bet his light bulb went out during the spelling.....

wolf · 03-09-2005, 04:06 PM

note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else)

404 has made an excellently funny joke.

In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five:

xoxoxoBruce · 03-09-2005, 04:11 PM

OK, but what the hell is it??

cjjulie · 03-09-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else)

404 has made an excellently funny joke.

In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five:

is excellently really a word?

xoxoxoBruce · 03-09-2005, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjjulie

is excellently really a word?

Excellency? Of course! People quite often refer to me as.....oh....excellently.........nevermind.

cjjulie · 03-17-2005, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Excellency? Of course! People quite often refer to me as.....oh....excellently.........nevermind.

EXCELLENT

Pi · 03-27-2005, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else)

404 has made an excellently funny joke.

In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five:

Yes, but... do be germanly correct : Glühbirnenändernschein should it be. But they wouldn't write it like that but certainly Glühbirnenänderungsschein (or, because it's very hip to use abreviations nowadays Glübiänds)

mrnoodle · 03-09-2005, 04:29 PM

an opportunity to make a joke about the German sense of humor?

xoxoxoBruce · 03-09-2005, 04:30 PM

That's an oxymoron. :p

Clodfobble · 03-09-2005, 05:52 PM

Yes.

BigV · 03-17-2005, 06:17 PM

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We do not have money for food," the poor man replied.

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house" the lawyer said.

"Sir, I have a wife and two children with me."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man then, in a pitiful voice said, "Sir, I also have a wife and we have six children with us!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one poor fellow turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You will love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

03-01-2005, 04:23 PM	#1
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	30 Things Porno Producers would have us Believe... 1. Women wear high heels to bed. 2. Men are never impotent. 3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory. 4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her. 5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm. 6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men. 7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob. 8. Women always orgasm when men do. 9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding fine. 10. All women are noisy fucks. 11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. 12. Those tits are real. 13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. 14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. 15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!) 16. Double penetration makes women smile. 17. Asian men don't exist. 18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. 19. There's a plot. 20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt. 21. Nurses suck patients cocks. 22. Men always pull out. 23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you. 24. Women never have headaches... or periods. 25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it". 26. Assholes are clean. 27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. 28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there. 29. Men don't have to beg. and finally... 30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip. __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

03-01-2005, 08:15 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Please don't tell me #6 isn't true. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-09-2005, 02:35 PM	#3
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I understand there were particular procedures and documentation necessary to change lightbulbs in The Third Reich. My grandfather still has his Glübirnenändernschein, and it's signed by Hitler. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-09-2005, 04:11 PM	#7
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	OK, but what the hell is it?? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-09-2005, 04:29 PM	#12
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	an opportunity to make a joke about the German sense of humor? __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

03-09-2005, 04:06 PM	#6
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else) 404 has made an excellently funny joke. In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five: __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-09-2005, 04:30 PM	#13
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	That's an oxymoron. :p __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-09-2005, 05:52 PM	#14
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Yes.

03-17-2005, 06:17 PM	#15
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Yes, he's a lawyer A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We do not have money for food," the poor man replied. "Well, then, you can come with me to my house" the lawyer said. "Sir, I have a wife and two children with me." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man then, in a pitiful voice said, "Sir, I also have a wife and we have six children with us!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one poor fellow turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You will love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

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