Can I be Nearly as Interesting as Slang?

[lumberjim]

how about buying a nice new 2005 pathfinder from....oh, someone in the northeast let's say....., that has the GPS system built right in? makes sense, right?

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

how about buying a nice new 2005 pathfinder from....oh, someone in the northeast let's say....., that has the GPS system built right in? makes sense, right?

Let's see...$30k at 2.6% APR paid off at at $60.00 per month (the amount of tips I can expect to make working a couple of days a week)...

Do you have any 40 year loans available, Jim?

[Happy Monkey]

Um, he has to justify the purchase of a $30 flashlight. I think you'd need to be offerin a pretty incredible deal...

[zippyt]

Splode , like wolf said BECARFUL !!!!!

Ok a few different storys about delevering pizzas in southern Cali in the early 80's, oh and i was in the USMC at the time .

The place i worked for backed up to a resedental neiborhood , all the houses had STEEP driveways , there was this kid that used to have the BEST time shooting down these drive ways on a skate board JUST missing oncomeing traffic , he FREAKED me out the first 3-4 times, then i got pissed off , on trip 15 or 16 I timed it JUST right and layed his stupid little ass accross the hood of my car , i then drug him home by the scruff of his neck , knocked on the door and explained to his dad what had happened , his dad appoligized , made his son appoligize , as i was walking away i heard a WHOP !! and a kid crying .
Said kid NEVER did that to me again !!!!

As close as i was to a Marine bace there were some different challanges as well , like getting a call to deliver the pizzas to a piticuler cross road , and haveing 2-3 camo faced armed marines come out of the brush with money , one dude tryed to sneak up on me once , he explained he was just messing with me as i sat on his chest ready to beat him , another time i delivered to a gym , these 2 Hanz and Franz type dudes asked " what would you do if we just TOOK the pizzas ???" His face went white when i whipped out my butterfly knife , he pulled out the cash for the pizza , put it on a desk and backed up , i put the pizza on the desk , grabbed the cash and backed up . Dude had the balls to ask " what about the change ??"
30 min delivery time ???? All you had to do was call the gate and ask the MP's to slow the deliver guy down a bit , this didn't work on me , i knew most of the MP's .

The civilian folks were weird as well , like the VERRRRRRY gay couple that wanted to have ME for desert , i verry politely thanked them , but declined .
I once delivered to a BIG house , i heard I think it was Roy orbinsen playing in the back ground , unless i am greatly mistakned it was live music .
Almost getting squashed by a Lamborgene at HIGH speed in the hills .



Splode , you were talking about trying to find the addresses of the houses , different neiborhood and all . Try that in a town and a state that you are NOT from !!! Be carefull with that spot light , make shure your windows are CLEAN or you will loose ALL night vision .

Luck to ya dude !!!

[Clodfobble]

MAPSCO is the one to have around here. It's a freaking book, and every neighborhood gets a full page. Very convenient.

[Elspode]

I hope to make a trip downtown to our local map emporium very soon. I know what I need, I just need to pony up the bucks and find the time to go get it.

[flippant]

Just do what I did recently....find an empty office somewhere and start working while the boss is out. Wow I manage four companies now. No maps, no driving, just go hire yourself. Hahaha! I'm pure evil but no one would suspect what happened anyway. Go pick another place to work, take a seat,find an available computer, and watch the paychecks roll in. (they are now trying to figure out how much to pay me) Ha Ha! (and it's a lot) It's crazy but it works. I CrACk myself up sometimes I sware. Yesterday I had pizza delivered on the company dime (with cheesy bread). I thought of you El.

[flippant]

May I add........HAHAHAHAHA SUCKERS!!!!

[flippant]

Ok one more time....HAHAHA! They even taught me how to Make checks yesterday! HAAAAAAA! And why is this tool-bar following me all over the cellar?

[flippant]

Elspode go hire yourself somewhere it's a blast!! I'm having a great time and the best thing is....They can't fire me because they never hired me!!!! HAAAA! Sorry guys I'm just completely and utterly amused with the complete incompetence of the masses especially at work! Everyone! Go hire yourself somewhere for about a week....Oh and, Don't get caught....well their collective dummy heads may explode. HaHA! I'll report back later on the lucky winner who finally 2 + 2's it and has a complete melt-down. Oh and I don't even think I broke a law. HAAAAA!

[OnyxCougar]

FLippant?? What are you smoking, dude?

[Elspode]

My fourth night as PizzaBoy was last night. I had anticipated it would be a busy one, and it was. Even with a woeful football team, Monday Night Football in KC is a big deal, and the pizza consuming public did not disappoint. I ran from the moment I walked in the door at 6:00 until the moment I left at 10:30. In my pockets I carried the highest total of tips earned so far, as well as the largest number of route fees.

Last night was the first time I had seen a bona-fide pizza frenzy. The Captain was slinging dough like a demon with its tail ablaze. Stacey seems unflappably cheerful, even when covered head to foot with flour, a phone on her shoulder and pizza toppings flying from her fingers. Everyone else was just a blur, ebbing and flowing with the tsunamis of phone orders.

There are so many nooks and crannies in the city of Lee's Summit. I have good, close friends who have lived there all their lives, and I have spent innumerable days and nights there, but I have driven to places I had no idea even existed. Entire shopping districts have sprung up, complete with theaters and giant box stores, and I was utterly clueless until now.

The absolute worst is delivering to apartment complexes. Most are posessed of a numbering scheme that has no discernable rhyme or reason. Even numbered apartments are sometimes on one side of the building and odd on the other; sometimes even is upstairs and odd down, and so forth. Nothing for it but to look for them, sometimes on foot.

The most interesting event last night was when a woman zoomed up the street and stopped right next to me.

"Are you looking for someone?", she asked.

"Just trying to find an address. I'm delivering a pizza."

"Oh...I see. We were all just wondering who was spotlighting our houses."

I had been told people would get miffed about it, but hey...I have to see the address to deliver the pie. Even with the megalight, there are some address plates/numbers that simply don't show up. Sometimes it is because they are embossed, and the shadowing renders it unviewable. Sometimes, the letters are so reflective, that I can't read them due to glare. Always, I am trying to pick an address from an apparently unoccupied house so as to not disturb people, but I suppose I can understand people's concern about the entire concept.

There is another Patrick working there. He goes by "Rufus", which is a nickname derived from his last name (which I will omit). Rufus is the most upbeat, totally consumed by the pizza biz guy I've ever seen...or can ever imagine. He zips back and forth, doing all jobs possible, even delivery, all the while spouting statements of support and encouragement, singing oddball tunes, patting people on the shoulder. It is inconceivable that anyone could dislike him. So truly does he seem to enjoy what he does, so completely in his element is he, that it is like watching a fish swim or a bird fly. Whether sweeping the floor, tossing dough or taking an order, he is a gem to work with. I hope they pay him better than they do me.

[flippant]

Originally Posted by OnyxCougar

FLippant?? What are you smoking, dude?

If you had just done what I did...and pulled it off........you'd laugh yourself to pieces. We'll call it a prank gone too good. Don't call me dude. And no I don't have any.

[Elspode]

Last week, I worked on Monday night, and made my best take so far. Last night, without a Monday Night Football home game for the Chiefs (Home of the Swiss Chiefs Defense!), it was utterly futile. I only worked for 3 hours, had only four deliveries, and made $8 in tips. I checked my mileage, and I calculate that the $1 per run they pay me covers my gas expense +25%, based on my MPG.

Mrs. Elspode commented that it was hardly worth the time spent to make so little money. I made just over $8.00/Hr. once expenses are removed, so I don't know...at least I was keeping a positive flow of money, little though it was. Even if this was all I made three days per week, I would still bring in close to $250.00 more per month than we have now. That's enough to pay a couple of bills, right?

I can't bring myself to consider what I'm doing to be in any way futile, no matter how little it earns. Working this part time job impacts my most treasured personal commodity (free time), and has caused my many projects to be put on hold indefinitely. Therfore, I really *need* to view it as a positive contribution, lest I go screaming into the night and developing untreatable depression.

It was drizzly again last night. It has been *very* grey and drizzly here for about the last six weeks. In fact, it has drizzled, rained, fogged or otherwise dampened me on every single delivery night I've worked. Even the comraderie of the storefront seemed pretty dampened and low-key last night. There was very little joking around, everyone being quite serious about what they were doing. The Captain was totally efficient, using a minimum of words and expression as he directed the crew. Merle was cheerful, but mostly gone on deliveries all night, so I didn't get much out of him either. I'm going to consider this a blessing, at least until such time as I begin to get comfortable enough to be bored. The younger guy (whose name is Robbie, BTW) was similarly on the run all night (full time guys get kept busier than part timers like myself), pausing only once to comment on his anticipated paid vacation in the coming year.

I put in quite a bit of time pulling pizzas from the oven ("Hot pie!"), cutting them and boxing them up last night. You wouldn't think that cutting pizzas would be real tough, and in fact, cutting an eight-slice isn't. But - there's something unnatural about doing a ten-slice cut. The 5x5 symmetry required just doesn't ring true in my mind; I can't visualize it before I cut it. The result was four rather creatively cut pies, with geometries and areas of individual slices varying radically. I could only hope that those pies found their way to individuals with good senses of humor.

My "Happy Chore" was stocking the pop cooler. I want this to be my Happy Chore forever, please. Nice and clean, and not much to do on a slow night. Most people don't get soda with their orders, and I didn't break a sweat.

On the positive side, all four of my deliveries were on time! This is a first. Each of my other nights, all but one pizza were late. I chalk my success up to many factors. First, I didn't have any multiple deliveries. Second, I actually have gotten much better at locating addresses. Third, when it is less busy, the turnaround time on the pies is much, much shorter, leaving me more time to effect delivery. The map book and mega-light have also been invaluable additions to my routing.

I'm going to work all weekend this week. I hate the thought of it, but I've got to bite the bullet. Yule is just around the corner.

Originally Posted by Elspode

Mrs. Elspode commented that it was hardly worth the time spent to make so little money. I made just over $8.00/Hr. once expenses are removed, so I don't know...at least I was keeping a positive flow of money, little though it was. Even if this was all I made three days per week, I would still bring in close to $250.00 more per month than we have now. That's enough to pay a couple of bills, right?

I can't bring myself to consider what I'm doing to be in any way futile, no matter how little it earns. Working this part time job impacts my most treasured personal commodity (free time), and has caused my many projects to be put on hold indefinitely. Therfore, I really *need* to view it as a positive contribution, lest I go screaming into the night and developing untreatable depression.

I'm going to work all weekend this week. I hate the thought of it, but I've got to bite the bullet. Yule is just around the corner.

Oh, Patrick, I am SO there! As usual you took the words right out of my mouth. I try not to think about how little money I'm really making. Instead, I think about the checks that should soon be coming in, netting me about $350.00 after gas, etc. It's not much, but I need it desperately, so I try to keep my spirits up by playing Loreena Mckennett on my boom box and singing along and telling myself that by this time next year I will be a paid writer and I'll never ever again have to deliver another phone book. Drive carefully out there. Colorado's last snow storm must be hitting you guys about now.