Why Can't Men Say the Things We Women Need to Hear?

[bluecuracao]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

They remember every slight, real and imagined, and don't always say something at the time, but quietly slide it into their quiver.

Very poetic...

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

And what if you haven't apologized because you didn't even know it happened?
They remember every slight, real and imagined, and don't always say something at the time, but quietly slide it into their quiver.

Then it's not my problem.

[bbro]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

They remember every slight, real and imagined, and don't always say something at the time, but quietly slide it into their quiver.

I know for me, the reason that this happens is that I HATE confrontations. I try to have everyone like me, so if I am upset, I might just let it slide. Lately, I have been trying to let people know when they upset me - especially my BF. I think that the reason that things are brought up out of the blue is because even if you don't say anything, you might still think about it - especially if it is done over and over until you just can't take it anymore.

(That is probably just me though)

[yesman065]

Just a quick question here - Why can't women hear what we actually say instead of what they think we said? I hate to be chauvinistic, and maybe its cause I've only had realationships with women since I'm straight, but it really bugs me when I say one thing and something completely different is heard.
Is it me, women, SO's in general or what?

Originally Posted by yesman065

Just a quick question here - Why can't women hear what we actually say instead of what they think we said? I hate to be chauvinistic, and maybe its cause I've only had realationships with women since I'm straight, but it really bugs me when I say one thing and something completely different is heard.
Is it me, women, SO's in general or what?

Man, I cannot tell you how many times I have said "... but what did I actually say? Because, what I actually said is what I mean, always. Putting words in my mouth pisses-me-OFF!" Does she hear it? What do you think?
I communicate and tell exactly how I feel... having it complicated and twisted is a game to me.
What I say is what I mean.
If I am going to lie, I would do it anyway... acting like everything I say is a lie is not going to trick it out of me. It is just going to make me not trust you & not want to say a damn thing to you, ever.
As for my wife, she has actually gotten a lot better recently... it has taken a long time. She still lapses though. If you don't trust him, why be with him? Don't get it.

Then it does not slide... it lies in wait.

[Ibby]

Man, I've just decided "If y'can't beat 'em join 'em". I'm just as bad (or just as good at, depending on how you look at it) as my girlfriend at that whole twisting words thing and stuff. Its kinda funny that I act more like a girl than a guy when it comes to relationships, sometimes. I'm still whipped like you would not believe, though...

[MsSparkie]

I always said this: put estrogen in the water supply along with the flouride; soften up the men, stop wars.....if they grow breasts so be it, they can play with them.

[DucksNuts]

lol

From both of you, just sounds like a lot of games.
Sorry.
But, it just seems like neither of you were there for each other, just there for what you could get out of it.

[MsSparkie]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

From both of you, just sounds like a lot of games.
Sorry.
But, it just seems like neither of you were there for each other, just there for what you could get out of it.

He admittedly is a 'passive aggressive personality'.

I must do it his way or he would not speak.

I did play the game of trying to knock that stubbornness out of him, but lost, but for the best.

But with Golden, she is being hurt by the male psyche too.

We don't understand how you guys can be so different and why we can't reach you with reason. And you don't relate to us. It's not rocket science is it? LOL

Mind boggling.....

Yeah, not all men, I know.

;-)

I also admit I'm hurt, disappointed and bitter now. But working on forgiving him. For my sake as well as his.

Forgive him, but stay away.

Don't you hate it when all you get is more of the same?

No progress. I hate no progress. I hate circles.

We have to break those circles.

Funny you say that, I feel the same way, I want logic in my relationship.
If you want something just say it. Or. I'm not a mind reader. Or. How did you get that out of what I said?
Goes both ways.
I say exactly what I mean and every woman I have ever been with has had trouble with that, they always want to read a bunch of crap into everything, and they never tell me exactly what they mean. I'm supposed to "just know shit". Games... I will not play them. I've told every one I've dated that and they always said the same thing "oh, me too, hate them" and commenced to play.
Confusing.

[MsSparkie]

Women not behaving perfectly??????? Pshawwwww..... LOL

Hey, what can I say?

OK, we both need to be true to our gender. Men need to be MEN and women need to be WOMEN. When we try to blend the waters we end up with muck.

So do we not co-habit? Just conjucal visits? Well, men need the maid service and women want their cars and lawns taken care of.

So maybe if we all had a way of doing that shit, the housekeeping and mowing, we wouldn't need each other????

LOL

PS...another big factor with my recent ex is that we lived 2,000 miles apart and he wan't happy that I didn't drop my life to run to his side as I had still some mothering left to do. We were going to get married in Sturgis, then I wanted him to wait a year, with visits in between. That made him mad. He wanted the maid, nurse, sex partner instantly. I was pressured.

Anyway, big fucking disaster. But I wish it had worked out. Maybe in a year or two we will talk again. Not likely. I'll talk and he won't. LOL

What games did your gals play? Were they divas? Did you feel manipulated?
Were they honest? Were they controlling? Did they cheat on you?

How did you find less than perfect females? Sounds more like a myth to me...

hehe....

[Sundae]

My life is better for finding the Cellar...!

After a rather messy night out with a male friend last night, he sent me a couple of texts with various comments about being a better friend and helping me get my life back on track.

My immediate reaction (because of certain things not worth explaining here) was to read far too much into it. I wanted to reply saying, "Right so what you're saying...." or "What you really mean is..." I also focussed totally on how the text made me feel and blamed him for this.

Luckily I decided to sleep on it before replying, and in the morning remembered this thread. I read the texts again exactly as they were written, taking them at face value. What he wrote wasn't offensive or insulting. He was advising me as a friend because he cares.

I avoided a completely pointless row and a couple of days wasted in sulking.

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

My life is better for finding the Cellar...!

After a rather messy night out with a male friend last night, he sent me a couple of texts with various comments about being a better friend and helping me get my life back on track.

My immediate reaction (because of certain things not worth explaining here) was to read far too much into it. I wanted to reply saying, "Right so what you're saying...." or "What you really mean is..." I also focussed totally on how the text made me feel and blamed him for this.

Luckily I decided to sleep on it before replying, and in the morning remembered this thread. I read the texts again exactly as they were written, taking them at face value. What he wrote wasn't offensive or insulting. He was advising me as a friend because he cares.

I avoided a completely pointless row and a couple of days wasted in sulking.

Warm fuzzy!