Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 40

BigV · 10-14-2005, 11:42 AM

Ed and his lady love decide to get married after all. In an effort to please her new husband, she decides to learn to play golf. After taking two or three golf lessons, the young woman decides to go out one day and play her first round. She tees off on the first hole, hitting the ball about forty feet. She walks up to it, chooses a club, and hits it again. This time it goes about 50 feet, but out of bounds. She walks up to the ball anyway, chooses a club, and as she addresses the ball, she gets stung by a bee. She walks back to the clubhouse and tells the pro, who knew her when she was single, "I was doing pretty good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole."

The pro considered this for awhile and then replied, "Well, your problem is, your stance is too wide."

capnhowdy · 10-14-2005, 02:02 PM

good one BigV.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-16-2005, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Battle hymn of the Republicans

Mine Eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush;
He has blathered all the drivel that the neo-cons can push;
He has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush;
The Doofus marches on.

I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool;
There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school;
Should we fault him for the policies -- or is he just their tool?
The lies keep piling on.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
His wreckage will live on.

I have seen him cut the taxes of the billionaires' lone heir;
As he spends another zillion on an aircraft carrier;
Let the smokestacks keep polluting -- do we really need clean air?
The surplus is now gone.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Your safety net is gone!

Now he's got a mighty hankerin' to bomb a prostrate state;
Though the whole world knows its crazy -- and the U.N. says to wait;
When he doesn't have the evidence, "We must prevaricate."
Diplomacy is done!

Oh, a trumped-up war is excellent; we have no moral bounds;
Should the reasons be disputed, we'll just make up other grounds;
Enraging several billions -- to his brainlessness redounds;
The Doofus marches on!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
THIS...DOO...FUS...MAR...CHES...ON

dar512 · 10-17-2005, 10:41 AM

Just checking.

plthijinx · 10-19-2005, 04:21 PM

[edit] SCF!

wolf · 10-20-2005, 01:50 AM

It saddens me that there are dumbasses that would buy such a thing for their child.

It horrifies me that they would then take pictures and put them in the baby book.

Why am I munching on bread while watching this circus again? Did you hear something falling?

Iggy · 10-20-2005, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Why am I munching on bread while watching this circus again? Did you hear something falling?

I don't get it...

wolf · 10-20-2005, 02:16 AM

Bread and Circuses? Placation of the Masses? Fall of Rome? End of Civilization as We Know It?

Elspode · 10-20-2005, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Bread and Circuses? Placation of the Masses? Fall of Rome? End of Civilization as We Know It?

I swear I heard a sonic boom as that one went whizzing by overhead...

Iggy · 10-20-2005, 02:25 AM

Hmm... never heard the bread and circuses line.... but I think I get the gist.

Thanks.

dar512 · 10-20-2005, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

Hmm... never heard the bread and circuses line.... but I think I get the gist.

Thanks.

Ahhhhh!

What's happening to American education?

OK overreacting slightly. But still.

footfootfoot · 10-20-2005, 08:01 AM

I'm pretty sure that photo is p'shopped.
I hope.

Is there any more butter for the bread?

Clodfobble · 10-20-2005, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I'm pretty sure that photo is p'shopped.

No way. I've seen that one and many others (worse, if you can believe it) in my casual searches for slightly-less-retchingly-cute baby stuff.

Silent · 10-20-2005, 09:40 AM

T-Shirt Hell sells it.
Babyhell

Clodfobble · 10-20-2005, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silent

T-Shirt Hell sells it.

Thanks, Silent! I knew I'd seen it. To be fair, they're equal opportunity offenders.

10-14-2005, 11:42 AM	#1
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Ed and his lady love decide to get married after all. In an effort to please her new husband, she decides to learn to play golf. After taking two or three golf lessons, the young woman decides to go out one day and play her first round. She tees off on the first hole, hitting the ball about forty feet. She walks up to it, chooses a club, and hits it again. This time it goes about 50 feet, but out of bounds. She walks up to the ball anyway, chooses a club, and as she addresses the ball, she gets stung by a bee. She walks back to the clubhouse and tells the pro, who knew her when she was single, "I was doing pretty good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole." The pro considered this for awhile and then replied, "Well, your problem is, your stance is too wide." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-14-2005, 02:02 PM	#2
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	good one BigV. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

10-17-2005, 10:41 AM	#4
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	Just checking. Attached Images __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

10-19-2005, 04:21 PM	#5
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	[edit] SCF! Attached Images __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream. Last edited by plthijinx; 10-19-2005 at 04:23 PM.

10-20-2005, 01:50 AM	#6
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	It saddens me that there are dumbasses that would buy such a thing for their child. It horrifies me that they would then take pictures and put them in the baby book. Why am I munching on bread while watching this circus again? Did you hear something falling? __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-20-2005, 02:16 AM	#8
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Bread and Circuses? Placation of the Masses? Fall of Rome? End of Civilization as We Know It? __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-20-2005, 02:25 AM	#10
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	Hmm... never heard the bread and circuses line.... but I think I get the gist. Thanks. __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

10-20-2005, 08:01 AM	#12
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I'm pretty sure that photo is p'shopped. I hope. Is there any more butter for the bread? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

10-20-2005, 09:40 AM	#14
Silent Romanes Eunt Domus Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Nova Scotia Posts: 702	T-Shirt Hell sells it. Babyhell

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