I hope you step on a Lego

[Gravdigr]

I hope you have an infected nosehair.

I hope you get a chapped cooch.

[Aliantha]

I hope I don't run out of Gin.

Oh, wrong thread. But I really hope I don't.

[Aliantha]

I hope you do one of those slimy shits that no amount of toilet paper is able to clean the skids from you bum, then you get in a minor crash, but they have to cut your clothes off and they find the skid marks, and it's the really hot nurse and doctor that have to do it.

[glatt]

I hope you forget that that pair of pants had a hole in the pocket, and you lose some of the change you put in there.

[Spexxvet]

I hope you get a pimple in your ear

[Gravdigr]

I hope the cherry on the end of that roach gives you a lip blister.

Also, that you suck a little piece of weed out of the joint, and it gets stuck on that little hangy-down, punching bag-looking thing in the back of your mouth.

[Undertoad]

too harsh!

[Gravdigr]

I hope you develop a freckle on yer schmekel.

[Undertoad]

I hope the glass part on your big outdoor thermometer slips a little bit, so you always think it's 5 degrees colder outside than it actually is.

[lumberjim]

I hope you get a speeding ticket

[lumberjim]

I hope you have an asthma attack

[monster]

woah! Is this like Millionaire -now we've progressed there's no going back to the lego without risk of losing it all?

I hope a bird shits on your windshield and your washer water is frozen

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by monster

I hope a bird shits on your windshield and your washer water is frozen

CLOSE!


Nov. 10, 2014

So there I was, scootering down the road, minding my own business, when all of a sudden SPLAT!

I first saw it when it was about 3 feet out in front of me, and about 1 foot above my line of sight. I saw it. There was no time to react, as I was scootering along at pretty good clip, about 40 mph. I remember closing my eyes. I didn't even have time to cuss. I knew what it was before it hit me (no pun intended).

So, now, here I am, running down the road after some avian asshole has loosened it's load, on my eye, watching, with macro vision, as this chalky, white lump of birdturd slowly gets pushed around my glasses' lens by the wind. The most of it was fairly liquid. But, this turd keeps moving around, the wind is pushing it toward the outside edge of the lens. I realize that if this turd of bird runs out of lens, it's gonna continue to be pushed by the wind. Onto, and then, I assume, across my face. Into my hair.

By the way, I'm in traffic, there ain't gonna be no "GAHBIRDSHITONMAHGLASSES!!!"-panic stops.

So, now, I'm scootering down the road with a loosened bird load sliding around my glasses, holding my head like I'm staring at something off to the right of the road, hoping beyond hope that if this milky thing decides to leave my glasses, it will fly off into the ether, instead of sliding/flying/smearing itself into my face and hair.

It did neither. It solidified in about thirty seconds into a solid lump of white chalk.

I ran the hottest water I felt safe about soaking the glasses in (I worried that boiling water may cause the lenses to loosen and come out, and I like these glasses, good wind protection), and covered them, literally, in Dawn dish washing detergent, and let them soak overnight.

Thank God I was wearing those glasses, or, I might have shitty outlook on things.

Totally unlike the outlook I have now.

[monster]

I hope your haiku
Has an extra syllable
Or one too few

[lumberjim]

It's not serious.

Just kidding