Divorce

[Deuce]

It's happening. Time is slowing down, I can see where we're headed and I feel powerless to change the inevitable result: a terrible crash, horrible carnage. Years in the making, my self delusion finally all ground away. The pain of being unloved now exceeds the numbing and dumbing power of denial. I cannot decide which I miss more, being loved by others or being deluded by myself. Probably delusion, since that pain is fresher by far; I can't remember the feeling of being loved.

Originally Posted by Bonnie Raitt

I can't make you love me
(M. Reid/A. Shamblin)

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I wish I had taken better note of that night, I can't remember it either. When was the last time? I should have savored it. I can still hear the siren call of ... of ... of whatever it is in me that kept on trying. Liar.