Planning vacations around sodomy

[vsp]

The Supreme Court is currently hearing <a href="http://slate.msn.com/id/2080746/">Lawrence vs. Texas</a>, an entertaining case concerning everyone's favorite crime against nature.

Two gay men are in a private apartment in Texas, minding their own business. An angry neighbor calls in a fake police report, claiming that there's a man with a gun "going crazy" in the apartment in question (a report he was later convicted over). The cops enter the apartment, discover the pair weaponless but locked & loaded in another manner entirely... _and arrest the men_ for deviant sexual behavior.

Since the law was specifically written in Texas to clamp down on homosexual sodomy, giving heteros a free pass, the pair challenged the law on discrimination grounds. The story linked above has all sorts of entertaining quotes from the situation and testimony, and you can just FEEL Judge Scalia squirming in his chair at the very thought of such illicit behavior.

Now, I'm a happily married man, so the local altar boys and sheep have nothing to worry about from me. Still, I thought it might be prudent to check out the laws around the country, so that I can avoid the wrath of the local constabulatories. Thirteen states still have <a href="http://www.sodomy.org/laws/">sodomy laws</a> on the books -- at least NINE of them applying to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples, often to MARRIED couples. Some highlights:

* If my wife and I decide to drive down I-95 this summer and make some stops along the way, we're in trouble. Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina all consider many consensual acts (same- OR opposite-sex) felonies, while Florida considers them misdemeanors. Note to self: no going south-of-the-border while visiting "South Of The Border."

* Louisiana is right out; five years, with OR without hard labor. So much for Mardi Gras. But hey -- according to a 1927 case, sex with a dead body IS legal in Louisiana, so if my wife or myself gets hit by lightning or a bus, the survivor's even LUCKIER! Er... um... I'll move on.

* Mississippi frowns upon hummers (up to ten years), but returning the favor is apparently legal. Sex toys can get us up to a $5000 fine and six months in jail, however. It's a muscle relaxer, judge... really!

How ironic is it that if you commit sodomy, some states are liable to throw you in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison?