Another Fight

[Elspode]

In my case, it is a matter of being so full of shit that some leaks out uncontrollably, and some small bits of that leakage make some sense. On the whole, though, it is just shit.

[vrai_rennx]

morethanpretty: I almost checked that book out from the library the other day, but then I didn't. Is it that good?

bruce: She's been out to her friends/family for a while. I think maybe one or two of her former friends reacted badly, but for the most part they backed her. It helped that she's also very much with the drama crowd, and 2 of the guys we hang out with at her school are gay, and one other girl's bi.

Ibram: October 16 will be our one-year as a couple, but we've been friends for longer than that. And yeah, my mom definitely did not take it well when she found out she was right about me being bi.

yesman: I'm 16, and I know I'm bi because I'm attracted to girls? And it's definitely not a safety in numbers issue... Like I said above, she has other gay friends. Which is why I don't mind being out around them. But my school is a different story.

Yeah, I don't think much of anything is going to change. Stuff's probably just gonna keep playing out as it has been. It sucks, though.

[vrai_rennx]

Just to clarify something real quick:

When I mean we haven't done anything sexual besides a little heavy kissing, I mean -heavy- kissing. Making out. The only reason it's only a little is because the opportunity doesn't often present itself for us to be alone. Enough that we sometimes get close to going farther. But we've discussed this together and decided, for the same reasons I wouldn't have sex with a guy before college, we want to wait.

So that's not an issue.

And you're probably right about the 17-year-old male thing. x.x

[Elspode]

I'm so damn old-fashioned. I thought the only legitimate reason not to have sex before college was because no would *let*me. Then, I had sex, and decided I liked it so much, I'd just skip college.

No one told me that college was where you wanted to be if sex was your favorite pastime. Obviously, I wasn't smart enough to get into college, anyway.

Your last statement does beg a question, though. Where are you that you can do *heavy* kissing, but you are afraid to be caught doing anything more? I mean, wouldn't someone who stumbled across you making out be approximately as freaked out as someone who discovered you having your ears warmed?

[wolf]

At 16, you think you know a lot of things.

The truth, although you won't believe me, because that's another one of the things that you know, is that you don't.

[vrai_rennx]

We want to wait for at least college because we'll be older, and (hopefully) more mature and stuff.

And when we make out, it's usually at her or occasionally my house, where we don't want parents/siblings catching us.

[BigV]

False modesty does not become you.

[yesman065]

Big V & Wolf, truer words were never spoken.

[Aliantha]

yesman...when you were 16 do you think you were perhaps confused about your sexuality? eg. Did you sometimes wonder if you might be gay or straight?

My point is that in matters of sexuality I don't think anyone else has a right to tell you that you don't know what you're talking about, regardless of your age.

[yesman065]

Aliantha - When I was 16, I was more interested in having a good time rather than what sex I was interested in. I was partying, playing sports and just learning to drive. Sex was nowhere near the top of my list of important things to think about. Maybe thats the problem - kids today are in such a rush to "grow up" that they miss one of the most important parts of life - just being a kid.

[Ibby]

I think Aliantha sums up how I feel rather well...

Coming from a bi 15-year-old, I say that nobody can tell me or anyone else what my or their sexuality is or isn't. You can think what you want, but I know I like the boy-folk and the girl-folk.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Ibram

Coming from a bi 15-year-old, I say that nobody can tell me or anyone else what my or their sexuality is or isn't. You can think what you want, but I know I like the boy-folk and the girl-folk.

It is honestly the voice of experience (i.e. age) talking. There is a big difference between being interested in people of the same sex and having a satisfying long term relationship with them.

I thought I was bisexual when I was at school because I was turned on by women as well as men. I went to a gay club in my late teens and had to walk out - not because it was too full-on for me, but because I was so turned on by seeing women kiss eachother I didn't know where to look.

But I realised over the years that I would never go beyond isolated physical experience with a woman - I still find some women a turn-on, but I don't want a girlfriend.

I don't think anyone here is trying to tell anyone else that they don't know how they feel. It's just that openly labelling yourself is rarely necessary - it comes up in conversation when it's relevant.

So my answer to Renn is don't let anyone pressure you into something you're not ready for. If you're not comfortable wearing your personal feelings like a badge then that's your choice. Just try & keep the lies to a minimum. If you two do end up making a life together your friends and family won't appreciate the previous deceit.

[vrai_rennx]

Exactly. I've liked both girls and guys, for either their personality, looks, or both. I've dated both guys and girls. I'm bi.

[Elspode]

And there's nothing wrong with that, but isn't the question *still* whether or not you should come out as gay to make your girlfriend happy? I mean, wouldn't that be incorrect if you are bi?

In the end, you are just who you are, so why "come out" at all? Or, if you must, come out as You and leave it at that. How could she be upset with that?

[Aliantha]

I think it takes almost more courage for someone to be bi-sexual than it does for someone to be gay. For starters, if you're bi, people always say, well why can't you just choose one sex and be done with it - or something very close to, which leads then to the, 'oh he/she's just confused' argument.

As to 'comming out', I'd lay money on the odds of the g/f just wanting to not have to sneak around anymore and to be honest with people about the relationship. In my books, there's nothing wrong with that, although I can see how telling your family your sexual preferences lay somewhere outside the norm is intimidating and frightening, especially considering that chances are, this relationship is not going to last forever - if teenage romances of the past are anything to go by - and if the family goes apeshit, then where will our young lover be?