Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 152

Pie · 12-01-2008, 05:12 PM

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

Radar · 12-01-2008, 07:24 PM

Which reminds me....

Q: What's the difference between a Tea Cup and a Pee Cup?

A: A Tea Cup is something you drink out of. A Pee Cup is what the gardener drives.

Aliantha · 12-01-2008, 07:42 PM

Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?

It's always erect,
Stays up for 12 days and nights,
Has cute balls,
And even looks good with the lights on!

footfootfoot · 12-03-2008, 11:21 AM

My Urologist

My internist referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous. She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy. She told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked her why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."

Pie · 12-03-2008, 12:29 PM

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bartender here?"

Shawnee123 · 12-04-2008, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bartender here?"

I still don't get this one.

dar512 · 12-04-2008, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I still don't get this one.

A bar is also a wooden counter for serving drinks and termites eat wood.

footfootfoot · 12-04-2008, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I still don't get this one.

It's about putting the correct em PHAY sis on the proper sill obble.

Shawnee123 · 12-04-2008, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

It's about putting the correct em PHAY sis on the proper sill obble.

And still it took me a minute!

I'm sitting here all quizzical faced. I'm mouthing "bart-ender? barten-DER?"
Thanks for the help!

footfootfoot · 12-03-2008, 02:44 PM

Pie walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

dar512 · 12-03-2008, 04:39 PM

A blonde walks into a bar. She's kind of clumsy.

Treasenuak · 12-03-2008, 06:19 PM

A man walks into a bar. His wife sighs and says, "I've been telling him to move that thing for years."

sweetwater · 12-03-2008, 06:34 PM

Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender knows that Descartes caused a lot of trouble last time, so he decided to get rid of him. The bartender asked, "Descartes, do you want a beer?" Descartes replied, "I think not!" - and then he disappeared.

dar512 · 12-03-2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetwater

Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender knows that Descartes caused a lot of trouble last time, so he decided to get rid of him. The bartender asked, "Descartes, do you want a beer?" Descartes replied, "I think not!" - and then he disappeared.

Why does Descartes follow his horse? It would be illogical to put Descartes before de horse.

Aliantha · 12-03-2008, 06:37 PM

lol...I think I like that one. I must be!

12-01-2008, 05:12 PM	#1
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!" __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

12-01-2008, 07:24 PM	#2
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	Which reminds me.... Q: What's the difference between a Tea Cup and a Pee Cup? A: A Tea Cup is something you drink out of. A Pee Cup is what the gardener drives. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

12-01-2008, 07:42 PM	#3
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Why is a Christmas tree better than a man? It's always erect, Stays up for 12 days and nights, Has cute balls, And even looks good with the lights on! __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

12-03-2008, 11:21 AM	#4
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	My Urologist My internist referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous. She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy. She told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked her why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..." __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

12-03-2008, 12:29 PM	#5
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bartender here?" __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

12-03-2008, 02:44 PM	#10
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Pie walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here." __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

12-03-2008, 04:39 PM	#11
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	A blonde walks into a bar. She's kind of clumsy. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

12-03-2008, 06:19 PM	#12
Treasenuak Multiorgasmic and wrapped in plastic Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Central Tennessee Posts: 483	A man walks into a bar. His wife sighs and says, "I've been telling him to move that thing for years."

12-03-2008, 06:34 PM	#13
sweetwater lives inside a Mobius strip Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,120	Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender knows that Descartes caused a lot of trouble last time, so he decided to get rid of him. The bartender asked, "Descartes, do you want a beer?" Descartes replied, "I think not!" - and then he disappeared. __________________ I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque! - Bugs Bunny

12-03-2008, 06:37 PM	#15
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	lol...I think I like that one. I must be! __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

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