The State of Stuff

[Lola Bunny]

I'm glad to hear that things are better for you. It's good that your business is progressing nicely. Your skills just get better and better everyday. I really enjoy seeing all your baked goods. I would so order from you if you live closer by.

[Aliantha]

It's been a month since I posted here, so I thought I'd better give you lot an update.

I have had several sessions with a psychologist who I think is about to give me the brush off. Our last session ended with him suggesting that I just come back in a month and then we'll reassess.

Cakes have been going well. I have quite a few cool ones to share with you soon, but I'll post them in the cupcake thread for those who are interested.

In other news, Aden has moved out. A few days after my last post there was a bit of a blow up here between the big boys and Aden thinking I favour Mav (of course Mav thinks I favour Aden, so I'm pretty sure I'm not favouring anyone) and he got the shits and said he might as well move out, so I called his bluff and suggested he might like to give it a go then. So he left. He hasn't gone far. He's living at his girlfriends house with her family. Things have been pretty frosty with him, but I sent him a message earlier this week which has helped. I'll show you what I said.

Trish
Dear Aden,
I just want to say a couple of things, and then I will no longer bother you. First of all, that I love you today as much as ever. No matter what happens, that will never change, and I doubt you will ever find anyone who will love you more than I do. A mothers love is something only a mother can understand, but it's also something only a mother can give, and mine for you is unending and unbreakable.
I want you to know that I am proud of you. I like that you care so deeply for those you love, and I admire your loyalty, even in the face of adversity. It is one of the traits that will take you far in life.
Your strength of character and your moral compass are also things about you that I admire. You have done well to have them developed so well at such a young age. I'm not sure I could have said the same about myself at your age. Maybe I could, but it's all about perspective I guess.
Through everything that has happened over the last month, I have given a lot of thought to your needs and what you are so angry about, and in the end I have had to let go of my reactions to your anger. I have asked myself many times how I am to blame for how you're feeling, and as I said earlier, I have made mistakes as a parent. Many of them. One thing I am completely at peace with is the fact that I have always done my best with the knowledge and strength I have had at all times. I have never once made a decision or a choice out of spite or with an intent to harm any of you. I have always tried to ensure you have everything you need, and some extras so that you don't feel left out by your peers. I have tried in all cases to be respectful and supportive of your relationships. In short, I think I have always done my best to be the best mother I can, and I am very regretful that you feel otherwise. My only hope is that in time you will come to understand these words for what they mean from me, not as you might perceive them with the current burdens you bear. My last advice to you is to try and let go of all the anger you are harbouring. It is only making it harder for you to achieve all that you deserve. You need to let it go.
In closing, I think that although it saddens me to say it, you not living here is probably for the best. I do hope that things will improve between us soon and you will at least try and spend some time with us. We all miss you. Particularly Maverick. He is heartbroken that you've left, whether he will admit it or not. I am not trying to guilt you by saying that. I just know that he will never tell you himself, and I never would have realised the depth of his sadness until a discussion we had last week about where things stand here. Anyway, that's just food for thought. Maybe if you want to still be angry, be so at me. I can cope. I don't think your brother can. Cut him some slack. He loves you and misses the bond you two shared. Don't let it break completely.
I wish you well son. I hope that you continue to strive to reach your goals and achieve every one of them.
Love,
Mum xx
Aden
20/04/2015 17:25
Aden
I don't know what to say.
x
Trish
20/04/2015 17:42
Trish
Thats ok.

Anyway, I'm hoping he might come for a visit on the weekend and we can have a proper chat. I'm not really overly concerned about him. He is almost 19 after all. I'd be living out of home for almost 2 years by the time I was his age and the world didn't end then, so it probably wont now. I think he's just going through a bit of a big man stage. Wants to assert his authority on the world, and that's ok. It's just not going to wash with me.

Things with Daryl are about the same. We're not reconciling any time soon, but I am finding it easier to talk to him now. Most of my anger has fizzled out as I've become happier with myself. I'm not affected by his decisions as much as I was and have been able to separate my emotions.

Gotta go. My friend is here. Be back later.

[sexobon]

Can I have Aden's room?

[xoxoxoBruce]

I'd edit out the names before they because they're Google searchable. Otherwise, you go, girl.

[Aliantha]

Too late to edit. If a mod feels like doing so they can, and I'd appreciate it. I didn't think of it when I copied and pasted.

No sexo, you can't have his room. haha

[Undertoad]

Last names removed.

[Undertoad]

And, very well stated, thank you for sharing it. A lot of this sort of stuff you don't realize until you see your friends start to become parents. That's the first time I thought, oh shit, that's a lot of work... followed by, oh shit, mom had to do all that work. For me!

[Aliantha]

Kids are a lot of work. Anyone who thinks otherwise isn't doing it right. I think my boys are pretty level headed and generally good people, but They still require a lot of guidance and help. I have saved a lot on the food bill lately though. Haha

[Clodfobble]

Ali, I think you handled the letter as a whole beautifully, and believe me when I say that I completely 100% understand what a fucking rage-inducer teenage behavior can be. But as your friend, I feel compelled to say, as kindly as possible, that this:

I doubt you will ever find anyone who will love you more than I do.

is a... well, it's unhelpful to your cause.

Your love is your love, and cannot and should not be compared to the "quantity" of love that someone else may or may not feel for him. Beyond the fact that it is objectively impossible for anyone to really know what another person feels (is the red I see the same as your red?,) the implication is that he owes you something--maybe just acknowledgement or respect, if not a reciprocation of those same feelings--for being the "best" at loving him. I know that's not what you meant, but that is how it comes across.

"You will never find someone who loves you as much as I do" says as much about how he is borderline unlovable as it does about how good you are at loving him. It's the kind of phrase that is never intended to hurt, but pretty much always does.

[fargon]

As it was explained to me, by my Mother. "A Mothers Love cannot be described in words".

[Undertoad]

What did she use to tell you that

[xoxoxoBruce]

And when was the last time youze guys thanked Mom for wiping your shitty ass and snotty nose?

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

What did she use to tell you that

Interpretive dance and Mongolian throat singing?

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

What did she use to tell you that

Originally Posted by glatt

Interpretive dance and Mongolian throat singing?

funny fuckers, you two.


Ali,
I just saw this thread, I'm not here as much as I used to be, either. For example I had no idea that infi was a cannibal. Go figure.

I recognize a lot of what you are going through, though I don't really know the specifics. I will try to write more when I have some time, for now I'll just say shrinks aren't one size fits all. Look around for someone who deals with your specific situation. I finally found someone who has experience dealing with depression and PTSD who has really helped me. It took a while to find someone whose therapeutic technique and personality fit with me.

Not sure what the whole Aussie take on psychology is in general.

Glad to read you are making strides.

[Aliantha]

Clod, I just meant that no one can ever love another as unconditionally as a mother loves her child. I think he probably got the point.