Tiki Bitches About...

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Tiki

And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.

Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post.

Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post.

Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written.

If he'd apologized and clarified when I interpreted it that way, I would know what he was actually trying to say, and I would have taken his word for it that I had misinterpreted. However, he has not, and it really doesn't matter how many third parties re-interpret it differently if he himself does not deny the interpretation I objected to.

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by Tiki

My housemate has a lot of habits that are annoying, but most of them don't interfere with my ability to be productive, so I let them slide.

For instance:
Her dog sheds everywhere and she rarely vaccuums. Maybe every couple of months.
Spoiled leftovers - I won't go into detail
Her dog eats more than twice as much as mine, but I buy dog food twice as often.
Her cat shits and pisses EVERYWHERE in the basement and she doesn't clean it up.
She tends to leave dirty pots in corners and never clean them out.
She is a junk-hoarder, and one end of the basement is completely packed with garbage that smells like cat pee.

So, you know, I go to vent about the one thing - being yammered at when I'm trying to get set up for work in the morning - that I just can't let slide, and a bunch of people treat me like I'm being unreasonable.

And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.

Seems like if I was willing to move THAT boundary, I might not still be successfully self-employed, you know? Some boundaries help us accomplish our goals, and continuing to pay my bills is one of mine.

I could not put up with some of those things you listed. It seems like you just need to have to have a heart to heart with her, and tell her what is bothering you.

Originally Posted by sugarpop

I could not put up with some of those things you listed. It seems like you just need to have to have a heart to heart with her, and tell her what is bothering you.

The rest of it I can live with because it doesn't directly impact my livelihood and productivity, and I know it's temporary. Eventually she'll move out.

I have been gently reminding her that I need to work uninterrupted in the mornings. She's gradually doing better about not pestering me when I'm in my office.

I just wanted to vent, which I've since learned not to do here.

[Urbane Guerrilla]

If you post schist about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their onions.

If you don't like those onions, don't cook with them. After all, they're just onions.

[classicman]

very small yappy dogs

[dollface]

I hate ankle biters too

Originally Posted by classicman

very small yappy dogs

[wolf]

All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by wolf

All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.

I don't know about that. When I first got sober, saying the Serenity Prayer helped me calm down and put things in perspective. The truth is, you cannot change people. You can only accept them for what they are. If you are in a situation where boundaries can be applied, then make agreements, and hold people responsible for their end of the agreement. If it is a situation where something that bothers you is something you really cannot change or an agreement cannot be reached, you can either: a) accept whatever it is and not be so annoyed, b) get out of the situation, or c) allow things to remain the same and be annoyed. If you really don't want to get out of the situation because it is a minor annoyance and it is something that cannot be changed by making an agreement, acceptance will make you happier in the long run.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by wolf

All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.

"Serenity now! SERENITY NOW!"
"What is that?"
"The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'serenity now!'"
"Are you supposed to yell it?"
"The man on the tape wasn't specific."
- Seinfeld

[wolf]

you are three posts from spamming us, aren't you?

[Shawnee123]

Ha! I yell that at my dad and brothers sometimes.

[Aliantha]

Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.

BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.

BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions.

He didn't clarify after telling me I have "issues with control"... he went on to add more insult, which was to suggest that I change my boundaries to accommodate my chatty housemate, and he did it in a rather condescending manner.

I don't think "everyone" has a problem with me, Aliantha. I think it's a few people who are choosing to take sides with the established member and dogpile the newbie. Many have done so in an incredibly offensive, insulting manner... and you're suggesting that the problem lies with me? Because I wanted to vent about a housemate not respecting my boundaries and workspace? For this, I've been accused of being a control freak, having a personality disorder, being crazy, being antisocial, and best of all, for holding the line on my personal boundaries and refusing to be bullied into thinking there's something wrong with me for having them, I've been told I deserve to be physically assaulted.

All by a few charming individuals. Not by "everyone else". I haven't been dogpiled like this, let alone over something so innocuous, on any other forum I've been on, including but not limited to pricipiadiscordia.com where they're famous for dogpiling everyone.

Another thought; the majority of people who responded did so with sympathy or humor, totally "getting" that I was just venting about something I feel frustrated by. The few people who responded by telling me that I'm wrong to feel the way I do were, in doing so, showing no respect for me or my boundaries, revealing that THEY have trouble respecting other people's boundaries... which I find interesting. It makes me wonder if my post pushed some of their buttons and made them feel subconsciously defensive about their tendency to disrespect other people's boundaries, which is why they had to go on to defend my housemate (ie. themselves) by telling me I'm wrong/neurotic to want a reasonable lack of interruption in my workspace during working hours.