Tasteless Jokes

[footfootfoot]

Jews don't recognize jesus as the messiah.
Protestants don't recognize the pope as emmissary of god.
Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

[Guyute]

This American businessman decides to go to Japan to see about buying some goods. As he arrives too late to meet the Japanese people that he would be dealing with, he arranges to meet one of them for a round of golf the next day, then hits the bar.

He is well-buzzed when this gorgeous Japanese woman sits down, and sure enough, the two hit off and after several more drinks, they head up to his room.

Soon enough the two of them are screwing like crazy, with the booze they both drank fuelling the fire. After several minutes of them fucking like crazy, he tells her to turn over and goes at her equally passionately doggie-style. Suddenly she starts jumping all over and yelling "mookee wannee, mookee wannneeee". He thinks to himself, "boy, am I giving her the drilling of a lifetime!!!". They finish and she soon pulls on her clothes and leaves.

The next morning he meets his Japanese partner and head for the golf course. After doing so-so for the first three holes, he sinks a long 40-foot putt. Waving his putter, he remembers the woman from the night before and yells "mookee wannee! Mookee Wannie!!"

The Japanese guy looks at him quizzically and says, "what do you mean, 'wrong hole'??"

[mrnoodle]

Q: What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A: An erection.




i'm so so sorry.

[Shocker]

I know this is an old post...but I came across it and just had to add to it lol

What do you do when you catch your wife watching TV?
Shorten the chain in the kitchen!

What do you call a bunch of black people in a field?
Antique farm equipment

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue
Little boy blue who?
Little boy blue michael jackson!

Guy is going down on a hooker... really having great time and suddenly he stops, pops-up looking confused and takes a kernel of corn out of his mouth.

He goes back to it with gusto, good for him, getting his money's worth... he kinda' swirls around a bit hesitantly though for a second and pop-back-up again and looks at her while she turns the page and pulls out a hair and then a piece of carrot. He looks at it inquisitively but is not deterred. He is havin' a good time tonight goddamn-it, he earned it and what-the-hell... back at it...

Ok.. this is the last damn straw, as he spits out the pea... "lady are you sick or sum-in?'

Turning the page...."No, but the guy before you was".


How does a redneck mom know that her daughter has begun menstruating?

Her son's dick tastes different.

[Shocker]

Q: What do you call two lesbians on their period?
A: Fingerpainting


Q: How do you get a gay guy, to fuck a chick?
A: Shit in her cunt.

[Stress Puppy]

If a man sucks one cock and then builds one hundred bridges what is he?

A cock sucker.

[Shocker]

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?


I'm not sure, but that fucker sure can pick lettuce!

[Crimson Ghost]

I was surprised when JFK, Jr.'s plane went down.
I thought the Kennedys drown their whores one at a time...

[Crimson Ghost]

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2.
The problem is getting them in the bulb.

[Crimson Ghost]

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."

[Crimson Ghost]

There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."

[Crimson Ghost]

A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."

[Crimson Ghost]

How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?

Toss 'em a basketball.

[Crimson Ghost]

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"