Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 170

Nirvana · 04-08-2009, 09:24 AM

THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down
next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off
at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:

"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

"Yeah?", says the hippie.

"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every
Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in
a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your
beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the
cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about
his face. "Have sex with me."

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself
to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her
Virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he
finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a
Flourish.

"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"

"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!

Shawnee123 · 04-08-2009, 09:48 AM

My sis-in-law sent me this, with the comment that it might stop some of the puns on Sunday. Yeah, right, not in my family.

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugar-coated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell

Shawnee123 · 03-25-2009, 02:18 PM

I geegled.

Sheldonrs · 03-25-2009, 02:26 PM

I oughta kick you right in the volvo!!! lol!!!

Crimson Ghost · 03-26-2009, 12:34 AM

After that, he'll need to pop his clutch.

Pie · 03-26-2009, 08:20 AM

How could you a-Ford to make a pun that bad?

Sheldonrs · 03-26-2009, 08:53 AM

It's my Civic duty.

Shawnee123 · 03-26-2009, 09:16 AM

Hemiphobe.

Pie · 03-26-2009, 09:28 AM

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.

"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper.

Then her boss says, "Thanks, I'll need two copies."

TheMercenary · 03-28-2009, 10:01 AM

I put this here as an amusement, I can't substantiate the stuff but it was interesting.

SteveDallas · 03-28-2009, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Quote:

Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Do the women masturbate more? Or wash less?

lookout123 · 03-28-2009, 12:58 PM

I used to date a chick who frequently masturbated while driving. A guy could never get away with that.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-28-2009, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

A guy could never get away with that.

You're reading the wrong sites.

Sheldonrs · 03-28-2009, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

You're reading the wrong sites.

Or just talking to the wrong guys.

capnhowdy · 03-28-2009, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

I used to date a chick who frequently masturbated while driving. A guy could never get away with that.

But on the shinier side of that coin...

we can receive oral sex while driving a lot better than chicks can. I mean, we can keep our feet on the pedals. Worst case scenario is a speeding ticket.

04-08-2009, 09:24 AM	#1
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?" "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!" "Yeah?", says the hippie. "Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God." The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me." The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her Virginity. 'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a Flourish. "Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!" "Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

04-08-2009, 09:48 AM	#2
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Happy Keester! My sis-in-law sent me this, with the comment that it might stop some of the puns on Sunday. Yeah, right, not in my family. ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY Don't put all of your eggs in one basket Walk softly and carry a big carrot Everyone needs a friend who is all ears There's no such thing as too much candy All work and no play can make you a basket case A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits Some body parts should be floppy Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans Good things come in small sugar-coated packages The grass is always greener in someone else's basket An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell Attached Images __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-25-2009, 02:18 PM	#3
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I geegled. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-25-2009, 02:26 PM	#4
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	I oughta kick you right in the volvo!!! lol!!! __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-26-2009, 12:34 AM	#5
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	After that, he'll need to pop his clutch. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

03-26-2009, 08:20 AM	#6
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	How could you a-Ford to make a pun that bad? __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

03-26-2009, 08:53 AM	#7
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	It's my Civic duty. __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-26-2009, 09:16 AM	#8
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Hemiphobe. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-26-2009, 09:28 AM	#9
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help. "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I'll need two copies." __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

03-28-2009, 10:01 AM	#10
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	I put this here as an amusement, I can't substantiate the stuff but it was interesting. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-28-2009, 12:58 PM	#12
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	I used to date a chick who frequently masturbated while driving. A guy could never get away with that. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

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