kids using "bad words"

[dar512]

I agree with Glatt, it's a balancing act (all of parenting, really). In my case, the only thing I ever did about it was to give the child my sad and disappointed face and to remind them that we try hard to avoid that kind of language in our house.

I think it's a mistake to ignore it completely. But I'll be interested to hear how it works out for Flint if we're both still here years from now.

[Flint]

Hmmmmmm...I don't think I'd "ignore it completely" either, as I am the designated person to guide them towards what they need to know in order to make their initial way through life. They would need to know, from me, at a minimum, that these words are treated differently by some people.

[ashke]

Eh. I wouldn't want to teach any child to swear. I wouldn't mind telling them what the meaning of the words are but swearing isn't something to be encouraged. Swearwords has its origin in insult and for someone to indiscriminantly use it just doesn't sound at all respectful. I mean, I would want them to understand that we should carry ourselves with grace and dignity. Words have the power to reflect the kind of person we are and it should be a lesson in knowing what kind of language we want to use in order to convey the image of ourselves.

I can't agree with actively teaching kids it's okay to swear. Bad words are bad words because they are meant to be disrespectful to others.

[Flint]

Originally Posted by ashke

I wouldn't want to teach any child to swear.

Originally Posted by ashke

I can't agree with actively teaching kids it's okay to swear.

Right. Luckily, nobody in this thread has suggested anything anywhere close to that.

[dar512]

I can tell you Flint, that that works for some things and not for others. We have some discussions with our kids that we term "family only" - not to be discussed with others. This seems to work ok.

I don't think it will work as well for your kid's language. The deal with using such words and things like table manners etc. is that they become habits. Habits will come out no matter where they are.

[Flint]

Good point, dar512. Hopefully they will be on the ball enough to understand the context of the situation they are in. My experience with children is that if you treat them like adults they will rise to that level, if you treat them like children they will stagnate there out of pure laziness, knowing that you don't expect them to display any more aptitude than that.

[glatt]

"Children" is a pretty big umbrella. Covers a lot.

It's cool that you are thinking about this now, because the language that you use in front of the kid will be the language he/she learns. But it will be quite a while before the child is old enough for you to reason with him/her.

[ashke]

Originally Posted by Flint

Right. Luckily, nobody in this thread has suggested anything anywhere close to that.

That's because you think that it should be encouraged since you don't want the kids to care what others think and limit themselves in self-expression. But I think that they should be aware of what others are thinking so they present themselves in the best way that they can be. Of course I have views about what that 'best way that they can be' is and to learn to swear without a care for words is not just a bad habit but, I think, disrespectful to others.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by Flint

@jinx: So you're saying you would discipline your kids more on the intent or usage of words more than for the words themselves?

Yes, exactly. As you mentioned, you can be quite offensive without ever swearing, even in cartoons. That's a separate issue.

They would need to know, from me, at a minimum, that these words are treated differently by some people.

This is important, and pretty much the only guidance we gave our kids wrt bad words. They don't get in trouble for using bad words at home, but their grandmothers are more sensitive etc. They don't get in trouble for using bad words at school, but some of the other kids might not like to hear them etc.

LJ and I both use fairly colorful language. My kids very rarely say any bad words. I think that's in large part due to the fact that there is no attention heaped on their saying them. They are not made to feel bad for it, nor is it something special reserved for adults. They're just words and they don't often have much use for them. As a parent, I feel like I've avoided a lot of power struggles by making it a non-issue.

Originally Posted by glatt

The deal with using such words and things like table manners etc. is that they become habits. Habits will come out no matter where they are.

I think kids are just as able as adults to understand "time and place". You don't fart in a meeting with clients, you don't swear in church, you don't eat with your hands and belch at Le Bec Fin. But you might do any one of these things at home without creating an unbreakable habit that makes you a social misfit. Kids get that.

[skysidhe]

I don't make swear words an issue. Calling someone a name wouldn't be acceptable. Saying 'oh shit' when you drop something and it breaks is understandable.

[Flint]

Originally Posted by ashke

That's because you think that it should be encouraged since you don't want the kids to care what others think and limit themselves in self-expression.

Wrong. I never said that. Please don't try to put words in my mouth, okay? I find that extremely rude and insulting (if you care what others think).

[Ibby]

I think Flint has the right idea here. Kids WILL rise to the level you hold them to. No matter what someone's age is, I treat them like I would anyone else unless they prove to me that they dont deserve equal treatment. Now, if the person in question is like, three months old thats a little different, I wouldnt sit down and try to have an intelligent conversation with someone who couldnt talk, but you know what I mean, right?

[ashke]

Originally Posted by Flint

Wrong. I never said that. Please don't try to put words in my mouth, okay? I find that extremely rude and insulting (if you care what others think).

Okay then, my mistake.

[Katkeeper]

When UT was small, I told him there was no such thing as a bad word, but that there were words that some people didn't like to hear so that he should be aware of this and be careful where he used some words. Problem solved.

When he got several years older, he brought kids home and swore just to prove to them that he could swear at home and his mother wouldn't object.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Happy Monkey

The idea of "bad words" is idiotic, and should be abolished. Of course, being a trailblazer in this respect could cause some annoying and embarrassing public interactions...

I think the late Jochser was pretty certain proof of that postulate.