Mormon Madness

[Stormieweather]

I'll bet the lawnmower is to race with or tool around town (although a golf cart would be a bit more comfy, not to mention stylish).

[Undertoad]

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

No rational concept of heaven includes grass that requires mowing.

cookied

[mrnoodle]

[Trilby]

I was always taught that the Mormon's were a CULT so this doesn't surprise me in the least. After all, Marie Osmond was bummed out, wasn't she? And, what the HELL does Marie Osmond have to be bummed out about? I think any religion that breeds it's women like puppy mills will pretty much reap what it sows. Women aren't meant to be bred like animals. It makes them nuts and then the kids are nuts and the men are tribal and unyielding. Where's the Higher Consciousness? Where's the LOVE?

The whole Mormon premise is pretty damn interesting, though. Joseph Smith must have had balls of steel to tell that story with a straight face. L. Ron Hubbard WAS right. You want money and power? Start a religion.

[Pangloss62]

[Tonchi]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

You get your own planet when you die, and you get to decide if your wimmin gets to go or not. Where do I sign up?

meh. can you imagine being in charge of a whole planet? I hope I just get a few acres in heaven, and a riding lawnmower.

Nope, it doesn't work that way. You might have to wait millenia while you and your "family" get cycled and recycled through life and heaven until you reach a state of purification that qualifies you to become a God of your own UNIVERSE. Like you and Mrs. God preside over exactly the same setup as we are living in today, having physical intercourse to engender the souls who will be sent to YOUR planets in the bodies which YOU created. Mrs. God is the same woman you are married to when you are "sealed for all eternity" in the Temple ceremony, so pick a good one because you are stuck with her forever and beyond.

Probably the most controversial tenet of the Mormons is they teach that God was once a human, just like the rest of us, before he attained his present status. Naturally this is used as a recruiting incentive, but only for MEN. Women can't become gods under any circumstances, which has more than a few worthy Mormon women frosted. But if they speak out about it, they get excommunicated. It's not a good idea to have any doubts if you plan on staying Mormon.

[Pangloss62]

Well. That's some crazy shite, that Mormonism. And they say it's a growing religion? That's hard to fathom, what with all that crazy doctrine. What sane person would actually "choose" to join?

Goodness.

[Happy Monkey]

They do a lot of the bribe-style recruiting. They set up extremely nice facilities in extremely poor areas, and then only let Mormons use them.

[mrnoodle]

And on the surface, they have a very appealing whitebread sort of June Cleaverness that attracts (white) families with kids. And they always have the prettiest churches in town. Their supposed belief in the bible (as seen on TV commercials) draws Christians who haven't really studied the tenets of their own faith and don't realize what a contradiction Mormonism and Christianity are.

It's kind of like going to a car dealership and buying a Dodge Ram, only to find that, although the bodywork looks identical, there's a lawnmower engine under the hood. That runs on dead puppies. From space.

I lost my metaphor at some point.

[Happy Monkey]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

It's kind of like going to a car dealership and buying a Dodge Ram, only to find that, although the bodywork looks identical, there's a lawnmower engine under the hood. That runs on dead puppies. From space.

And as soon as you get in and shut the door, the locks snap shut.

[Griff]

...and puppies are 3 fity a gallon.

[mrnoodle]

...and the only person who has ever actually driven a pickup like that is a former mental patient who claims that he has special goggles that give him the unique ability to operate such a thing. And no witnesses ever saw him do it. Yet they sell trucks and puppies by the ton.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by Tonchi

Mrs. God is the same woman you are married to when you are "sealed for all eternity" in the Temple ceremony, so pick a good one because you are stuck with her forever and beyond.

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

Now I want a meatloaf sandwich with BBQ sauce and tomato... thanks a lot.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by richlevy

Sort of like how the Catholic Church would feel if someone started a sect based on 1st century Christian beliefs. Which might be an improvement, actually.

Might?

The Catholics were never so Pagan as when they first got started. It was 1,000 years later when they started getting *really* difficult to deal with.