kids sneaking sweets.

[Beestie]

We have a problem with this too. I have a 5 and 6 yo girl and boy.

I intentionally leave candy and sweets out on the counter and keep an eye on how fast they disappear. I also note how much they eat at dinner. From these two things, I get an idea of how "out of hand" their candy eating is.

What I have settled on is to frequently discuss nutrition with them to give them a reason not to eat too much. I can't police them at school and I don't want to make them neurotic about eating - I'm concerned especially about my daughter to make sure her self-image is independent of her eating habits.

Our conversation might go like this:

I see them going for the candy (Me in blue, them in grn)
Are you hungry?
Yes.
What does it mean when you are hungry?
puzzled looks
I think it means that your body is telling your tummy that it needs food to keep growing and your tummy, in turn, is telling you to give it some fuel. So what do you think your body wants you to give it? Its not like your tummy has hands and legs and can go to the fridge and pick what it really needs. You are in charge of that so what do you think you should do???
Give it some food?
I'd say that's probably what your tummy really wants.
I love candy, though.
You do!?!?
You bet!! And just as soon as I've given my tummy what it needs then I can have some.
Hey kids - what is Daddy supposed to do when my car is running out of gas?
Stop at 7-11 and put some gas in it?
Can I tell you kids something if you promise not to tell anyone? There was this one time that I was out of gas but instead of gas, I filled my car with Skittles! My car was sooooo happy!! Guess what happened next?!?!
It broke down?
Exactly! Why?
It wanted gas but you gave it Skittles???
Because my car doesn't run on Skittles! And little boys and girls don't run on Skittles either! But they are yummy tho.

I gave up on hiding candy. They need to learn at home from me and their mother how to manage the decision of when and how much candy and food to eat. Its not easy but we agreed a while back that not keeping candy in the house was just depriving them of the opportunity to learn how to think it through and make the right decision under our guidance. Same with soft drinks and cereal. My kids can pretty much go down the cereal aisle with me and figure out which cereals are food and which are candy disguised to look like food. And I tell them that its hard for me too - I'd rather have Lucky Charms than Raisin Bran or Cheerios but that my body expects me to give it food and it won't be healthy and strong if I don't. I think it really helps them to know that its hard for us too.

But we don't demonize candy and junk food. We just let the kids know that while candy and McDonald's are tasty, they are an occasional treat and we shouldn't pretend that our body can run on that stuff.

That works for 5 and 6 year olds. I have no idea what to tell you about the 9 year old.

[Stormieweather]

I have an 18 yr old, 10 yr old and a 14 mo old at home. I've also raised a now 23 yr old as well as another teen who lived with us for a couple of years when they were in their mid-teens. I used to have problems with one or two of the kids scarfing ALL of the sweets and leaving none for anyone else. This effectively screwed those that ate responsibly.

I developed a system whereby each person is allowed to order (via me, the grocery shopper) a snack item for the week. It could be anything from cookies, popcorn, gummy bears, ice cream, nuts, or a chunk of cheese to pudding or yogurt. But this snack was all they would get for the week. They had the choice of eating it all in one sitting or spreading it out for 7 days. If they took a snack belonging to someone else, they forfeited their snack for the following week in favor of the shorted person (who got two). They also have the same plan for drinks. Each person gets assigned drinks (usually soda/tea) and they have to use them sparingly or they will be drinking nothing but water by week's end.

I also stock the less expensive and healthier snacks for the family such as pretzels and apples/oranges. If they run out of their sweets, they can always eat the household snacks. Juice and Milk are provided in unlimited quantities.

I found that this system gives each person control over how much they want to eat at a time and still teaches them to save and conserve. They also learn to respect each other's property.

I am on a tight budget so meal planning is a big issue. I always serve home cooked, well balanced meals for dinner and everyone is expected to participate (or go hungry).

It has worked well for me so far . They're all healthy and none appear to have any food issues (overeating/undereating/addictions/excessive tooth decay).

Stormie

[LabRat]

Originally Posted by Beestie

~snip~ Its not easy but we agreed a while back that not keeping candy in the house was just depriving them of the opportunity to learn how to think it through and make the right decision under our guidance. ~snip~ we don't demonize candy and junk food. We just let the kids know that while candy and McDonald's are tasty, they are an occasional treat and we shouldn't pretend that our body can run on that stuff.

I totally 100% agree with you. Our daughter is 3.75 yrs old, and we have explained it like this: Proteins like chicken make big muscles so you are strong, carbohydrates like bread and cereal give you energy to run, fruits and vegetables give you vitamins so you can grow, and help your body fight germs to keep you from getting sick. Sweets are treats that if you eat too many, make you fat and slow because you don't have enough room to eat good stuff. I believe in total truth in our house

I have a bowl on top of the fridge with 'her' treats in it. M&M's, Twizzlers, Tootsie Pops etc. She knows that she gets some for eating her meal well, or doing something good. (picking up toys without being asked, etc.) We can leave things down where she can reach them, and not have to worry about them dissappearing. Her fruit snacks and fruit rollups are in the pantry where she can reach them, but so far we haven't had any trouble with her taking them without asking. She knows she won't get any later if she does!

Were lucky that we can use a 'No snacks if you are naughty' approach because she's got a sweet tooth the size of a basketball.

[Ibby]

I've never had a sweets problem myself, probably cause I like savory things more. If my mom buys a bag of candy I'd steal a few and eat 'em... if she buys a box of Cheez-its i'll steal the box and eat them all.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Beestie

I think it really helps them to know that its hard for us too.

If I had to pick a single parenting philosophy, this would be it. If kids believe that making the right choice (any right choice) is "easy" for the adults they see, they feel like failures when it turns out to be hard for them, and just give up. If you help them understand that everyone has a hard time making the right choice sometimes, they'll grow to respect the fact that you made the right choice anyway.

[hideouse]

You've been great, and I thank you for your comments. I expect we'll keep up the embargo until Halloween and then go back to some indulging. I think this came about through SWMBO discussing the subject with young Master 9 yr old.
Ibram, we've been tried a few times to manage an allowance but have'nt been very good at it. If we don't forget then Shorty does. Still working on it.
Beestie, I agree with your comments about things being difficult for grownups too. we have that conversation every few months with eldest and #2.

[footfootfoot]

Jeez, in our house SWMBO gets all concerned if inchling goes on a raisin binge.

He's had exactly one tootsie pop in his life, and one other random lollypop.

maybe had about a pint of ice cream in his life. He is a fruitbat however, and will eat a lot of fruit, but then suddenly goes off it and gets on a chicken or beef jag.

We don't really have junk in the house, occasionally we'll have midel ginger snaps and he'll want to freebase them. We usually tell him he has to wait until the "big hand" reaches the "king fisher" before he can have more.

99% of the time he is onto the next thing and isn't really hungry.

We had read that eating habits are formed very early so we exposed the inch to as many types of foods as we could early on. (Obviously leaving out the things he shouldn't have had as an infant like tuna, honey strawberries, etc)

Coming form the opposite direction, we just didn't include in his food universe thngs that we felt were not going to be best for him.

I've seen parents give their 35 pound kids entire ice cream cones. Do the math: if you weigh 175 pounds it is the equivalent of you eating 5 ice cream cones. That just ain't right.

What the f am I talking about?

[hideouse]

Now I 'm in trouble for using #1 son's real name on the intarweb. Someday I'll learn...

[Griff]

Originally Posted by hideouse

Now I 'm in trouble for using #1 son's real name on the intarweb. Someday I'll learn...

You can use the edit button or ask UT to take it out.

[Sundae]

I was in the Post Office today and in front of me were two mothers with children in buggies. The girl in question was about 2 and a half (old enough not to be in a buggy in my opinion) was bugging her mother. You know what it's like, "Mum? Mum. Mum? Mum!" After ignoring her for 5 irritating minutes while she chatted to her friend, the mother didn't engage in conversation with her daughter, or try to distract her - she launched straight into, "What is it? Do you want some crispies?" Well if the girl hadn't, she did now. While her friend watched her place, she went and bought a packet of Wotsits
Ingredients:

Maize, vegetable oil, cheese flavour [cheese powder (7%) lactose (from milk), flavour enhancer (disodium 5’-ribonucleotide), colour (paprika extract), natural flavouring], salt, potassium chloride .

and a bottle of Robinson's Fruit Shoot (can't find a link, but it comes in a bottle with Not Suitable for Under 36 Months, and I know it contains Aspartame)

Both just opened and handed over.

It was about 11.25, which makes me wonder whether this would end up being her daughter's lunch. Surely a 21g packet of crisps isn't a suitable "snack" at that time of day?

I'm not suggesting this is the case in this thread! It is just hard to watch parents who use food as an alternative to a dummy (comforter?) to shut their children up and stop them being a nuisance.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

It is just hard to watch parents who use food as an alternative to a dummy (comforter?) to shut their children up and stop them being a nuisance.

We call a dummy a pacifier on this side of the Atlantic.

And that's another can of worms too. There are some parents who don't let their kids use pacifiers because use of them can become a crutch for kids and prolonged use will cause crooked teeth. Balance that against the comfort they provide the kid and who knows what the right answer is?

[Undertoad]

Cheesy Poofs!!!

[Jaydaan]

I did not post this earlier, because most people have not dealt with the severity of my one son's actions... and sneaking food DOES NOT MEAN you child would EVER have the issues my one son does. Mine has severel disorders, and mental conditions... most childern do not have anything even close to this.... most kids are just being kids!
My oldest son stole food. He would sneak it into his room, and eat some... and make sure the rest was destroyed, wasted or went bad. We had a healthy diet and he was never deprived. Jello packets, whipping cream (not even made), juice powder would go missing along with peanut butter, fruit, loaves of bread etc...
We talked to our doctor about this, and he suggested at his age ( 4-5) it could be a control issue. So we let him make more choices: such as what pants to wear, what to fill his sandwich with ( peanut butter, or meat) if he wanted salt/pepper/butter etc... on his meal. We did not turn into a restaraunt, we simply gave him more control over the food he needed to eat. We were having veggies.. so am I cooking carrots, or corn?, for example.
We did this in all aspects, not just food, as we were told sneaking was usually one thing a small child could control in thier lives.

We went to a counsellor as well, because we were concerend when the issue got worse. The counsellor was suggesting that our son may be depressed, and using the sneaking to deal with other issues. He also suggested our son was " just getting used to his step father, and younger sibling. Perhaps he is doing this to get attention. Even negative attention is still attention" When it got worse, we started locking the pantry, and shopping for fresh items every other day, in oder to offset the cost of the wasted food. Locking the pantry was NOT done lightly, btw. But at the time it was the only thing any *professional* could suggest to keep food in the house longer than 6 hours.

When other things started going missing at about the age 9, we knew we needed even more help. Money, lighters, toys, movies etc... were being taken, and others brought in, and hidden in his room. This indicated to us, that this was no longer just a control issue, or an adjustement struggle. This was/is much more than that.. but thats not why I am posting. I am going to post some of our education tips... perhaps one of these items will help you in your handling of the situation. I found some of the "parent" training to be quite helpful.

[Jaydaan]

Handling the situation when your child is stealing:
Stealing often causes more concern to parents because it may happen outside the home and may affect other people. During the school years, stealing may be a sign of a problem, but it may also be a result of peer pressure and the need for the child to fit in. It is important to look at the whole situation.

Children under the age of 3 take things because they do not understand fully the difference between what is "mine" and what is not. They then may become possessive of their things and protect them. They do not steal with bad intentions.

Children between the ages of 3 and 7 begin to respect things that belong to others. However, this age group will trade property without regard to value if something else is wanted. The respect for property continues in the school-aged child.

By the time the child is 9, the child should respect the possessions of others and understand that stealing is wrong. Children in this age group may continue to steal because of several factors, including the following:

They may feel peer pressure and the need to fit in.
They may have low self-esteem.
They may not have any friends and are trying to "buy" their friends.
They may try to become good at stealing to feel proud of something they have done if they do not receive positive feedback from their parents.
When does stealing become a concern?
There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any of these apply to your child, it is important to consult your child's physician:

an older child that steals and does not feel bad about it
a child who constantly steals
if other behavioral problems also exist in the child
Children older than age of 3 should be confronted with any lying or stealing, but it is important to remember that most of these behaviors are part of growing up and do not represent severe problems. Each child is unique, and your child's physician should be involved with any concerns.


This site if for more than just stealing the odd cookie... but it was a helpful start for our path.
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/taskforcepaper.pdf

[Jaydaan]

hmm seems thats the only article I have on my computer atm.... my appologies. I am sure there are many sites on the net that could explain more than I ever could.