Confused about reaction

[Cyclefrance]

It's a shame that we react that way as it gives the wrong impression. I don't believe it's anything more than the element of surprise at NOT seeing what you expect - i.e. a person sitting in a chair. The trouble is that we, as human beings, aren't very good at dealing with these situations. The obvious thing to do might be to say what we feel - would a 'hey, sorry, you threw me there, must have looked as though I was staring at you because you're in a wheelchair, but it's just that I was expecting a chair not a wheelchair - I feel an idiot!' not be more straightforward and appropriate? But feeling that we have made one mistake by 'staring' rather than put the record straight we tend to try to cover the impression we believe we are creating (staring at someone in a wheelchair) by avoiding the issue of putting matters straight - and then we end up making things worse - we overplay the act of trying to ignore the situation - and that draws even more attention to it. There's an old saying that goes 'if you put yourself in a hole the first thing you should do is stop digging' - the trouble is we seldom do.

Maybe I'm being overkind with my explanation? I don't really think so. Sure, there are a few people out there who might deliberately berate someone in a wheelchair, but for most of us it's the surprise element and then we screw up by turning the surprise into something that can be conceived as being rude and distasteful by what we do next.

[monster]

A little more background, if you please, rkz...

Were you alone? if so, that may be it, wheelchair or no
With regulars at that bar? if so, then their curiosity would be peeked
with a group of other people who had never been there before? then you probably stuck out like two sore thumbs rather than one.
were you near the door? If so, you're probably the first thing the saw while adjusting to the light, adding an extra element of suprise
Was it easy for you to get it?
If not, you may be the first person in a wheelchair they've seen in there and if they never go anywhere else it might not occur to them that people in wheelchairs can visit bars.

Whatever the scenario, it sucks but it's life. You know that. people will look at the different, Some people do not have the manners to apologize or explain when caught out, some won't even make eye contact. That makes them the lesser person, but maybe, next time, they will.

Originally Posted by DanaC

That's weird rk. Horrible having people stare at you, I think. When I was a kid my eczema used to get so bad I'd be covered in bandages, and my face would swell up. People stared, one woman even pulled her kid away from me; I think she was scared her kid would catch whatever i had :P

Not really horrible. I wasn't trying to make it a negative. It's not. I was an actor for a very long time, so I'm not weird about attention.
I'm just confused about it.

I was near the front door, but the whole front of the bar is windows, no light adjustment. I was with mix of regulars and new people. Honestly, I go to concerts at bars from time to time and have never had this happen, but they tend to be "harder" bars or more rock oriented, we/I just don't get that kind of attention in those bars. A lot of them were actually were our age (mid thirties and some were even older), it was an Irish pub. I was not upset, I'm really curious.
When people just come up and ask why I am more than happy to tell them and help them understand. People need to feel comfortable with illness and mortality.
Now that I think about it, perhaps my being with an attractive woman was weird for them?

not occur to them that people in wheelchairs can visit bars.

Ok, that is just weird.

[monster]

yup, it's weird.

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

Maybe I'm being overkind with my explanation? I don't really think so. Sure, there are a few people out there who might deliberately berate someone in a wheelchair, but for most of us it's the surprise element and then we screw up by turning the surprise into something that can be conceived as being rude and distasteful by what we do next.

You've got a handle on human nature. That's for sure!

Good imput cycle!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Yes, I think he nailed it, also

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance
Maybe I'm being overkind with my explanation? I don't really think so. Sure, there are a few people out there who might deliberately berate someone in a wheelchair, but for most of us it's the surprise element and then we screw up by turning the surprise into something that can be conceived as being rude and distasteful by what we do next.

You are probably closer to it.
Much younger people will actually just come up to me and start asking questions, which I enjoy.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by lizzymahoney

Pepperoncini perked up when she saw our bike and a strange kid. The kid dropped the bike in the middle of the circle and ran into their open garage. It really pissed me off that a ten or twelve year old kid did not know how to behave safely around a dog.... She could have killed that kid if she was just any dog. My biggest problem there is lack of personal responsibility on the part of the parents raising that kid.

I'm not sure I get the the whole story here.

When you say perked up I assume you mean barking, or looking threatening in some way?
In which case I can't see how the child is at fault. A dog he doesn't know acted in a way he didn't expect and he ran to the nearest available refuge?

If dogs kill people for doing this, then I submit it is the dog owner's fault for not controlling their incredibly dangerous animals. I appreciate your dog isn't dangerous, but the boy did not know this.

Also I can't see how the parents could be at fault. I was certainly never taught not to run from a barking dog. It never came up. Which is why I'm questioning this now in case I got the wrong end of the stick.

Anyway, back to the OT. I think people here have nailed it already RK - the people in question were surprised by what they saw. There's a number of factors that would be unusual, especially taken together - the motorised chair, your age, your appearance (shaved head, natty dress, apparent health) the fact you were behaving like a "normal" person - conversing, having a drink (as opposed to someone parked in the corner, dribbling).

I have to admit it's hard for me to relate. I grew up close to a hospital that specialised in spinal injuries - people came from all over the UK (and even the world) for treatment. At least once a year we had visits at school from people in wheelchairs. I remember a young woman who was a victim of drink driving - who read us some rather bad poetry, and a guy who was on the Olympic basketball team with bright red hair (a classmate asked him cheekily if the other guys picked on him for being ginger). I think it was intended as social integration. The town would be inundated with wheelchair athletes for the Games every year - we were more interested in hearing real American, Australian etc accents than we were phased by the chairs.

[DanaC]

Funnily enough, the school I went to gave me a good grounding on stuff like that. We were a 'mixed' school, in that we were set up to deal with a variety of disabilities. We had ramps everywhere and several kids in wheelchairs; all the teachers had those microphone things for talking to kids with hearing aids and many of the teachers signed as well. Seeing people in wheelchairs was never really an oddity.

[Cyclefrance]

Coincidentally, there was a youngish guy in a wheelchair at the restaurant today. Probably because of this thread, I noticed.... that no one took much notice.

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

Coincidentally, there was a youngish guy in a wheelchair at the restaurant today. Probably because of this thread, I noticed.... that no one took much notice.

That is the norm for me... why it was so odd there.

Originally Posted by lizzymahoney
Pepperoncini perked up when she saw our bike and a strange kid. The kid dropped the bike in the middle of the circle and ran into their open garage. It really pissed me off that a ten or twelve year old kid did not know how to behave safely around a dog.... She could have killed that kid if she was just any dog. My biggest problem there is lack of personal responsibility on the part of the parents raising that kid.

No leash laws where you live?

[Cloud]

maybe people were just drunk enough to forget to be polite. or they've been going to the same bar for years and never saw a wheelchair there before. 'tis a shame.

Originally Posted by Cloud

maybe people were just drunk enough to forget to be polite. or they've been going to the same bar for years and never saw a wheelchair there before. 'tis a shame.

Again, going to bars is nothing new for me. This was very odd. Perhaps a full moon effect for some shit.

[Cloud]

but you'd never been to that bar, right?

. . . or maybe they were just idiots

[glatt]

Originally Posted by lizzymahoney

I took my dog out later. Quiet cul-de-sac, no leash on a border collie cross golden of advanced years. Pepperoncini perked up when she saw our bike and a strange kid. The kid dropped the bike in the middle of the circle and ran into their open garage. It really pissed me off that a ten or twelve year old kid did not know how to behave safely around a dog.

It really pisses me off that you had your dog off its leash in a public area and you are blaming the kid for being a potential victim. It is 100% your responsibility to be in control of your dog. The kid has zero responsibility here.

It may be wise for parents to teach their kids how to behave around dogs, but it's certainly not required, and you have no right to be pissed off that the kid didn't know how to act around your dog while you were on a public street.