Lover and/or Best Friend? - Page 2

Chocolatl · 11-03-2008, 03:05 PM

My husband plays a lot of different roles in my life, and "lover" and "best friend" are definitely included in that list. He's.... home. He makes me feel safe, and he bears a little of my burdens just like I bear some of his. A lot of what Ali said holds true for me, as well. My husband is the person I want to hang out with, and the person I go to for advice and support.

That said, I think I have a few best friends. I have relationships with female friends that are decidedly different from the relationship I have with my husband, but still very important. We support each other and spend time together, and these women are the people I consider my "best friends." The relationship I have with my husband is somewhere above that, and that's how I knew he was the right person to marry.

limey · 11-03-2008, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

I have neither.
Probably don't deserve them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juniper

SG, what a ridiculous thing to say. I hope you don't mean that, because it couldn't be less true.

Yeah, what Juniper said. 'sup SG?

lumberjim · 11-03-2008, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

He's the one I want to tell everything to, and do everything with. He's the one I turn to when I can't cope and he's the one I yell at when I'm at my witts end. He's also the one who forgives all my faults and loves me in spite of them...and sometimes because of them. He understands me and makes my life easier by just being in it.

I love him. I feel passionate about him. I respect him. I like him.

I can't imagine life without him. I was lonely before even though my life was filled with love and family. Now I never really feel alone even when he's not beside me (which is often). He's a presence in my life that is enduring and comforting just to think about.

He's my lover, and he's my best friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

My husband plays a lot of different roles in my life, and "lover" and "best friend" are definitely included in that list. He's.... home. He makes me feel safe, and he bears a little of my burdens just like I bear some of his. My husband is the person I want to hang out with, and the person I go to for advice and support.

(both quotes trimmed)

You two should start a greeting card company.

Chocolatl · 11-03-2008, 03:50 PM

I used to work at a Hallmark store. Looks like their stuff infiltrated my brain.

freshnesschronic · 11-03-2008, 04:20 PM

Hi!
College kid's perspective!
Right now I'd say...no?

Because if you have a lover who is also your best friend, your life seems linear in my opinion. There are friends, and there are family. A lover (gray area with bf/gf) should be down the family route, whereas the best friend is definitely a friend. This separation creates a wholesome life, I would say. Family is the most important thing in life. Best friends are a distant second. Lover and friend are two different experiences you need in your life, if I were to put them together it would get messy (because I did that and it did! haha).

If you have problems with your lover, you can't go to your best friend to talk about issues, I mean you can I guess because technically it is the same person but the advice and comfort surely won't be the same.

My ex was my lover and best friend. And when we broke up I lost both and felt really alone. I would probably make the distinction in a future relationship. My parents are lovers and best friends but my grandparents are definitely not best friends.

I would actually say most of my friends in college would agree with me. Maybe I'll change with more experience and age, but right now I would separate the two.

TheMercenary · 11-03-2008, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Lover and friend are two different experiences you need in your life, if I were to put them together it would get messy (because I did that and it did! haha).

Yea, the rest of us call that marriage.

Aliantha · 11-03-2008, 04:50 PM

fresh, I think when you have a good marriage, you can definitely go to your best friend if you're having problems with your lover, even if they happen to be the same person. In fact, in my opinion it's the ideal thing to do rather than get lopsided advice from someone who's only hearing your side of the story.

Communication is the key to me is what I'm saying I guess.

Of course I talk to my girls about my marriage as they do to me about theirs, and sometimes you get tips to help in difficult situations, but it never replaces an honest discussion of the problem between the two people having it. Relationships are not exclusive, even the most intimate ones. They flourish much better with loving support from family and friends.

eta: We don't have a perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs and we definitely argue about stupid things sometimes (usually because one or both of us is just tired and grumpy) but I swear that because I feel so safe in this relationship is why I know I can just be tired and grumpy and get away with it because he knows it's not about him, but if we didn't have that open communication, he'd be sitting there wondering what he'd done wrong. It's something to do with confidence in the relationship and knowing it's the one thing...the last bastion of defense between you and the big bad world...or something like that. It's hard to put into words really.

I'll also add that when I was younger, I used to talk to my friends about every little hiccup in my relationships. They'd be disected and examined until it seemed like the only choice was to throw out an ultimatum in order to solve a problem. You may know by now that this is seldom a good course of action and usually you end up alone. Compromise is the key.

monster · 11-03-2008, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

I don't think you need to be best friends to be lovers, but you need to be best friends to be married.

possibly the second time in history.... what he said ^.

DanaC · 11-04-2008, 03:22 AM

The only time I have truly been in love, not counting my recent obsession (:P) was with J. He was my partner and my best friend for 12 years. He is still my best friend.

I don't know what's 'best' but I know that any future lover I have wouldn't be my best friend, because that spot's already taken :P

Cicero · 11-04-2008, 10:05 AM

I am everything but his best friend. His friends are notoriously stupid. We do everything together, yes, but I'm not doing it because we are friends, I do it because he's my husband and I like having him around.

We never "hung out". We never acted like friends before we dated. He was never a great friend, or acted like it until he got into my pants. Not that kind of relationship. We discuss it, we are agreed, we aren't friends. He's a comapanion of sorts, but i'm not going to go play guitar with him or anything, and talk about his wife. Naah. We are significant lovers. I can tell, because he still acts out when someone hurts me (sometimes). He's cute. Friends is too temporary, of a word. In both, his experience and mine.

Ruminator · 12-04-2008, 11:29 PM

I've been blessed by being in one relationship in my life. Ali's words describe us too.
It began when we were 16 and freshmen in high school together... and its still going strong, now we are 53.

If there is such a thing as soul-mates, I think we are.

We still accidently hurt each other occasionally, life just doesn't let us avoid it. But love does cover many failures when allowed.

A man will die for his woman if she will live for him.

DanaC · 12-05-2008, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruminator

A man will die for his woman if she will live for him.

Hall of Fame?

classicman · 12-05-2008, 11:35 AM

Absolutely!

Ruminator · 12-07-2008, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Hall of Fame?

Sorry Dana, I don't know what you mean?

Is there a music band by the name Hall Of Fame?

xoxoxoBruce · 12-07-2008, 01:51 AM

Hall of Fame thread.

View Poll Results: Significant and...
nothing more	1	3.33%
best friend	25	83.33%
does not matter	4	13.33%
Voters: 30. You may not vote on this poll

11-03-2008, 04:50 PM	#22
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	fresh, I think when you have a good marriage, you can definitely go to your best friend if you're having problems with your lover, even if they happen to be the same person. In fact, in my opinion it's the ideal thing to do rather than get lopsided advice from someone who's only hearing your side of the story. Communication is the key to me is what I'm saying I guess. Of course I talk to my girls about my marriage as they do to me about theirs, and sometimes you get tips to help in difficult situations, but it never replaces an honest discussion of the problem between the two people having it. Relationships are not exclusive, even the most intimate ones. They flourish much better with loving support from family and friends. eta: We don't have a perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs and we definitely argue about stupid things sometimes (usually because one or both of us is just tired and grumpy) but I swear that because I feel so safe in this relationship is why I know I can just be tired and grumpy and get away with it because he knows it's not about him, but if we didn't have that open communication, he'd be sitting there wondering what he'd done wrong. It's something to do with confidence in the relationship and knowing it's the one thing...the last bastion of defense between you and the big bad world...or something like that. It's hard to put into words really. I'll also add that when I was younger, I used to talk to my friends about every little hiccup in my relationships. They'd be disected and examined until it seemed like the only choice was to throw out an ultimatum in order to solve a problem. You may know by now that this is seldom a good course of action and usually you end up alone. Compromise is the key. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber Last edited by Aliantha; 11-03-2008 at 04:58 PM.

11-04-2008, 10:05 AM	#25
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I am everything but his best friend. His friends are notoriously stupid. We do everything together, yes, but I'm not doing it because we are friends, I do it because he's my husband and I like having him around. We never "hung out". We never acted like friends before we dated. He was never a great friend, or acted like it until he got into my pants. Not that kind of relationship. We discuss it, we are agreed, we aren't friends. He's a comapanion of sorts, but i'm not going to go play guitar with him or anything, and talk about his wife. Naah. We are significant lovers. I can tell, because he still acts out when someone hurts me (sometimes). He's cute. Friends is too temporary, of a word. In both, his experience and mine. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung Last edited by Cicero; 11-04-2008 at 10:17 AM.

12-04-2008, 11:29 PM	#26
Ruminator Ohio fisherman Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 117	I've been blessed by being in one relationship in my life. Ali's words describe us too. It began when we were 16 and freshmen in high school together... and its still going strong, now we are 53. If there is such a thing as soul-mates, I think we are. We still accidently hurt each other occasionally, life just doesn't let us avoid it. But love does cover many failures when allowed. A man will die for his woman if she will live for him. __________________ ~ Perception is vital, reality is irrelevant... or is it? ~ "People never give each other enough credit for their contributions." ... a truer statement was never made. - contributed by TheMercenary

12-05-2008, 11:35 AM	#28
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Absolutely! __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

11-03-2008, 03:05 PM	#16
Chocolatl Glutton for Gluttony Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 1,409	My husband plays a lot of different roles in my life, and "lover" and "best friend" are definitely included in that list. He's.... home. He makes me feel safe, and he bears a little of my burdens just like I bear some of his. A lot of what Ali said holds true for me, as well. My husband is the person I want to hang out with, and the person I go to for advice and support. That said, I think I have a few best friends. I have relationships with female friends that are decidedly different from the relationship I have with my husband, but still very important. We support each other and spend time together, and these women are the people I consider my "best friends." The relationship I have with my husband is somewhere above that, and that's how I knew he was the right person to marry.

11-03-2008, 03:50 PM	#19
Chocolatl Glutton for Gluttony Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 1,409	I used to work at a Hallmark store. Looks like their stuff infiltrated my brain.

11-03-2008, 04:20 PM	#20
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Hi! College kid's perspective! Right now I'd say...no? Because if you have a lover who is also your best friend, your life seems linear in my opinion. There are friends, and there are family. A lover (gray area with bf/gf) should be down the family route, whereas the best friend is definitely a friend. This separation creates a wholesome life, I would say. Family is the most important thing in life. Best friends are a distant second. Lover and friend are two different experiences you need in your life, if I were to put them together it would get messy (because I did that and it did! haha). If you have problems with your lover, you can't go to your best friend to talk about issues, I mean you can I guess because technically it is the same person but the advice and comfort surely won't be the same. My ex was my lover and best friend. And when we broke up I lost both and felt really alone. I would probably make the distinction in a future relationship. My parents are lovers and best friends but my grandparents are definitely not best friends. I would actually say most of my friends in college would agree with me. Maybe I'll change with more experience and age, but right now I would separate the two.

11-04-2008, 03:22 AM	#24
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	The only time I have truly been in love, not counting my recent obsession (:P) was with J. He was my partner and my best friend for 12 years. He is still my best friend. I don't know what's 'best' but I know that any future lover I have wouldn't be my best friend, because that spot's already taken :P

12-07-2008, 01:51 AM	#30
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Hall of Fame thread. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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