My long-lost brother - Page 2

Sundae · 05-08-2009, 08:14 AM

I often dream about it, and in the dreams revert to being a teenager and hating my parents for doing that to me. I have no idea how it would feel in real life, but I can't help thinking I'd feel a huge betrayal from the lies, even if it was lying by omission.

Perhaps if I found out my Dad had a child he knew nothing about, from before he met my Mum, I would be okay. But even so, I'd be hurt that they bothered to lie about him being a virgin on his wedding night (not for want of trying, they added).

I suppose it's different if it's never come up in any way. As family would be careful about if there was a secret. And of course in situations where the other family member is known about but not in contact.

It must be fascinating. Especially where you already have siblings, so are aware that sibling relationships can go either way. It must be much harder with a parent reunion. The only role model you have for that is obviously someone you love unconditionally, which is unlikely to happen again.

05-19-2009, 01:10 PM

I just talked to my favorite sister today, and as a result of learning about our newly-found brother having Aspergers, she went and was evaluated for it and it turns out she has it too. Which, as it happens, is completely not a surprise at all... in fact, rather than being surprising, it makes perfect sense.

Madman · 05-20-2009, 07:29 AM

I had/have a long lost brother. He disappeared when I was 10 (he was 19). Moved on with life for the next 25 years then "poof" there he was again. It was pretty cool for little awhile. Then the kind of person he was started to show through.

I disappeared from him. That was 10 years ago.

I hope your experience has better results.

Pie · 05-20-2009, 07:57 AM

I am older than my "long-lost" brother -- he disappeared from my family when he was 18 (I was 23). He briefly surfaced to introduce my parents to his kids, and their baby-momma... When that failed to produce much $$ from the 'rents, he disappeared again.

His wife sent us a two line condolence email, six months after my father died. That's when we knew there would never be another attempt at reconciliation.

Queen of the Ryche · 05-20-2009, 12:11 PM

According to the cuckoo woman-who-married-my-dad (was never and will never be stepmother), I have a half brother somewhere back east. Don't know how much validity there is to the story, dad's dead so I can't ask him, and I've lived this long with just one brother, don't see any need to stir things up.

Cyber Wolf · 06-02-2009, 11:01 AM

When I graduated from college and got my own place some years ago, my mom gave me my original birth certificate for safe keeping, among other papers. Shortly after that, I noticed the box that notes previous children was filled in. There was an X next to 'deceased'. Neither parent has ever mentioned anything about an older, now dead, sibling and I don't think I'm going to bring it up. If they haven't told me about it now, I don't think I'll ever hear about it. I've never felt upset or angry about it... I am curious but I don't see how it'll really change my life for better or worse for knowing anything more.

Clodfobble · 06-02-2009, 02:57 PM

For what it's worth, Cyber, I think chances are good it was a miscarriage, which still counts as a "previous pregnancy" from a medical standpoint. They're surprisingly common. And when the child effectively never existed in your life, it's easy to never mention it again--very different than losing, say, a toddler and deliberately obliterating all photos and other evidence of this child. Maybe that changes your perspective on it or maybe not, I don't know.

Pie · 06-02-2009, 09:49 PM

Very good point, Fobble.

classicman · 06-02-2009, 10:13 PM

Yes Clod that makes a great deal of sense. After losing my first daughter, I considered for years whether and/or when to tell my other children. As it turns out, they were told and we all share the same angel.

Cyber Wolf · 06-03-2009, 03:18 PM

Yeah, that is a good point, Clod. I hadn't really considered that... I guess because of the way the certificate makes it sound. It doesn't really change my perspective on the whole issue, but it adds a bit of insight. If that be the case, I can understand more why the matter was never brought up. It does make me think a bit more about my own birth though. I was a full-term C-section baby. My mom had told me this, but never went into why (breach position, medical issue, just didn't wanna go natural, I don't know). It's not a touchy subject though. We often joke about how she wasn't entirely there when I was born.

And apparently, I punched the OB in the first couple of minutes...

Pie · 06-03-2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyber Wolf

And apparently, I punched the OB in the first couple of minutes...

Well, s/he smacked you, you punched back... it all seems perfectly fair to me!

PS: Who won?

Cyber Wolf · 06-05-2009, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pie

PS: Who won?

Actually, he said he considered it a draw. I got to meet him a few years ago. Retired now, delivered hundreds of babies but said he still remembered me.

05-08-2009, 08:14 AM	#16
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I often dream about it, and in the dreams revert to being a teenager and hating my parents for doing that to me. I have no idea how it would feel in real life, but I can't help thinking I'd feel a huge betrayal from the lies, even if it was lying by omission. Perhaps if I found out my Dad had a child he knew nothing about, from before he met my Mum, I would be okay. But even so, I'd be hurt that they bothered to lie about him being a virgin on his wedding night (not for want of trying, they added). I suppose it's different if it's never come up in any way. As family would be careful about if there was a secret. And of course in situations where the other family member is known about but not in contact. It must be fascinating. Especially where you already have siblings, so are aware that sibling relationships can go either way. It must be much harder with a parent reunion. The only role model you have for that is obviously someone you love unconditionally, which is unlikely to happen again. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

05-20-2009, 07:57 AM	#19
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I am older than my "long-lost" brother -- he disappeared from my family when he was 18 (I was 23). He briefly surfaced to introduce my parents to his kids, and their baby-momma... When that failed to produce much $$ from the 'rents, he disappeared again. His wife sent us a two line condolence email, six months after my father died. That's when we knew there would never be another attempt at reconciliation. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-20-2009, 12:11 PM	#20
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	According to the cuckoo woman-who-married-my-dad (was never and will never be stepmother), I have a half brother somewhere back east. Don't know how much validity there is to the story, dad's dead so I can't ask him, and I've lived this long with just one brother, don't see any need to stir things up. __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

06-02-2009, 11:01 AM	#21
Cyber Wolf As stable as a ring of PU-239 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On a huge rock covered in water, highly advanced moss and 7 billion parasites Posts: 1,264	When I graduated from college and got my own place some years ago, my mom gave me my original birth certificate for safe keeping, among other papers. Shortly after that, I noticed the box that notes previous children was filled in. There was an X next to 'deceased'. Neither parent has ever mentioned anything about an older, now dead, sibling and I don't think I'm going to bring it up. If they haven't told me about it now, I don't think I'll ever hear about it. I've never felt upset or angry about it... I am curious but I don't see how it'll really change my life for better or worse for knowing anything more. __________________ "I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then getting' upset 'cos they act like people." ~Adam Young, Good Omens "I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out." ~Adam Young, Good Omens

06-02-2009, 02:57 PM	#22
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	For what it's worth, Cyber, I think chances are good it was a miscarriage, which still counts as a "previous pregnancy" from a medical standpoint. They're surprisingly common. And when the child effectively never existed in your life, it's easy to never mention it again--very different than losing, say, a toddler and deliberately obliterating all photos and other evidence of this child. Maybe that changes your perspective on it or maybe not, I don't know. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

05-19-2009, 01:10 PM	#17
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	I just talked to my favorite sister today, and as a result of learning about our newly-found brother having Aspergers, she went and was evaluated for it and it turns out she has it too. Which, as it happens, is completely not a surprise at all... in fact, rather than being surprising, it makes perfect sense.

05-20-2009, 07:29 AM	#18
Madman has left the building. Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 455	I had/have a long lost brother. He disappeared when I was 10 (he was 19). Moved on with life for the next 25 years then "poof" there he was again. It was pretty cool for little awhile. Then the kind of person he was started to show through. I disappeared from him. That was 10 years ago. I hope your experience has better results.

06-02-2009, 09:49 PM	#23
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Very good point, Fobble. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

06-02-2009, 10:13 PM	#24
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Yes Clod that makes a great deal of sense. After losing my first daughter, I considered for years whether and/or when to tell my other children. As it turns out, they were told and we all share the same angel. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

06-03-2009, 03:18 PM	#25
Cyber Wolf As stable as a ring of PU-239 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On a huge rock covered in water, highly advanced moss and 7 billion parasites Posts: 1,264	Yeah, that is a good point, Clod. I hadn't really considered that... I guess because of the way the certificate makes it sound. It doesn't really change my perspective on the whole issue, but it adds a bit of insight. If that be the case, I can understand more why the matter was never brought up. It does make me think a bit more about my own birth though. I was a full-term C-section baby. My mom had told me this, but never went into why (breach position, medical issue, just didn't wanna go natural, I don't know). It's not a touchy subject though. We often joke about how she wasn't entirely there when I was born. And apparently, I punched the OB in the first couple of minutes... __________________ "I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then getting' upset 'cos they act like people." ~Adam Young, Good Omens "I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out." ~Adam Young, Good Omens

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