Who has the most dysfunctional relative?

[ZenGum]

Probably.

and he jumps it over double-complete rainbows!

[Sundae]

My rellies aren't really dysfunctional, but I have a sister who doesn't love me and I think that's pretty darned odd.
And the oddest thing is I don't think I've ever done anything specific to cause it.
None of my personal drama has affected her - I'm sure Mum tells her things which she then judges - but I've not behaved inappropriately around her or her children, no matter what was going on in my life.

I think getting divorced was part of it, but she was shady with me even before that.

This is why I dream about her all the time (usually about violent conflicts). I doubt she dreams about me.

[Clodfobble]

Might be a perceived level of personal responsibility. (Not saying you don't have it, just guessing as to what she's seeing.) I spent a long time resenting my brother because, he being the less inclined of us to ever do anything, he got a lot more support from our mom in all forms, while I simply got praised for doing everything well and thoroughly on my own. To this day he is still living with her in his late 20s, and that used to infuriate me, that she wouldn't kick him out to sink or swim like my father had long ago. But in recent years she's been able to offer a lot more intangible things to me with regards to my kids, like babysitting and research and buying stupid items that are not about the money but about my inability to physically go to the store, and I've made peace with the idea that she gives to us equally but in different ways (or at least she does now that she's found something I need.) Perhaps it's really about your sister's relationship with your mom, rather than with you.

[Sundae]

I see what you're saying, but it's unlikely. I only moved back here in 2008, and my sister has resisted my charms for far longer than that.

For example she visited my house TWICE in the four years I lived there with my boyfriend/ fiance/ husband. And one was the night before my wedding and only because she felt she had to drive my Mum there. And back then I was in a really good job. I invited her so many times, but it was always inconvenient.

If she doesn't love me because I've had mental health problems then she's only had evidence of that quite recently. And can I point out, Mum told her I was attending daycare because I was potentially a suicide risk and she did not phone, email, contact me in any way. Nothing. Six months earlier I'd sent her a bunch of fucking balloons when she was hospitalised with a cut hand! (she had to be operated on due to risk of infection because she ignored medical advice and refused earlier treatment)

Tempted to delete the above because I know how it comes across. But it is how I feel. I don't really love her - how can you when someone gives you nothing in return? - but I want her love and concern and respect so much... And it won't happen. And it hurts.

[zippyt]

Fuck Her and feed her Fish heads SG !!!

You take care of you !!
if she wants to join the Party You can have the Bouncer give her a Hard time at the door

[skysidhe]

We save our dysfunction for the other 363 days out of the year.

[classicman]

SG - Your post really hit home for me.

Wasting your life looking for her approval will do NOTHING positive for you.

I have an older brother - much the same situation. He is extremely successful financially, but in the familial department he is sorely lacking.

I have taken up the zippy plan for the last few years... I still lament on the reality that I have a brother whom I don't really know well or see, but that's HIS problem. I cannot do anymore than I've already done to rectify it. It's on him now. IF it happens, great. If not - oh well, I tried.

[skysidhe]

I am sure the hurt cuts deep when there is love lost between siblings.

sorry SG & Classic

[wolf]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Does he ride a unicorn?

I am guessing that he traded the casual sex in the name of honoring the Goddess for the unicorn-riding virginity.

However, I would expect that he has seen unicorns, fairies, and would drive a Prius, if he could afford one.

[wolf]

I spend most of my time dealing with other people's dysfunctional relatives. My favorite, of course is the Crazy Guy Who Sometimes Sleeps on the Porch. I've spoken about him before, I think. One year when I was admitting him and going through to inventory his wallet, I found a lot of family photographs, including kid's school pictures. I really hadn't given thought to the fact that he is someone's "Crazy Uncle Jimmy." He doesn't get family visits when he's in.

I generally avoid my own family's nonsense. momwolf chose not to deal with them for many years, and I continue to do so to honor her memory. Really. That's why. Honestly. I go to the local funerals, at least. She used her Get Out of Jail Free card on the last one, but she was quite ill and and would have been difficult for her to attend. That's our story and we're sticking to it. There's really only her brother with Alzheimers and her twin brother who would call drunk on their birthday every year, and still owed her money at the time of her death.

She extracted a promise from me before she died, "Don't bury me with those people."

She's sitting on a display unit in the living room.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by wolf

However, I would expect that he has seen unicorns, fairies, and would drive a Prius, if he could afford one.

Not sure whether he'd choose a Prius, but he definitely can't afford one. He drives an old Mazda that he bought used and then paid to have repainted bright canary yellow (to match his beret.) Yellow's his thing.

[morethanpretty]

My bad cousin was given the choice to see her children xmas eve over at my aunt's house. She didn't show. On xmas we're all over at one of the good cousin's houses for lunch. She showed up, circling the neighborhood. Called/texted her mom that she wanted to see the kids. Of course she was refused, my good cousin will absolutely not allow her in the house. My aunt offered to let her see them the next day, that wasn't good enough. Eventually she threatened to burn my aunt's house down. I'm not sure what happened after that, how it got resolved, because I was the only clear headed one to shoo the kids into the playroom to keep them from over hearing too much more drama. Kinda pissed that my aunt didn't make sure they were kept out of it when it started. As far as I know, no houses got burned down.

[Shawnee123]

I AM our most dysfunctional family member! I'm a highly functioning non-functioner. Oh well.

[morethanpretty]

Have they learned of the hobo thing?

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Have they learned of the hobo thing?

No, but you know what? They might say "well I'll be damned: she's not a total lacksadaisical silly heart, she has a purpose."