How does one become okay with being single?

[DanaC]

I have, I think, excellent social skills. But... my ability to employ those skills effectively in any given situation is highly variable. Sometimes I'm able to interact comfortably and confidently with anybody. Other times, the things I think I'm about to say get stuck on the way out and I gargle something approaching a greeting or witticism and add it to the giant inner facepalm I'm building in my quiet moments.

[jimhelm]

I have excellent social skills. I'm engaging, pleasant, and funny. People like me. It may shock you to hear that I'm confident bordering on cocky, too. Some of you might say that I'm cocky bordering on arrogant, but that's just my written persona. I'm slightly less lumberjimish in person. slightly.

I'm also single.

I COULD get a(nother) girlfriend, I'm sure. I could commit to a long term relationship. I can get along with just about anyone. At this point in my life, however, I don't think my Life Situation is very good, so I'm opting for solitary. (I'm really just a big pile of baggage right now)

Once I get my situation settled, I'll begin to entertain the idea of partnering up again, but for now, I'm actually starting to enjoy having time to myself every once in a while. I had some good advice from a friend I respect. She said that she wouldn't date me because I am not emotionally available. She's right. She went through what I'm going through, and knows what she's on about.

but it sounds like you don't WANT to be single, moon. So take clod's advice, and fix what's preventing you from finding a mate.

Trust me, there's someone for everyone out there.

[Aliantha]

Jim, maybe you feel like a big pile of baggage, but really, it's just about learning to get your baggage to be less conspicuous. We all have it, and when you can learn to forget it's there I guess is when you start to say you have less, but we're all lying when we say that. That's just a little tip from me.

Mr moon, get out there and get into it. Join a website that advertises sex over love. That's where I found my husband. We weren't expecting anything but the most base human connection, but in the end, we found a life partner in each other. There's another tip from me.

[ZenGum]

(1) Browse internet sites for relationship advice. Look at all the people with effed up relationships. Count yourself lucky you're not one of them.

(2) Get a dog.

[classicman]

How does one become okay with being single?

You start out single and you leave this planet single. Seems the natural thing to do.

[Aliantha]

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be giving advice right now. lol

Things are a bit better today for us though. At least I don't feel like doing murder today.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by ZenGum

(1) Browse internet sites for relationship advice. Look at all the people with effed up relationships. Count yourself lucky you're not one of them.

(2) Get a dog.

Wise, you are.

Esp. get the dog. is a wonderful thing.

[footfootfoot]

God knows your dog knows.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

God knows your dog knows.

My dog is my god.

[SamIam]

My cats are my pals. I think I have gotten too old and mean to be in a relationship. I have a close male friend, and that's it. Maybe if I moved out of this rural back water, I'd meet someone. I dunno.

[DanaC]

I can live without a partner no problem. Can't live without a dog though :P

[footfootfoot]

I think friends with benefits sounds like the way to go. We didn't have that when I was younger. Guilt was still very much in vogue then.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Dana & Limey can confirm my poor social skills

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Did she retreat within herself and not say a single word the entire night?

Actually I zoned out in quite a few conversations. NOT out of boredom, just in order to consult with myself a while.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Oh Sundae, honey. You have a few hangups and oddities (I have a collection of my own as you know) but 'poor social skills'? that's utter bollocks.

I don't know, maybe you were dying inside with every word you uttered to the Hotel owner, or every time you placed an order at the bar, but if you were then it was well-hidden.

I can always talk to people in a defined role. Because then I am playing a part myself. On the field with the children I am happy and patient. In the staffroom at break I usually just smile and nod and wonder how 15 minutes feels so long.

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I can verify that Sundae has excellent social skills when it comes to phone conversations. This is a thesis that has been peer-reviewed by a second member of this household, remember.

Again, short phone convos I can manage. When I say sometimes I feel like Tiger I am not suggesting for a moment I have real communication difficulties. Just that many times I think either conversations have been too short and I've been too abrupt. Or that they've gone on for far too long and I've run out of things to say. Or (frankly) I'm just tired of them and want to go.

This hasn't happened with a Cellar member. But yes, a little part of me fears meeting Dwellars in real life knowing I can't just log out. I felt I was really lucky with the two UK Dwellars I met in Jan. Hence our repeat meet up this December.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Sundae

... just in order to consult with myself a while.

Would have liked to had been a fly on the wall for that conversation...

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Actually I zoned out in quite a few conversations. NOT out of boredom, just in order to consult with myself a while.

I can always talk to people in a defined role. Because then I am playing a part myself. On the field with the children I am happy and patient. In the staffroom at break I usually just smile and nod and wonder how 15 minutes feels so long.

Again, short phone convos I can manage. When I say sometimes I feel like Tiger I am not suggesting for a moment I have real communication difficulties. Just that many times I think either conversations have been too short and I've been too abrupt. Or that they've gone on for far too long and I've run out of things to say. Or (frankly) I'm just tired of them and want to go.

This hasn't happened with a Cellar member. But yes, a little part of me fears meeting Dwellars in real life knowing I can't just log out. I felt I was really lucky with the two UK Dwellars I met in Jan. Hence our repeat meet up this December.

I'm exactly the same. Like Bri (was it Bri?) was saying, I find people exhausting. And like you, I can manage fine if I have a defined role. But to spend long stretches of time with? There's a very small number of people I can do that with comfortably.

I find people a little overwhelming face to face sometimes. In a group I will often find myself smiling along without actually knowing what's just been said. Or the things I do say feel/seem clumsy, or nerdy (:p), which is ok with my closests because they (incl. you) are on a similar wavelength. But with others I feel like an alien who's just arrived on someone else's planet.

On a bad day. On a good day I can command a room. On a bad day I'm likely to trip over a chair and slam my knee on the way into the room and attempts at off the cuff comments flounder as my voice comes out a croak, or I mangle a word. On a really bad day.

On a normal day, neither here nor there. I'll do absolutely fine at the time, but often by the timei'm halfway home from the meeting, or the class, or the party, I've managed to conduct a post mortem on my interaction that leaves me dying of embarrassment and I have to forcibly stop myself going back over it ad infinitum.

It's not because I live alone though. I don't think. I'm pretty sure I've always been this way. I've maybe got a little worse about it in some ways. But at the same time, it's since I've lived alone that I've chosen a life that puts me in regular contact with new people (through uni and council). So, I've got better at dealing with my own internal responses to socialising. I've got used to that sinking feeling that accompanies remembering. I'll come back from somewhere buzzed up, but it generally starts to twist as specific things come to mind. Stupid stuff. Was I laughing too raucously? Did I come across as humourless? Why did I say that? Why didn't I say that?

Blah, blah.