01/02/03: Being uncomfortable in a new city

[juju]

My friend Whit came over tonight, and I didn't act like a complete blithering twit. In fact, I was pretty comfortable. This is great. You see, I've spent nearly two years in this little college town, pretty much voluntarily isolated from everyone I used to know. My people skills have been degrading, and not acting like a twit is more of a challenge for me than it used to be.

I think a lot of it is the new city. I'd lived in my hometown since I was two years old. It's all I ever remembered. I was comfortable there. I know it seems silly, but not knowing the city I currently live in, not having a history with it, that really throws me off. It skews my psyche in a very weird yet undetectable way. It's like I don't know what to do. I'm unsure of myself. It's like my entire sureity of self was based on knowing where everything in the city was and who everyone was. I don't know why not being comfortable in my city affects my confidence so much, but it does. It's really weird, because some of the things it affects don't even seem related.

Take, for example, when I'm going to class. You know how when you're going somewhere, sometimes you'll meet someone unexpectedly? How do you react when presented with such an unplanned encounter? Well, somehow, I forgot how this should go. I just completely forgot. What do you do when you have somewhere to be, but see someone you know (and worse, they see you!)? You don't want to be rude, yet sometimes it's appropriate to nod, say "hi, how ya doin'?", and keep walking. But sometimes you're expected to actually stop and have a short conversation. Which of these you do really depends on how well you know the person and how much of a hurry you're in. If they're a small aquaintance, you're permitted to just say 'hi' and keep on walking past them. But if they're more, then more is expected of you. Well, somehow I lost the ability to make this determination. This made me nervous about what to do whenever I ran across anyone I knew on campus. Pretty silly, I know. I'm not sure if people could tell, but it made me very uncomfortable not knowing what to do right away. I've been working on this, though, and I think I've made a lot of progress. If I'm late for class, I've learned to actually say, "Hey! How are ya! I'm late for class! But hey, I'll see ya around.". I've also learned that people respond more favorably when you seem excited to see them.

Like I said, I know this seems pretty unrelated to being uncomfortable in a new city. But somehow, I know it is related. It stems from a general feeling of not being comfortable here. And I think, the more I get used to this place, the more the peripheral problems seem to be going away.

The frightening part is than in a year's time, I'll graduate and I'll be moving to a completely different city. I hope my adaptation experience will be useful.