March 3rd, 2015: Woodpecker in Flight

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Most bastards are.

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[xoxoxoBruce]

Crows being bastards.

[footfootfoot]

http://www.utne.com/community/countoncrows.aspx

Originally Posted by Ian Frazier

Lately, I’ve been working for the crows, and so far it’s the best job I ever had. I fell into it by a combination of preparedness and luck. I’d been casting around a bit, looking for a new direction in my career, and one afternoon when I was out on my walk I happened to see some crows fly by. One of them landed on a telephone wire just above my head. I looked at him for a moment, and then on impulse I made a skchhh noise with my teeth and lips. He seemed to like that; I saw his tail make a quick upward bobbing motion at the sound. Encouraged, I made the noise again, and again his tail bobbed. He looked at me closely with one eye, then turned his beak and looked at me with the other, meanwhile readjusting his feet on the wire. After a few minutes, he cawed and flew off to join his companions. I had a good feeling I couldn’t put into words. Basically, I thought the meeting had gone well, and as it turned out, I was right. When I got home there was a message from the crows saying I had the job.

That first interview proved indicative of the crows’ business style. They are very informal and relaxed, unlike their public persona, and mostly they leave me alone. I’m given a general direction of what they want done, but the specifics of how to do it are up to me. For example, the crows have long been unhappy about public misperceptions of them: that they raid other birds’ nests, drive songbirds away, eat garbage and dead things, can’t sing, etc.—all of which is completely untrue once you know them. My first task was to take these misperceptions and turn them into a more positive image. I decided the crows needed a slogan that emphasized their strengths as a species. The slogan I came up with was Crows: We Want to Be Your Only Bird.™ I told this to the crows, they loved it, and we’ve been using it ever since.

Crows speak a dialect of English rather like that of the remote hill people of the Alleghenies. If you’re not accustomed to it, it can be hard to understand. In their formal speech they are as measured and clear as a radio announcer from the Midwest—though, as I say, they are seldom formal with me. (For everyday needs, of course, they caw.) Their unit of money is the empty soda bottle, which trades at a rate of about 20 to the dollar. In the recent years of economic boom, the crows have quietly amassed great power. With investment capital based on their nationwide control of everything that gets run over on the roads, they have bought a number of major companies. Pepsi-Cola is now owned by the crows, as well as Knight Ridder newspapers and the company that makes Tombstone frozen pizzas. The New York Metropolitan Opera is now wholly crow-owned.

In order to stay competitive, the crows recently merged with the ravens. This was done not only for reasons of growth but also to better serve those millions who live and work near crows. In the future, both crows and ravens will be known by the group name of Crows, so if you see a bird and wonder which it is, you don’t have to waste any time: Officially and legally, it’s a crow. The net result of this, of course, is that now there are a lot more crows—which is exactly what the crows want. Studies they’ve sponsored show that there could be anywhere from 10 to a thousand times more crows than there already are, with no strain on carrying capacity. A healthy increase in crow numbers would make basic services like cawing loudly outside your bedroom window at six in the morning available to all. In this area, as in many others, the crows are thinking very long term.

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Crows actually can sing, and beautifully, too; so far, however, they have not been given the chance.

I, for one, welcome our new, ebon overlords...

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Ok, now it's getting old:







Story @ GrindTV

[xoxoxoBruce]

How did he check his luggage.

[BigV]

Good question, everyone knows crows aren't carrion birds.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Groooaaan.

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[Undertoad]

[Snakeadelic]

Crows are not only intelligent but highly trainable and communicative. Studies have shown that they can recognize individual human faces (including with disguises applied) and teach their offspring which of us bald pink monkeys to avoid. My own personal studies support this .

I have some fun little twitches thanks to mild OCD related to severe anxiety, and one such peeve is loud, unmelodic, erratic noises; I lack the brain circuitry to "just ignore it". I'm sure y'all can imagine what trying to sleep was like as a kid when my mom always managed to land us in a neighborhood where at least one dog would bark ALL <unladylike word here> NIGHT. Fast-forward to about five years back when a 2-story-high streetlight was installed directly across the street from my computer room window.

The local crows would, of course, fight over who got to perch on it because the 20-ish even taller ones are a whole half a block away at the high school. It took almost no time whatsoever for me to get super-sick of 'KAAAAAW KAAAAAAW KAAAAAAW' for hours on end. I knew a secret, however--crows really loathe being stared at intently. It took two years of piling down my front steps with camera in hand every time they landed on said streetlight, but for the last two or three years there have been no more than 3 attempts to land on that light per spring and fall and none in winter and high summer. Now all I have to do is let them see the range-finding light on the front of my camera blink on and they're gone.

The ravens we have around here are quite a different bird altogether and very rarely even fly close by, much less land unless it's midwinter and they're really hungry.

[Lamplighter]

I've read that ever since Audubon did his original drawings of the bald eagle,
we have interpreted the eagle's expression in a humanistic way.

That "expression" seems especially appropriate in this pic, given the situation (if it's not photoshopped)

[xoxoxoBruce]

Good point, to me they always look like a pissed off spinster schoolmarm, no matter what they're doing. Of course that's my impression of their mood, and has no bearing on reality. When they're used in an ad, a cartoon, or as a symbol, they're portrayed as wise, strong, proud, angry, all with the same inscrutable face. Never as happy, or even neutral.

[Sundae]

Snake, I used to feed the crows in the park when I was in rehab.
After two months it got so there were none as I sat down, but when I got the nuts from my bag there were already three or four. It helped that I was always sat in the same place at the same time of course, but without being sentimental (at all) they did know me. As a source of food I mean, but that'll do when you're feeling isolated.

The pigeons in my local park don't have the same recognition - they behave more like football hooligans. But I'd like to think there is some recognition, as I've never seen anyone else able to hand feed them, let alone having them alight on their shoulders or lap. My schedule is more varied there, as is my location, but I always hold still, move slowly and feed the same food. Birds recognise patterns.

I thought the goose was especially trusting of me, but I've seen her come out of the water for cheap bread before. The little tart.