cellarite book - Page 2

Catwoman · 06-11-2004, 09:19 AM

"Of course I'm sure, you blind fuckwit."

At this Hector took offence and shot Bob in the arm. Ignoring his screams, he decided to seek comfort in the arms of Vera. He looked everywhere for her, under the table, in the cupboard, even in Bob's dressing room (Bob was once named Tranny of the Year in the local cross-dressing competition run by the Rotary Society and occasionally swapped outfits at work). But he could not find her! Then something moved behind the chest of drawers.

lookout123 · 06-11-2004, 12:07 PM

Slowly, JFK, Jr came crawling out from a cleverly disguised door hidden by the chest of drawers. It was true! he hadn't died in a plane crash at sea, he was just living up to his father's legacy... with VERA's bi-polar sister!

jdbutler · 06-11-2004, 12:38 PM

JFK Jr. was dripping wet with seawater and the sweat of Vera's bipolar sister. "My god", excalimed Bob. "You're alive...How did you survive?"

"I got lucky...my brother Teddy happened to be driving by and dove in to save me. There's a word for that, but ironically, I can't remember it. Hey, don't I know you?

"Yes, I was the new guard when your dad became the new boss, and I'll never forget what he said about you.

"And that was?"

He said " That John-John needs flying lessons like I need a hole in the head."

Suddenly, Hector slipped on the Bob's blood/Vera-sweat seawater mixture, fell into the chest of drawers, and.....

Bullitt · 06-11-2004, 12:51 PM

Fell down the rabbit hole into...... the real world.

wolf · 06-11-2004, 12:55 PM

The suddenness of his return was jarring and he felt slightly out of phase with his body.

Lady Sidhe · 06-11-2004, 12:57 PM

But since he was still feeling the effects of the stickynote, it didn't faze him...

lookout123 · 06-11-2004, 01:00 PM

but faze him it should have, and soon would. having jimmy hoffa's rotting corpse laying next to him was not what hector would classify as an everyday occurance.

jdbutler · 06-11-2004, 01:13 PM

Bob keen eye quickly deduced that Hoffa had been shot to death by a "real worlder" packing a a paintball gun.

Lady Sidhe · 06-11-2004, 03:15 PM

But the shooter was smart; due to the lack of evidence, it appeared that he'd shaved his entire body, wore a full body condom and gloves, and used a high-powered paintball rifle to shoot from a rooftop and through the window. What was Bob to do? It was obvious that DNA analysis wasn't going to be much help in this situation.

lookout123 · 06-11-2004, 04:05 PM

so as any good mark furman fan was sure to do, he decided on the spot to frame a black man... now where was he going to find a black man at this time of night in the white house?

Bullitt · 06-11-2004, 08:57 PM

Then suddenly, he remembered a man he met long ago at an AA meeting... Colin Powell....

Elspode · 06-11-2004, 09:40 PM

The memory returned to him through a haze...Powell was speaking, softly, then louder and louder...

"...and the Iraqis will just lay down, roll over and give us their oil! Ha ha ha ha!!!"

06-12-2004, 12:55 AM

Powell, oil, gas, get away car! Yes! Why mess around here loosing precious time on a frame up scheme that might or might not work? Time to get out of Dodge (or the Oval office, as the case might be). Hector ran from the building and jumped into his special seeing eye car which unerringly took him to the nightly AA meeting of the Potomac Wrist Slasher's Group - a fun loving crowd of reformed drunks and womanizing politicians among whom he could surely find shelter.

jdbutler · 06-14-2004, 07:26 AM

As Hector stumbled his way into the meeting, he bumped into the main poster boy for the PWSG...a drunken womanizing politicain by the name of Ted Kennedy.

Hector spewed, "I just ran into John-John - Why in God's name didn't you rescue the women in the plane crash too?"

"If there is one thing that these sessions made me realize", sobbed Kennedy, "is that we are all creatures of habit." "Please show me some compassion for my faults, like a good Democrat", pleaded Kennedy.

Lady Sidhe · 06-14-2004, 12:53 PM

"Sorry," Hector said, "but I'm a republican."

With that, he shot Kennedy with the same gun he'd used to shoot Bob. Ted was so blasted, though, that he didn't feel a thing. Five seconds later, his eyes glazed over, and he dropped to the ground like a sack of watermelons.

Fortunately, Hector had unknowingly grabbed an anesthetic dart gun instead of a real one when he left home that night. Good thing, too, for it seemed that he was leaving a trail of snoring bodies behind him.

He remembered thinking that he was going to HAVE to get his Zoloft prescription refilled....

06-11-2004, 09:19 AM	#16
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	"Of course I'm sure, you blind fuckwit." At this Hector took offence and shot Bob in the arm. Ignoring his screams, he decided to seek comfort in the arms of Vera. He looked everywhere for her, under the table, in the cupboard, even in Bob's dressing room (Bob was once named Tranny of the Year in the local cross-dressing competition run by the Rotary Society and occasionally swapped outfits at work). But he could not find her! Then something moved behind the chest of drawers. __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

06-11-2004, 12:07 PM	#17
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	Slowly, JFK, Jr came crawling out from a cleverly disguised door hidden by the chest of drawers. It was true! he hadn't died in a plane crash at sea, he was just living up to his father's legacy... with VERA's bi-polar sister! __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-11-2004, 12:38 PM	#18
jdbutler If ya cant take a joke, Effya! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 288	JFK Jr. was dripping wet with seawater and the sweat of Vera's bipolar sister. "My god", excalimed Bob. "You're alive...How did you survive?" "I got lucky...my brother Teddy happened to be driving by and dove in to save me. There's a word for that, but ironically, I can't remember it. Hey, don't I know you? "Yes, I was the new guard when your dad became the new boss, and I'll never forget what he said about you. "And that was?" He said " That John-John needs flying lessons like I need a hole in the head." Suddenly, Hector slipped on the Bob's blood/Vera-sweat seawater mixture, fell into the chest of drawers, and..... __________________ Phineas J. Twunt

06-11-2004, 12:51 PM	#19
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	Fell down the rabbit hole into...... the real world. __________________ Kiss my white Irish ass.

06-11-2004, 12:55 PM	#20
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	The suddenness of his return was jarring and he felt slightly out of phase with his body. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-11-2004, 12:57 PM	#21
Lady Sidhe That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.... Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hammond, La. Posts: 978	But since he was still feeling the effects of the stickynote, it didn't faze him... __________________ My free will...I never leave home without it. --House Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. -Rita Rudner

06-11-2004, 01:00 PM	#22
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	but faze him it should have, and soon would. having jimmy hoffa's rotting corpse laying next to him was not what hector would classify as an everyday occurance. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-11-2004, 01:13 PM	#23
jdbutler If ya cant take a joke, Effya! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 288	Bob keen eye quickly deduced that Hoffa had been shot to death by a "real worlder" packing a a paintball gun. __________________ Phineas J. Twunt

06-11-2004, 03:15 PM	#24
Lady Sidhe That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.... Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hammond, La. Posts: 978	But the shooter was smart; due to the lack of evidence, it appeared that he'd shaved his entire body, wore a full body condom and gloves, and used a high-powered paintball rifle to shoot from a rooftop and through the window. What was Bob to do? It was obvious that DNA analysis wasn't going to be much help in this situation. __________________ My free will...I never leave home without it. --House Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. -Rita Rudner

06-11-2004, 04:05 PM	#25
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	so as any good mark furman fan was sure to do, he decided on the spot to frame a black man... now where was he going to find a black man at this time of night in the white house? __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-11-2004, 08:57 PM	#26
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	Then suddenly, he remembered a man he met long ago at an AA meeting... Colin Powell.... __________________ Kiss my white Irish ass.

06-11-2004, 09:40 PM	#27
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	The memory returned to him through a haze...Powell was speaking, softly, then louder and louder... "...and the Iraqis will just lay down, roll over and give us their oil! Ha ha ha ha!!!" __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

06-12-2004, 12:55 AM	#28
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Powell, oil, gas, get away car! Yes! Why mess around here loosing precious time on a frame up scheme that might or might not work? Time to get out of Dodge (or the Oval office, as the case might be). Hector ran from the building and jumped into his special seeing eye car which unerringly took him to the nightly AA meeting of the Potomac Wrist Slasher's Group - a fun loving crowd of reformed drunks and womanizing politicians among whom he could surely find shelter.

06-14-2004, 07:26 AM	#29
jdbutler If ya cant take a joke, Effya! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 288	As Hector stumbled his way into the meeting, he bumped into the main poster boy for the PWSG...a drunken womanizing politicain by the name of Ted Kennedy. Hector spewed, "I just ran into John-John - Why in God's name didn't you rescue the women in the plane crash too?" "If there is one thing that these sessions made me realize", sobbed Kennedy, "is that we are all creatures of habit." "Please show me some compassion for my faults, like a good Democrat", pleaded Kennedy. __________________ Phineas J. Twunt

06-14-2004, 12:53 PM	#30
Lady Sidhe That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.... Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hammond, La. Posts: 978	"Sorry," Hector said, "but I'm a republican." With that, he shot Kennedy with the same gun he'd used to shoot Bob. Ted was so blasted, though, that he didn't feel a thing. Five seconds later, his eyes glazed over, and he dropped to the ground like a sack of watermelons. Fortunately, Hector had unknowingly grabbed an anesthetic dart gun instead of a real one when he left home that night. Good thing, too, for it seemed that he was leaving a trail of snoring bodies behind him. He remembered thinking that he was going to HAVE to get his Zoloft prescription refilled.... __________________ My free will...I never leave home without it. --House Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. -Rita Rudner

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