Can I be Nearly as Interesting as Slang?

[slang]

It's nice to know that shitjobs suck ass with the same intensity regardless of the geographical location.

Sometimes going through the bullshit is a bit easier when you know you will be writing about it later. It helps you keep your sense of humor because you can already read the story in your mind. From my experience, it makes you pay more attention for little details and sharpens your writing skills.

Keep them coming Ep. I feel your pain!!!!

[elSicomoro]

Originally Posted by zippyt

I could just see Syc delivering pizzas !!!!!

" Here is your FUCKING pizza !!!! Now where is my damn tip BITCH !!!!!!"

You forgot, "Have a nice night, dickhead!"

I delivered for Pizza Hut for a bit in the late 90s...I liked the job, but not Pizza Hut.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by slang

Sometimes going through the bullshit is a bit easier when you know you will be writing about it later.

In that respect, I almost look forward to my next night, which will be on Thursday. Friday night I'm not delivering pizza because I get to make $50 for an hour of Xmas music playing for the old folks at the ritzy retirement home, an annual gig I've done for some years. I'll make about the same money as I would delivering, and I won't have to mop anything.

I truly, deeply have this overriding sense of doing something that is *so* beneath me, that the only things that make it bearable are the money to keep the family going, and the fact that I can, in fact, write about it. There has got to be something about me that is going to eventually start making this experience come out like a fish out of water story.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not dissing people who do this as a regular gig. It takes a special kind of person to dedicate themselves to feeding a largely unappreciative public day after day, just as it takes a special kind of person to pull bleeding drunks out of mangled automobiles. All things being equal, I'd rather deliver pizzas.

Syc, this isn't exactly my neighborhood, but it is fairly close. Lee's Summit is just to the East of Grandview. It is about a fifteen minute drive for me to get there from my house. It is largely a higher-end suburban bedroom town, and hopefully there will be some good tips in my more experienced future.

Mari, I appreciate the good vibes, and I'm taking as good care of my hands as I ever have. I have very tough hands for some reason. I think the tradeoff is the arthritis and tendonitis, but I played for a couple of hours tonight, and I can still type.

Speaking of typing...you know what blows my mind? I try so hard to proof this stuff before I post it, and every time I read back over it, I find another stinking error. Missed words, bad punctuation...I used to be able to catch this stuff first time through. So, please forgive apparent demonstrations of illiteracy...I banged those things out at work during lunch and breaks, then copied them and pasted them in.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Your doing fine.......on all fronts.

[Elspode]

Tomorrow will be my second night...rain again in the forecast, and I'm assuming it will again be dark, sooooo....I picked up a Coleman 1,000,000 candlepower rechargeable spotlight today. Yes, I know...if I can afford stuff like that, then why work a shitjob? Well, let me relate my thinking on this subject.

First...how can I deliver pizzas at all if I can't see the addresses? I wouldn't have gotten half as lost on Monday night if I had been able to see the addresses. Second, finding the right house quicker should presumably equate to better tips. Starving, pissed-off people waiting for late pizzas probably don't feel like paying a little extra for the privilege. Therefore, the light could logically result in increased income, not to mention improved job performance overall.

Finally...damn thing only cost $27.00. It has *got* to be worth that.

In truth, the night vision thing seemed cooler, but that *is* too expensive...although Sam's club had a monocular version for $140.

Now, on to this question I have...does anyone here at the Cellar have a copy of Garmin's Metroguide USA v 8.0? I *really* need better routing technology, and I've already got the GPS.

[wolf]

No routing software, but I could probably offer some suggestions for a small, easily concealable handgun that is essential equipment for any food delivery engineer.

I have had friends who delivered pizza, the best story I ever heard was the one guy who was delivering in Delaware County, PA and had an encouter with a wayward cougar.

Shame you aren't in my delivery service area ... we tip really good. The nuts don't but the staff do (for the delivery place we actually like) to make up for that.

[dar512]

If you haven't already, read Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. A different view of pizza delivery.

[lumberjim]

how about buying a nice new 2005 pathfinder from....oh, someone in the northeast let's say....., that has the GPS system built right in? makes sense, right?

[Happy Monkey]

Um, he has to justify the purchase of a $30 flashlight. I think you'd need to be offerin a pretty incredible deal...

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

how about buying a nice new 2005 pathfinder from....oh, someone in the northeast let's say....., that has the GPS system built right in? makes sense, right?

Let's see...$30k at 2.6% APR paid off at at $60.00 per month (the amount of tips I can expect to make working a couple of days a week)...

Do you have any 40 year loans available, Jim?

[zippyt]

Splode , like wolf said BECARFUL !!!!!

Ok a few different storys about delevering pizzas in southern Cali in the early 80's, oh and i was in the USMC at the time .

The place i worked for backed up to a resedental neiborhood , all the houses had STEEP driveways , there was this kid that used to have the BEST time shooting down these drive ways on a skate board JUST missing oncomeing traffic , he FREAKED me out the first 3-4 times, then i got pissed off , on trip 15 or 16 I timed it JUST right and layed his stupid little ass accross the hood of my car , i then drug him home by the scruff of his neck , knocked on the door and explained to his dad what had happened , his dad appoligized , made his son appoligize , as i was walking away i heard a WHOP !! and a kid crying .
Said kid NEVER did that to me again !!!!

As close as i was to a Marine bace there were some different challanges as well , like getting a call to deliver the pizzas to a piticuler cross road , and haveing 2-3 camo faced armed marines come out of the brush with money , one dude tryed to sneak up on me once , he explained he was just messing with me as i sat on his chest ready to beat him , another time i delivered to a gym , these 2 Hanz and Franz type dudes asked " what would you do if we just TOOK the pizzas ???" His face went white when i whipped out my butterfly knife , he pulled out the cash for the pizza , put it on a desk and backed up , i put the pizza on the desk , grabbed the cash and backed up . Dude had the balls to ask " what about the change ??"
30 min delivery time ???? All you had to do was call the gate and ask the MP's to slow the deliver guy down a bit , this didn't work on me , i knew most of the MP's .

The civilian folks were weird as well , like the VERRRRRRY gay couple that wanted to have ME for desert , i verry politely thanked them , but declined .
I once delivered to a BIG house , i heard I think it was Roy orbinsen playing in the back ground , unless i am greatly mistakned it was live music .
Almost getting squashed by a Lamborgene at HIGH speed in the hills .



Splode , you were talking about trying to find the addresses of the houses , different neiborhood and all . Try that in a town and a state that you are NOT from !!! Be carefull with that spot light , make shure your windows are CLEAN or you will loose ALL night vision .

Luck to ya dude !!!

[wolf]

Originally Posted by dar512

If you haven't already, read Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. A different view of pizza delivery.

I nearly put my car in a ditch when I drove past the Uncle Enzo's down in Birmingham, PA the first time.

It appeared out of nowhere, on an intersection lot that I KNOW held a gas station only the week before ...

[Elspode]

Thanks for the pizza tales! Gives me something to shoot for.

Tonight was my second night, and I don't have a lot to say about it. It was mostly delivering pizzas, strangely enough. And making boxes. No new cardboard cuts...I'm getting more skilled already!

The steel-melting spotlight was a *definite* good idea. Shaved a lot of time off of my fruitless gyrating in the dark, looking for addresses. Having a job like this *really* demonstrates to me just how much advancing age is affecting my senses. The drivers' table (where we punch in and out on the computer, stuff the orders into the big insulated bags, and make up boxes) is right next to the oven, and the oven is both hot *and* noisy. This makes it really hard for my ever-lessening aural discrimination abilities to pick out what is being said to me from across the restaurant. Worse yet is the fact that the map, the only thing that stands between me and ending up in Cleveland when on a delivery, is *just* far enough away that I can't read it...not even with my glasses. Therefore, I just get a general idea about the area into which I'm headed, then go out and translate that rapidly fading memory onto the indecipherable photocopy they gave me on Monday. So far, I've only gotten badly lost once.

It was really busy when I got there, so I didn't get to do more than pass a few words with Merle. In fact, he was equally as quiet and solemn tonight as he was rambling and outraged on Monday. Perhaps I won't need to have that talk with him about the meds after all?

I met a couple of other people I hadn't met before. One of them, whom I shall call Brad (does anyone want to guess *why* I'm going to call him Brad?) is a late twentysomething dude, with closely cropped reddish hair and a boisterous sort of attitude. I liked him right off. It did not harm my opinion of him at all when I pulled in from my second delivery and he called me over to the trunk of his car to show off the new set of katanas he'd just bought at some import place. I mean, I'm sure they're shite and all, but they were pretty, and really, who the hell wouldn't like someone who shows off their ninja hardware in the parking lot of a pizza place?

I only ended up working three and a half hours, which was actually fine with me. I did not care to mop the floor again, thanks, and so I was relieved not to have to close again. The downside of the short night is that I made only $10 in tips. It would have only been $9.95 if it hadn't been for the generosity of the woman who presented me with $15.25 for her $15.20 tab and said, "That's okay...keep it". Oh my. A whole shiny nickel? Oh, how I wish penny loafers were still in fashion! I could find another customer like her and have one for *each* shoe! Still and all, that was five cents more than I got from my first five pizzas.

The champion tipper tonight? The drunk on his ass guy who was apparently living with his mother (too many big stuffed bunny things and other Home Interiors type decor inside to be *his* home) in the duplex part of town. While I hastily tried to remember how to properly count back change, he shoved a couple of ones into my hand and said, "Here ya go, man" in a boozy slur. Trust me...he needed to eat.

[wolf]

Originally Posted by Elspode

The champion tipper tonight? The drunk on his ass guy who was apparently living with his mother (too many big stuffed bunny things and other Home Interiors type decor inside to be *his* home) in the duplex part of town.

You hope that they belonged to mother ...

Important safety tip #2 ... buy a map produced by Alexandria Drafting Company, or whatever company produces excrutiatingly detailed maps of your delivery area. It's worth the $10.

[Clodfobble]

MAPSCO is the one to have around here. It's a freaking book, and every neighborhood gets a full page. Very convenient.