Confession Time - Page 23

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:23 PM

I dunno if you think I have steel skin or something. It is possible for you to hurt me too.

Somehow that never matters though does it?

Maybe I should be more vehement in my expressions. Then you'd know for sure when you got a hit.

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

I dunno if you think I have steel skin or something. It is possible for you to hurt me too.

Somehow that never matters though does it?

Maybe I should be more vehement in my expressions. Then you'd know for sure when you got a hit.

And that's exactly how I feel! I'm not made of steel. I don't know how to reach out and send a PM about how I need someone to show they care.

I have honestly gone back and forth between wanting so desperately for you to like me, and being so mad at you....because I think you don't like me.

Everything in the last couple pages felt like a hit to me...as has many many many posts in the last couple months.

My hangup? Maybe, probably. There is no reason for anyoen to want to hear what my issues are. I know that I lash out. I've admitted it. I'm under some tests by my doc to figure out what exactly is going on in my head. My only issues aren't here, and, believe it or not...I used to be a pretty fine person.

And I"m stuck somewhere between hiding behind my anger, and so much wanting to think someone gives a shit.

Many responses to me feel like hits.

Again, my hangup? Probably.

And it's best for me not to subject everyone to that, wouldn't you say? You're not mind readers, and I can't reach out.

So it's an impasse.

fwiw, I've admired much about you.

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:23 PM

You had enough of me a long time ago. You can tie pretty bows around the shit you sling but that doesn't change the fact that it's shit.

Oh, you think I'd like a little consideration from you? How very fucking human of me.

Why I always thought we'd end up friends, I have no idea. You only see pain if you get to hold up a big sign about how you are uniquely qualified to sense pain.

Now tell me more how much I suck. How I made this about me. I've had enough, too. You are not the moral fucking compass of the cellar.

Yes, it's nice that you give the benefit of the doubt to the new person. That's a good quality you have. But once you decide that another person isn't worthy of such consideration, it's a done deal, isn't it?

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:24 PM

*nods*

ok.

For the record. That was a hit. As was the one before.

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:36 PM

Also, I didn't see your post that I just responded to when I posted Post # 336. I'm not completely heartless.

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:39 PM

Oh for fuck's sake. Infi. I DO like you. I have ALWAYS liked you. You baffle me at times. But I have never not liked you.

If I didn't like you I wouldn't give a shit what you thought of me. The times when you've blown up at me would have just sailed over my head as meaningless noise.

I made what I thought was a mildly contentious point about us as a group (myself included) and suddenly found myself being lambasted by my friend. Truth now: I was crying a few minutes ago. I don't often cry over internet attacks, but when they come from friends they fucking hurt.

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:44 PM

I've been crying too. In the parking garage. Like a fucking child.

I'm so sorry Dana. Really. I'm such a shit and I'm sorry.

Everything feels personal and my most logical part of myself telling me it's not is no help.

I, so caught up in my crap feelings, and doing something that is the exact opposite of what I always thought made a little special: understanding when people are in pain, and avoiding hurting people I care about, and trying to lift up and not stomp down.

I am so sorry.

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:42 PM

Look. Let's just set this to one side, eh? I honestly didn;t mean any attack on you with my comments about BD. If any of it came across as an attack, I am sorry. It was certainly not my intention to make you feel shit. Really it wasn't.

As to me getting upset: well, I'm in a slightly emotional place right now. Tears come more easily than normal I guess. Just one of those things :p

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

Look. Let's just set this to one side, eh? I honestly didn;t mean any attack on you with my comments about BD. If any of it came across as an attack, I am sorry. It was certainly not my intention to make you feel shit. Really it wasn't.

As to me getting upset: well, I'm in a slightly emotional place right now. Tears come more easily than normal I guess. Just one of those things :p

Me too. I'm worried about my health. I want to pull myself up by my bootstraps, but every day I fall at some point or other.

I'm sorry I took it as an attack. My paranoia has reached new highs.

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Me too. I'm worried about my health. I want to pull myself up by my bootstraps, but every day I fall at some point or other.

I'm sorry I took it as an attack. My paranoia has reached new highs.

That point isn't when you're attempting to pull up by your bootstraps by any chance? :p

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

That point isn't when you're attempting to pull up by your bootstraps by any chance? :p

Haggis.

Pete Zicato · 10-19-2011, 01:50 PM

Ok, ladies. Now kiss and make up...

And take pictures, 'cause that would be cool.

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:47 PM

*hugs*

Forget about it now, hon. We all do it. It says nothing about you. All those things you considered makes you a little special are still firmly in place.

infinite monkey · 10-19-2011, 01:49 PM

Thank you.

You have no idea how many ways you just helped me. For one, I need to be shown that I can be hurtful too, when lashing out from real or intended hurt. I needed to see that. I'm not proud of it.

And for validating my "human-ness."

Hugs back.

DanaC · 10-19-2011, 01:51 PM

*grins*

and all is calm.

10-19-2011, 01:50 PM	#12
Pete Zicato Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 2,916	Ok, ladies. Now kiss and make up... And take pictures, 'cause that would be cool. __________________ Talk nerdy to me.

10-19-2011, 01:23 PM	#3
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	You had enough of me a long time ago. You can tie pretty bows around the shit you sling but that doesn't change the fact that it's shit. Oh, you think I'd like a little consideration from you? How very fucking human of me. Why I always thought we'd end up friends, I have no idea. You only see pain if you get to hold up a big sign about how you are uniquely qualified to sense pain. Now tell me more how much I suck. How I made this about me. I've had enough, too. You are not the moral fucking compass of the cellar. Yes, it's nice that you give the benefit of the doubt to the new person. That's a good quality you have. But once you decide that another person isn't worthy of such consideration, it's a done deal, isn't it?

10-19-2011, 01:36 PM	#5
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Also, I didn't see your post that I just responded to when I posted Post # 336. I'm not completely heartless.

10-19-2011, 01:44 PM	#7
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I've been crying too. In the parking garage. Like a fucking child. I'm so sorry Dana. Really. I'm such a shit and I'm sorry. Everything feels personal and my most logical part of myself telling me it's not is no help. I, so caught up in my crap feelings, and doing something that is the exact opposite of what I always thought made a little special: understanding when people are in pain, and avoiding hurting people I care about, and trying to lift up and not stomp down. I am so sorry.

10-19-2011, 01:49 PM	#14
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Thank you. You have no idea how many ways you just helped me. For one, I need to be shown that I can be hurtful too, when lashing out from real or intended hurt. I needed to see that. I'm not proud of it. And for validating my "human-ness." Hugs back.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)