What's bumming your stone today?

[footfootfoot]

When it shits, it pours, should be the name of this thread.

A salad spinner of fuck is what my friend calls it.

Between snow days (= no pay) my being sick (= no pay) an unexpected heating oil bill (holy shit how did we use that much fuel and when did the price get that high? -first winter in the tiny house that uses as much oil as my other house that is 3x as big) The deer and car incident, now the new car has lost a cylinder or worse (I'll find out later today) and then rent and all the regular bills arriving all at once has put into stark relief (cliche) just how tenuous and fucked my position is.

Leaving aside the immediate problem, which although dire in many respects is actually not as serious as the long term problem. Even if I were to suddenly pay all my bills this moment and get my car fixed, it would just get the ship above water but wouldnot address the underlying sinking problem, I'd be back in the same spot in a few months.

The job I've got now was really only meant to be temporary as it pays only $15/hr and only about 6 - 61/2 hours a day when school is in session. No other benefits at all. This is about 25% less than my survival amount.

Luckily, I have a small job coming up that may make me a grand or so, but again, it's not much.

Another aspect to the problem, and one that I am addressing, is having a regular schedule where I see my kids. If I had regualr predictable times when I could see them it would be possible to find additional work that I could schedule around them. Their mom seems to be lying a lot to herself and me about what the kids shrink has to say about this. I've grown tired of catching her out and watching her backpedal and equivocate. I now, pretty much assume that when she is talking she is just saying what she wants the truth to be.

So, I'm gearing up for what will probably only be solved with a legal battle, mainly because she isn't straight and would need to be forced by law to do something. Notice I didn't write forced by law to see she is wrong. The whole world could tell her she was wrong and she'd think they were mistaken. (Remember her mom is the church shopper who visited 150 different churches and couldn't find one of them that preached the proper gospel. The apple doesn't fall far...)

So I see this problem as being

1. I want to see the kids at least half time.
2. I need to get a better paying job > This may include returning to school for a masters degree in education or another BS in Science (chem/ bio/ etc)
3. I need to finalize the divorce and resolve ownership of my house. I'd rather not let it go, but at this point I can't afford it on what I'm earning. I'm not sure if I kept it how I'd keep it afloat while I was in school, and for that matter how I'd keep anything afloat while I was in school.
4. School may not actually be an option, and may not actually lead to more job opportunities for me.
5. I'm sure there's a simple solution that I'm just not seeing.
6. The house is not salable in its current condition. Siding needs to go up, interior trim needs to go up, some drywall and painting, repairs to the boiler and heating system, some more wiring, a final inspection to close the permit, and probably something big I'm missing.
7. I need to get my other rotator cuff fixed. It's been 3 years since my other surgery and the right one hurts like fuck all the time. If I can get it done while I'm still teaching, it would be an easy job while I'm doing my year of re-hab/recovery.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

So, I'm gearing up for what will probably only be solved with a legal battle, mainly because she isn't straight and would need to be forced by law to do something.

Don't get your hopes up on this one, I've seen this happen before. Courts can't make anyone do anything, they can only punish people. When she continues to jerk you around you can't call 911 and have them send a squad car to make her behave.

No, you have to get your lawyer to contact the court, set a court date which will get postponed at the last minute by her lawyer... several times. Then in four or five months you'll finally get to the judge, you both give your side of the story. Her side complete with the extenuating circumstances that forced the change of plans, and how difficult life is because you're such a tyrant.

Then the judge gives her a stern warning to follow the court rules in the future, at which point she thanks him for his understanding and promises to do what's best for the children. The judge then tells you to stop being such an inflexible tyrant toward the faithful struggling wife you abandoned.

Preposterous scenario? Not unless NY courts are very different from other state courts. Sorry if I'm dashing your hopes, but it's better to be warned of the worst case of what may come.

[Clodfobble]

Sorry, man.

[glatt]

I wish I had something to offer. Some helpful advice or something.

Sucks. I feel for you.

[infinite monkey]

Just don't let it embitter you, foot. Let it embiggen you. Remember the story of Betty Botter.

Because you WILL get through to the other side. It ain't easy, but you will one day get to look back with a sigh of relief. Hang in there.

[Sundae]

Ah shit, Foot.
I think I have money trouble (and I do) but it sounds like you're not far above minimum wage and even though I'mg etting no help at present there is a safety net if I take a few more steps further down. And it's just me. Well, no children.
Good luck.

In my worst moments in the last few weeks everything has felt so futile.
I've never been more lonely or more hopeless.
The idea that it might not even be Diz and me against the world is appalling. I've had really good advice, but it's such an uphill struggle; I'm tired of fighting, even though I know I should.

I feel like someone hiding that they are bitten in a zombie film.
Because as long as no-one knows, I'm not really doomed. Force of will alone might make it different this time.
No. Just bloody shoot me, and shoot Diz next.

But when I die I will do so knowing the difference between a ficelle and a petit mange blanc.
That's something after all.

[orthodoc]

Sundae, sweetheart, don't give up. Take it one day at a time and value whatever comes (like learning the difference between a ficelle and a petit mange blanc, or having a positive encounter with a customer; or like meeting carruthers). There are lots of people whose lives would be diminished if you weren't here. Some of them (us) are in this place and others are closer to you geographically. When I'm down, I find inspiration in your constant interest in new things and desire to travel and learn. Not trying to guilt you; just to say that you don't always know how your life affects others.

Any day that happens is a good day for Sundae and me.

[orthodoc]

Foot3, I don't know what to say. I don't know what the job market is like in your neck of the woods; what the possibilities are for freelance photography or for other freelance work. Obviously you've looked into that type of thing, so I'm guessing not great. Are there better prospects in a nearby town or city? Near enough that it wouldn't interfere with seeing your kids?

Does your state have a mechanism for getting an 'emergency' teacher's certificate in an area of need for local schools? PA does but that's the only place I know about. It's possible to provide proof of a degree in the subject area needed and basically get a certificate without going back to school.

If a simple solution occurs to me I'll send it along. Meanwhile, hang on ...

[Clodfobble]

Sundae, I echo what orthodoc said: you are loved, and your existence in this world is cherished. You have made it through worse. And you will again.

How is the situation shaping up, if you don't mind talking about it? (For me, hashing out the options is always helpful, even if I really already know what they are.) Have your parents received any feedback from the house viewings? Is it really possible someone else might buy it while continuing to rent your room to you? Have you been able to talk to someone with the Council yet, or do you have to wait until the house is actually sold?

[orthodoc]

Crap. Carp. Shite. I seem to have developed some lymphedema in my right arm and chest. This throws a monkey wrench in my plan to regain upper body strength, not to mention being able to wear short sleeves.

Lymphedivas, here I come. (www.lymphedivas.com)

[sexobon]

If you buy 4 at the same time, do they throw in free lifetime tire rotations? Sometimes they will depending on the cost of the tires.

[Nirvana]

Sundae your post showed after I posted my [crap] you are an asset to anyone who meets you. True story

[Nirvana]

laff @ Sexobon something I had not considered is that a valuable commodity? What if I just rotate them myself?

[sexobon]

Just a matter of convenience some places offer, in addition to any discounts they may have at this time, so you'll come back to them for your next set of tires.

[orthodoc]

Tires are important. I weave all over the road at the moment, trying to preserve my tires and rims as the holes and chasms in the roads open ...

Go for the free lifetime rotations. You'll beat the odds.